by Coach Tina | Apr 25, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, Highlights, purpose
There’s a difference between feeling needed and feeling appreciated.
When a person or system needs you, they have an acceptance for what you bring to the table. They realize you fill a spot they 
don’t want to fill themselves or haven’t found someone else to do it in the manner you do it. BUT when they appreciate what you do, they don’t WANT anyone else to fill that spot. They realize you are the BEST person to do it.
So often we sit at tables where we’ve been needed but not appreciated. It’s time to excuse ourselves.
When my kids were younger, protocol was to ask to be excused from the table. Many times the dinner table was the only time we sat together as a family, shared highlights about our day, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. So to get up and walk away was deemed disrespectful to the moment and those at the table. Regardless if you were finished eating or not you remained in place until given permission to leave.
But now as adults, we no longer need permission to excuse ourselves. We’ve learned when it’s appropriate to step away. When the conversation no longer serves us, or when it begins to offend us, we have free will to remove ourselves. Yet many will remain out of fear that our absence would be offensive or that our presence will be needed. We’ve began to accept being needed instead of being appreciated.
We waited a long time to be invited to the table so we sit as long as possible even though it has served its purpose in our lives. Being invited to the table is an honor. Being accepted as part of the elite is the goal, right? NO! Being appreciated at the table IS THE GOAL!
Build your own table and stop looking for an invite. Not because you’re not needed at the table but because you deserve to feel appreciated at the table! That table could be a job, a relationship or a friendship or systematic norms. When you realize you are a placeholder, simply excuse yourself; exit left unapologetically. You have too much to offer to only be needed!
When you start to realize your worth you start seeing things different. When you value your worth, you stop tolerating less than you deserve. You are no longer a child, you no longer have to ask to be excused. Simply and politely (if warranted) excuse yourself and move on. You are enough. You don’t need the validation of others to create a space where you are appreciated. Show up each day with appreciation for yourself. And soon they will be asking to sit at your table.
by Coach Tina | Sep 8, 2018 | Encouragement, Growth, Highlights
OUTSPOKEN ∙ CONFIDENT ∙ HONEST ∙ DIRECT ∙ BOLD ∙ CANDID ∙ STRAIGHT-FORWARD
Words we would use to describe a strong and confident woman who knows who she is and what she wants. These are also the words used to describe a woman who is guarded and unwilling to let too many people get close because she refuses to be hurt again!
Meet Trina
When we meet Trina, her personality filled the room. She came across as a woman completely in control of who she was and able to accomplish whatever she desired. Her demeanor was one of confidence yet very guarded. A single mom demanding respect for her accomplishments and those of her kids, she expected nothing but the best.
For a person who demands respect and enjoys control, an impromptu coaching session was not on her list of things to do that day and it showed in her demeanor. The first words to come out of her mouth were “I’m good. I don’t know why I was ‘forced’ into this conversation.” Here’s the video about our first encounter.
With her wall of protection securely in place we dove in and soon the gate opened, and I was allowed to walk in. Hurt and pain had built a secure wall of protection not only around Trina’s heart but around her mind as well. Independence and self-motivation had become her way of life.
After a conversation, she purchased “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing”. Her assignment, read the book and call me. She soon began participating in the SisterTalk face-to-face group and committed to a follow-up session. We worked on setting boundaries and self-care.
Today, Trina’s entire outlook on life has changed. She has literally torn down the wall of protection, which she admits was a wall of isolation, and is now, in her words “living her best life”. She learned to stop allowing fear to keep her from pursuing the life she desired. A resent solo vacation helped her to see how strong she really is and how spending time with herself pushed her out of her comfort zone into a place of risk and reward.
Trina recently completely renovated a floor in her home, having never used any power tools in her life. She is currently serving as a co-facilitator for Girl’s SpeakOut-Raleigh, and will be featured at the 4th Annual HELP Conference, stepping completely out of her comfort zone!! Her confidence in herself and her abilities has sky-rocketed. Here’s her words:
“my experience with your coaching has helped me to fine tune the things about me where I had doubts. I’ve always been outspoken but now what “seemed like” confidence and surety – IS. I am no longer faking it until I make it, I am all those things I aspired to be. I have a little more empathy and compassion because I understand better that bad or unfortunate things are not exclusive to me and that my being on the other side of some of those things can be the push that someone else needed. I don’t feel as guarded but I do know how now to set boundaries and apply them. I am fearless and learning what things serve me for the bigger and better purpose versus the things that keep me stagnant and stuck in what’s familiar even when it’s not healthy. Learning that my own validation is sufficient has been an eye opener. Realizing that I’ve already failed if I never try, I step out of my comfort zone and do things that help me grow as person.”
She tore her wall down! And began to live!
by Coach Tina | Aug 29, 2018 | Focus, Growth, Highlights, purpose
Meet Alicia!
Alicia came to BuildHER Life Coaching after signing up to be a vendor at the 2017 HELP Conference. Because of health issues, she was unable to attend but stayed connected to Tina via social media. She quietly followed for a few months before making post comments and engaging in the monthly bible challenges. She began to see a change in her overall perspective but wanted more. When the Declutter and Live Challenge opened, Alicia knew she wanted to be a part and signed up immediately. According to her, “the challenged changed her life”.
Alicia was one of many that was good at setting goals even making small steps to accomplish them but would easily become distracted by outside stressors or health issues and get off track. Determined “to complete something” and “make this time different”, Alicia dug in deep, focused on doing the work, completed each group challenge and followed the instructions provided in the coaching sessions.
Her first physical connection was attending the SisterTalk Group. Although she had seen a dramatic change in her life by interacting with the group on social media, she wanted more. The group helped Alicia to see she was not alone in this fight to change her life and the importance of connecting with other women.
Eager for more, Alicia purchased Tina’s book “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing” and well here are her words: I hadn’t even finished reading the 3rd chapter and I knew I had to make a change and it was up to me to do it! OMG! Thank you for allowing God to use you. There is indeed an anointing on your life. I had a spiritual and emotional break thru this morning, and I am convinced it happened because I was willing to get some of the clutter out of my life. I know now that I’m not created to be the Energizer Bunny–may sound silly. However, for about 15 years I have tried to do so much and was in direct disobedience to God by not resting and taking care of myself. I would go and go and go for others, and then watch as those same people criticized me for not doing enough or doing things their way. Now, I will not be the Energizer Bunny any more. I will be my energetic, servant-hearted self, but no longer at the expense of my own health and relationships. God is working on me ~Hallelujah!
After working several years in day care services, Alicia is now serving as the NEW Day Care Director at WeeCare Child Care in Fuquay-Varina!! She enjoys going to the beach with her friends, and growing her Thirty-One Business. But more than anything she’s excited to have gotten her health back track by putting herself first. She tore down her wall and is now building her masterpiece.
HELP Conference 2018 – October 13th Get tickets here
