by Coach Tina | Apr 25, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, Highlights, purpose
There’s a difference between feeling needed and feeling appreciated.
When a person or system needs you, they have an acceptance for what you bring to the table. They realize you fill a spot they 
don’t want to fill themselves or haven’t found someone else to do it in the manner you do it. BUT when they appreciate what you do, they don’t WANT anyone else to fill that spot. They realize you are the BEST person to do it.
So often we sit at tables where we’ve been needed but not appreciated. It’s time to excuse ourselves.
When my kids were younger, protocol was to ask to be excused from the table. Many times the dinner table was the only time we sat together as a family, shared highlights about our day, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. So to get up and walk away was deemed disrespectful to the moment and those at the table. Regardless if you were finished eating or not you remained in place until given permission to leave.
But now as adults, we no longer need permission to excuse ourselves. We’ve learned when it’s appropriate to step away. When the conversation no longer serves us, or when it begins to offend us, we have free will to remove ourselves. Yet many will remain out of fear that our absence would be offensive or that our presence will be needed. We’ve began to accept being needed instead of being appreciated.
We waited a long time to be invited to the table so we sit as long as possible even though it has served its purpose in our lives. Being invited to the table is an honor. Being accepted as part of the elite is the goal, right? NO! Being appreciated at the table IS THE GOAL!
Build your own table and stop looking for an invite. Not because you’re not needed at the table but because you deserve to feel appreciated at the table! That table could be a job, a relationship or a friendship or systematic norms. When you realize you are a placeholder, simply excuse yourself; exit left unapologetically. You have too much to offer to only be needed!
When you start to realize your worth you start seeing things different. When you value your worth, you stop tolerating less than you deserve. You are no longer a child, you no longer have to ask to be excused. Simply and politely (if warranted) excuse yourself and move on. You are enough. You don’t need the validation of others to create a space where you are appreciated. Show up each day with appreciation for yourself. And soon they will be asking to sit at your table.
by Coach Tina | Apr 18, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose
Yesterday is over and guess what? You are still here!
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It represents new beginnings and springtime. People dress in their fancy clothes. Kids run around high off sugar. For those in the Christian faith, we celebrate a resurrected Christ. And it’s the launch to my birthday celebrations.
However, the last few years I haven’t felt much excitement. Between the pandemic, my mom’s transition, turning 50, kids living their grown life and being single, I’ve really struggled! I slid my mask on in hopes no one noticed but the transparency in me demands honesty. I struggled and it’s been rough. 
Trauma presents as recurring grief that shows up when you don’t want it to and demands attention when you don’t have the energy to give it. The slightest memory can propel you back into a space you thought you had finally climbed out of. It can have you laying in bed with the blinds closed, eating bom-boms for days. It can have you withdrawn or lashing out at people who need your compassion and love. It can have you impulsive and moody. It can take you to a space that makes you sick of you. Which presents its own battle. And I felt ALL of that yesterday!
Yesterday the coach in me was fighting with the little girl in me and leaving me emotionally and physically drained! Part of me demanded the soldier to stand up while the other just wanted to be held and told everything would be okay. The battle between insecurities and empowerment had me questioning myself, my growth and all the hard work I had done. It had me listening to the imposter instead of the cheerleader. It had me feeling isolated instead of triumphant. Girl, I was drained. BUT…
As I sit here assessing the damage from yesterday. Yes I did damage! But that’s a conversation for another day, I’m reminded that it was Easter, an opportunity for a new beginning. I can’t change yesterday. But I CAN make amends for those that got caught in my emotional wrath. I CAN create a plan so I’m able to deal with it better the next time. I CAN learn from it. I CAN choose to create lessons from it. I CAN start over. Read that again – I CAN START OVER! and show myself grace. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.
I share my transparency so when you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, you will have a gentle reminder; Easter is always available! A resurrection is always an option as long as you are willing to get up!
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Dec 10, 2021 | Abuse, Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, purpose
You are not self-centered! Read that again!
