by Coach Tina | Jun 20, 2019 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, purpose
Rest, if you must, but don’t quit. Edgar Quest
Let’s be real sometimes rest just don’t seem like enough! If you’ve ever been emotionally or mentally tired, your understanding of that statement surpasses one who is physically tired. When you are physically tired, a nap usually does the trick. But when you add emotions into the equation, a nap is just not enough. But what do you do?
June has been a deep dive into “Persevere: Don’t Quit!”Let me tell you – I have been challenged, pulled, and pushed all around with this one. I’ve wanted to yell, cry, scream and yes even cuss a few people out. I wanted to tell them what I really thought about them and how I could see right through them and their tricks. I could see how they were manipulative and self-centered. I wanted to let them know how what they said and did hurt my feelings. I wanted to yell I am enough with or without them. I wanted to let them know that the silent treatment no longer works on me. I wanted to let them know they no longer had control over me. AND THEN…. I realized a few things!
- They didn’t deserve that kind of energy from me. (energy is everything)
- I just wanted to prove a point. (never good)
- I was looking to validate how I felt by making them look at me. (they could care less)
- I was ACTUALLY allowing their mistreatment to affect me by dwelling on it. (doing exactly what they wanted)
- Their behavior was typical of an abuser and I shouldn’t be surprised. (get yo life)
- Everyone must answer to their own behavior and as much as I wanted, I could NEVER make a person change. (they ain’t changing)
- I was responsible for how I responded NOT why the person did what they did. (prioritize)
- I had to do more than just warn people of misbehavior, I had to show them what it looked like. And more importantly how to protect yourself from it. (get in position)
I found myself in a dilemma: FIGHT OR QUIT! Well I ain’t NO QUITTER! I knew what I had to do but not sure how to do it. I didn’t want it to look like I was whining. I didn’t want it to look like I was bitter. And I definitely didn’t want to look like a PUNK! I could NOT sit back and watch people I cared about be torn apart by wounded vindictive predators. I had to own my story! I had to get over the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). I had to stand up and fight. I had to take back the control I had given away. I had to stop being afraid of what people would say. I put my gloves on because ONE thing I’ve learned people are going to talk so why not give them a good story to tell.
I’m not sure how this all will look but now that I’ve rested, it’s time to FIGHT! Fight for myself. Fight for other women. Fight for those that aren’t aware. Fight for those who are aware but afraid to admit what they know. Fight for our little girls!! Our little girls SHOULD NEVER have to experience abuse, insecurity, bullying or mishandling! They will KNOW who they are! They will know how to fight! They will know it’s okay to rest but never quit!
This isn’t JUST about abuse from a man. This is abuse from all toxic people!!! I look forward to you joining in for the ride. Make sure to drop your comments, questions or concerns below. If there are topic you want me to cover leave those as well. But whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT! You are in the fight for your life. Put on those boxing gloves and let’s go!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 19, 2019 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth
What did I just do? Did I just say NO to what some would call “a chance of a lifetime”? Could I have just turned down my “golden ticket”? Maybe but I don’t think so! At least I hope NOT!
I was approached with a great opportunity! It could have easily been “THE ONE”! The one that changed my whole life! Yet, I turned it down! Who does that??!!
At first, I thought it was fear talking, even had someone tell me that! But then I realized, it just wasn’t what I wanted to do! It did not excite me like I thought it would. I could have easily made it “look” like it aligned with my aspirations, but I had to be honest with myself – it didn’t! And it would have pulled me into a totally different direction than what I wanted to do. (Yes, I’m using my post to justify my decision – you should try it sometimes)
But there is purpose in my rambling!
Have you ever had an opportunity drop onto your lap and although everyone around you was excited about it; You knew it could change the game; You knew this could open great opportunities for you, for some reason something inside of you just didn’t engage? It just seemed OFF!?!? It didn’t quite feel like “THE ONE”!