A call with a focused relentless, self-sacrificing, yet timid, guarded people pleaser revealed a woman struggling to pursue her dream of starting a business not because she lacked motivation; but because she was told it was selfish to devote so much time on something that would ultimately fail. 
Anger was not a strong enough word! I would need to seek legal council for the words and things I wanted to say and do to her abuser.
Every day, I see women make sacrifices to support the dreams of others. Yet sit on their own. In their minds they feel the idea is not good enough or they, themselves aren’t good enough. They can see the fire for others but can’t personally move past the negative self-talk that sounds like the voice of an abuser.
At some point in her life someone planted seeds of doubt and fear in the mind of my caller and it warped her 
ability to see herself achieve success. Now she had settled into a relationship with someone that did not want her to grow outside of the box they found her in.
This is yet another subtle display of abuse! An abuser does not have to hit you to abuse you.. if they can rob you of your ability to see better for yourself, they have accomplished their goal. Many abusers are aware if you see your true potential and walk in your assignment, they would lose their control over you. Remember abuse is all about control.
Pursuing your dream does not make you self-centered or selfish nor will it cause you to abandon those you love or upset those that love you. In fact it will build confidence, self-reliance and help you teach others how to treat you.
I contracted with that woman! I was determined to help her see her worth, take back her life and open her business. She did all three and is doing amazing.
Calls like that remind me why I do what I do. I am more determined than ever to build a system where women support, motivate and encourage each other to boldly pursue their dreams, walk with confidence and tendency and step out of a cycle of abuse.
I hate abuse. I hate abusers. But I despise a coward that uses fear to hold someone back from pursuing their dream.. oh wait that’s just another definition of an abuser.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 9, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, purpose
You are better than what you have been told. It really don’t matter who told you, you weren’t good enough. Maybe it was words from an abusive partner, an envious friend, a micro-managing boss, a toxic parent, or your own critical thinking. Wherever you heard those words, realize they were a lie. You ARE good enough. In fact, you are better than enough. You are created with everything you need to be the best version of yourself. You are growing into a better version of you each day and the best is yet to be seen.
The true essence of who you are is developed in the tough moments no one wants to talk about.
- It comes through the pains and struggles.
- It comes in the moments that hurt the most.
- It comes when you want to give up but keep going anyway.
- It comes when you prioritize your own needs over the wants of others.
- It comes when you say yes to yourself and no to others.
- It comes during those long nights when you can’t sleep.
- It comes from the tears you release in the shower.
- It comes from persevering even after a failed attempt.
- It comes when you refuse to allow the version of yourself that you want to be to take the back seat to the person you was.
- It comes when you are tired and take time to recuperate. (Rest but never quit)
- It comes when you show up BOLDLY for yourself.
You are enough. You are enough right where you are. You are better than you were told you are. You are making changes that the future you will benefit from. All I need you to do is keep going. All I need you to do is give yourself your best. All I need you to do is love yourself through the process. All I need you to do is show yourself a little grace. All I need you to do is take it one day at a time, one hour at a time – heck, if necessary, take it one minute at a time. But don’t give up on becoming the version of yourself you desire to be.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 23, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing, purpose
We often use the word content and complacent interchangeably but there are some subtle differences between the two. One will have you living a life of gratitude while the other can leave you resentful and unfulfilled. One will have you excited about where you are, while the other can have you constantly comparing yourself to someone else. One will have you living free and carefree while the other will have you bond and imprisoned by your own thoughts.
So often people use the scripture Philippians 4:11 –“I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am in”, as permission to accept whatever is given to them and be satisfied with it. BUT this is NOT what this scripture is saying. It reminds us to be content NOT complacent!
This scripture is using the true definition of content, which means to be happy.
I have learned to seek happiness in whatever circumstance I find myself but to not stop until I like what I see and am pleased with where I am. Being in a state of complacency keeps us stagnant and unfulfilled. It keeps us desiring more but unwilling to pursue more. It keeps us looking at what we don’t have instead of going after what we want. It propels us to see the cup as half empty instead of finding ways to fill it. We are responsible for our own happiness, yet that happiness will always be outside of our reach if we stay in a place of complacency.
I’ve always been transparent about my battle with depression. But I also withheld a lot of information concerning it out of shame and guilt. It wasn’t until I began to unpack my own baggage that I realized there was healing, personal healing, in telling my story. We ALL have a story, and our story can help another sister jump into her own journey of self-discovery. But we will discuss that in another setting.
Another way of looking at these two words are contentment is a state of being happy while complacency is refusing to work to improve your current situation.
Content is loving the skin you are in but getting up and exercising until you feel good about how you view yourself. Complacency is accepting who you are as you are without any desire to make changes even though you are not happy with what you see in the mirror.
Content is loving the people in your life but being confident enough in who you are to let them live the life they desire without needing to control them. Complacency is pointing out the flaws in others while attempting to hide your own.
- Are you content or complacent?
- Are you thriving or just surviving?
- Are you happy or just living?
NO ONE can truly answer those questions except you. NO ONE knows what keeps you up at night and whether you are doing something to fix the problem. It’s time to stop calling it content when in fact you are complacent.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Nov 11, 2020 | Empowerment, Focus, purpose, Relationships
Last week we turned back our clocks and although we gained an hour, with all the uncertainties of 2020 it got lost in the shuffle. I don’t know about you, but I have not seen the benefit in gaining that hour. In fact. I feel like I lost several months. OH WAIT! That may have something to do with the Pandemic!
We could sit and think of all the things we’ve lost or missed out on this year. Like is it just me or did it seem like summer didn’t happen? Anyway, we could sit and pout or complain but it will not bring back time. So, what do we do? We put time into what we have before us. We focus on the NOW. We do things that make us happy. We live in the moment. We don’t look at was and we don’t look too far ahead. We enjoy our loved ones and celebrate where we are. It may seem as if time stood still but, TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE!
Sometimes when interacting with clients, I’m reminded of how life seems to drag while your mind goes a million miles a minute. I remember while navigating through my own turbulence, I felt as if I couldn’t make sense of what was going on. I found myself confused, uneasy and extremely disorganized. Does that sound familiar? Is that 
where you are? Can you relate?
It wasn’t until I stopped focusing on what was and fearing what was to come, that i was I able to slow my brain down long enough to embrace where I was. I had to admit the space I was in, was not pretty but it wasn’t as scary as I had allowed myself to believe.
Most of these bricks are geared to women who are triumphing out of an abusive or toxic relationship. This does not altogether mean a romantic relationship. It can be friends, family, work, community – it can even be the relationship you have with yourself. YES, you can be the toxic contributor and need to figure out how to stop. When we are in turbulence life seems uncertain. Each move we make while in a state of turbulence tends to cause more dysfunction. We must be intentional and deliberate with our actions.
But remember time waits for NO ONE! So how do you slow things down? How do you get off the turbo ride? How do you identify the toxicity in your life? How do you get to that place where you can live in the moment? Sounds simple and difficult at the same time but basically YOU STOP! You take a deep breath and stop! You assess your surroundings, give yourself a moment to exhale and decide what you want to do next. You are not required to make any rash decisions. But you are required to decide what your NEXT will look like.
What do you want? What would you like your life to look like? What is standing the way? Who is standing in the way? If we are honest, most of the time WE are the only one standing in the way. We allow fear and uncertainty to keep us from going after the things we truly desire and then we battle the thoughts of regret. It’s time to stop allowing time to control you and begin to enjoy the time you have.
What do you need to focus on this week that will allow you to live in the moment? What have you been putting off because you don’t have a plan? What are you afraid of? The answers to these questions, will give you the blueprint you need to not only gain an hour but regain your life.
I can’t wait to see what you decide is holding back and how you will stop, breath, exhale and move forward. Leave a comment below so I can celebrate your new discovery.
Until Next Time,