If not careful, FEAR can set in! Not just fear of the what’s ahead but fear of making the wrong decision. This is where it’s so important to know yourself! To trust yourself! To not allow others to push you into something you don’t want to do. This is your life! Your decisions are based on what’s best for you and no one else! Let’s be real, you will have some people whispering in your ear – not because they think it’s best for you, but because they are looking at how they can capitalize off your decision. Be careful!
Making life changing decisions can be scary! Sometimes, you just don’t know what to do! If you turn left – things could change forever! If you turn right – things could change FOREVER!
Did you know every opportunity is NOT a God-given opportunity? Did you know everything that looks good is NOT good? If the situation makes you question who you are, take another look!
Why are you doing it? Are you doing it for attention, acceptance, validation? Are you looking the approval of someone else? Are you hoping it will prove your “worthiness”? Are you doing it because you need to be in control or seen? Are you doing it because someone said, “this is perfect for you”?
Are you avoiding it because you are afraid? Are you questioning your ability? Are you saying NO because it pushes you out of your comfort zone? Are you allowing limited beliefs to keep you from what you are destined to do?
Tell the TRUTH!!!
Take a moment and think for yourself! What do you want to do? What will make you smile in the morning? What will push you closer to the person you desire to be? What makes your soul smile?
That’s the decision you want to make! Those are the opportunities in life you look for! Not what everyone else says you should do! (OH, how I hate the word SHOULD!)
Get quiet with yourself and ask God for direction, HE will give it to you! Here’s a nugget for you: If you don’t know who you are and what YOU want in this life, you will be pushed into situations that are NOT for you, by people looking for what’s best for them!
So, my decision to decline the golden opportunity, the “GOLDEN TICKET” … was more an opportunity to stay true to the person I want to be instead of the person the world says I should be!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 11, 2019 | Focus, Growth
by Coach Tina | Nov 2, 2018 | Focus
There are many definitions of equity floating around in society these days. Some would say it’s the DESIRE to be fair and impartial. Some would say it IS being fair and impartial. Then there is a few that would argue both of those definitions are wrong and inequitable because we can never provide a space where everyone is treated fair and impartial.
I personally believe there is no real definition of equity because how can society determine what’s fair to someone else? How can we determine as a society how our ways of thinking affect someone else? How can we judge others based on their upbringing? How can we look down on someone because they weren’t given the privileges and opportunities that we were given? Who are we to say our way of thinking is any better than anyone else’s? These are judgments not fairness.
You see each aspect of who we are, could be scrutinized, held against us and cause us to question if someone is being fair or impartial towards us. Perception is personal and fluctuates depending on our own emotions and experiences.
It’s not our job to determine if what we believe to be true is actually true. It’s our job to make sure what we believe does not make others feel mistreated or inferior because of what they believe to be true.
The fight for equity has posed an assortment of emotional outbreaks, marches, riots, pleas to be heard from everyone. Yet no one is listening to anyone. It must be determined that ALL lives matter, that ALL voices are heard, that ALL opinions are just that “opinions”. There is no right or wrong until what you determine to be right or wrong makes someone else feel less than.
My stand against the fight for equity is not whether people are being treated fair or impartial. My argument is why do we have to assure political correctness when approaching the intentional racist and derogatory statements of those in high places while disregarding the feelings and emotions of those that are being attacked. Just because of your color, your education, your status, your position does not give you permission to disqualify the emotions of someone else.
We could fight back and forth about whether equity is about fairness or impartiality towards others that are different than we are. But the real question is would it matter? Will determining an accurate definition of what equity is, change that fact someone is going to feel they have been treated unfairly or impartial? Why can’t we just accept that society as a whole has biases and there are differences in our upbringing, our beliefs, and our interpretations of reality? Why can’t we as society make a promise to not allow these differences to interfere with the way we see others, but as a way in which we can help each other? My way is not wrong. Your way is not wrong. But when we use it to disqualify another human being we all lose.
What do you think? Could equity be solved by taking a moment to evaluate how the other person would feel? Would it really matter? Could our society put the feelings of others before their own? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Aug 29, 2018 | Focus, Growth, Highlights, purpose
Meet Alicia!
Alicia came to BuildHER Life Coaching after signing up to be a vendor at the 2017 HELP Conference. Because of health issues, she was unable to attend but stayed connected to Tina via social media. She quietly followed for a few months before making post comments and engaging in the monthly bible challenges. She began to see a change in her overall perspective but wanted more. When the Declutter and Live Challenge opened, Alicia knew she wanted to be a part and signed up immediately. According to her, “the challenged changed her life”.
Alicia was one of many that was good at setting goals even making small steps to accomplish them but would easily become distracted by outside stressors or health issues and get off track. Determined “to complete something” and “make this time different”, Alicia dug in deep, focused on doing the work, completed each group challenge and followed the instructions provided in the coaching sessions.
Her first physical connection was attending the SisterTalk Group. Although she had seen a dramatic change in her life by interacting with the group on social media, she wanted more. The group helped Alicia to see she was not alone in this fight to change her life and the importance of connecting with other women.
Eager for more, Alicia purchased Tina’s book “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing” and well here are her words: I hadn’t even finished reading the 3rd chapter and I knew I had to make a change and it was up to me to do it! OMG! Thank you for allowing God to use you. There is indeed an anointing on your life. I had a spiritual and emotional break thru this morning, and I am convinced it happened because I was willing to get some of the clutter out of my life. I know now that I’m not created to be the Energizer Bunny–may sound silly. However, for about 15 years I have tried to do so much and was in direct disobedience to God by not resting and taking care of myself. I would go and go and go for others, and then watch as those same people criticized me for not doing enough or doing things their way. Now, I will not be the Energizer Bunny any more. I will be my energetic, servant-hearted self, but no longer at the expense of my own health and relationships. God is working on me ~Hallelujah!
After working several years in day care services, Alicia is now serving as the NEW Day Care Director at WeeCare Child Care in Fuquay-Varina!! She enjoys going to the beach with her friends, and growing her Thirty-One Business. But more than anything she’s excited to have gotten her health back track by putting herself first. She tore down her wall and is now building her masterpiece.
HELP Conference 2018 – October 13th Get tickets here
by Coach Tina | May 9, 2018 | Focus, Talks with Tina
Are you that person? You know the one that is ALWAYS doing for others! You provide the need before they even ask. You must have a direct connection with some higher power because you know exactly what they need – you can feel the need and quickly jump to fulfill it!!
Girl, stop fooling yourself! You ARE NOT that in tune nor that powerful! You are just being busy! Nosey! Controlling! And seeking attention!
Yep! I said it! And I mean it! Why can I say that? Because I was the same way! I was busy trying to be everything for everyone else, hoping they would turn around and do some of those things for me. And when they didn’t – well, I got mad! Depressed! And SALTY! Like how dare they not do for me when I’m sacrificing and doing so much for them?
You are who you are. You do what you desire because that’s who you are. You have a heart of gold and people just don’t appreciate it.
Well here is the catcher… people don’t appreciate it because you don’t appreciate yourself. Instead of focusing all your attention on what you think others need how about focusing on what you need. Ooops!!
You go over and above and then complain about what you did – are you doing it because you want to or because you want something in return?
You let them borrow money then remind them how you were the only one that helped them out – that’s not helping!
You answer the call in the middle of the night then tell your girlfriend about it the next day – gossiping is not cute!
Instead of focusing on what you think others need, jumping to fill in all their “emptiness” try thinking about what you need.
Are you lonely? Find something to do. Are you tired? Get some rest. Do you lack purpose? Pursue it.
You can’t fill your own tank trying to fill someone else’s — that’s not how it works. Fill your own tank so that you have the resources and ability to help someone else. You should be sowing from abundance not lack. Because believe it or not it will show!
So again, I ask – Are you that person? Dig deep inside and find out what you are lacking it’s probably all the things you are doing for others and complaining about!!!
Until Next Time,
