by Coach Tina | Apr 20, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
Although, 46 was very eventful, scary, foreign, and full of first for me, I can sit here and say I wouldn’t change anything about it!! I grew so much mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My business grew. My self-awareness grew. My network grew. My love grew. Thankfully my pants size did NOT grow (yay for that)!!
But here are some reflections I’d like to share. This year showed me…
- The true definition of strength. For most of my adult life, I compared myself to everyone resulting in me questioning my abilities and my strength. Sadly, I truly lived life afraid I wasn’t strong enough to do certain things. I allowed fear to paralyze me and hinder me from doing the thing I longed to do the most; like, speak in front of a group. Yet, this year I did it more times than I can count. Now, I teach other women to define what strength means to them and how to embrace it.
- I attract what I become. One of the things my ex would constantly tell me was “no one loves you but me”. And I believed it! I was so fearful of him not being a part of my life because I desperately wanted to be loved and I thought he was the only one that would truly love me. This year, I learned I attract what I become, so I became my own lover. I learned to love myself unconditionally and unapologetically. In return, I attracted people that do the same.
- My happiness is a choice I get to make. Happiness is a something I can have or something I sit on the side and watch others enjoy. Well this year I decided I was going to have it!! I was going to have a lot of it. And I would determine what it looks like and not focus on what others say it is. No longer would I look for others to fulfill my “happy tank” I would surround myself with the things in life that constantly made me happy so that my tank would never run low.
- I have really good friends. I’ve learned the true meaning of healthy relationships, setting boundaries and sticking to them! Which also meant I had to admit I had some really unhealthy relationships and no boundaries! This year, I made some hard decisions. I had to let some stuff and some people go but now I have relationships that serve me and not take advantage of me. I have people that I can depend on and people I don’t mind serving.
- Traditions have their place but should never replace an opportunity to grow. This year, I learned I had a lot of traditions that robbed me of happiness, joy and life. I was doing thing not because I wanted to but because it was what I always did. I changed that this year, now I do things that I desire. Things that make me happy. Things that help me grow. Things that I love. No more tradition for the sake of tradition – now it’s all because it I really want to do it.
I’m excited about 47!! I’m excited about what’s to come. But more than anything…. I’m excited that 46 taught me to live today and if tomorrow comes, be happy! I have another opportunity to make yesterday jealous!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 11, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth, More Abundant Series
There is a gazillon (is that even a word) quotes on being successful. Go a head and google it, I’ll wait. (tapping fingers patiently) I was right, wasn’t I? There’s a lot. But here’s the thing, no one ever tells you success starts with a decision to want to be successful.
Seriously, many will say, “I’m going to be successful” – that’s a “thought”. But actually, putting together a plan and executing is when the “decision’ is made.
There will be moments when you want to give up. There will be moments when you feel it’s more work than you want to do. There will be times when you say, “the heck with it, I’m done”!! And those are the moments when you ask yourself “did I make a decision or have a thought”?
A thought will allow you to quit. A thought will let you give up. A thought will run at the first sign of struggle. A thought will cry and throw in the towel.
But a decision…. Oh, it keeps going even when you can’t see anything happening. It keeps going when everyone around you says to quit. A decision pushes through the tears. A decision decides this is what I want and I’m not going to stop until I get it.
A DECISION – now that’s the real secret to success.
Regardless what success looks like to you, when you decide that you really want it, no one can stop you. No one can distract you. No one can deter you. You will do everything in your power to make it happen.
So, I ask, do you want to be successful? Maybe it’s building your business. Getting that promotion. Strengthening your marriage. Developing better friendships. Encouraging your children. Losing weight. Writing the book. Getting out of the abusive relationship. Whatever it is… Whatever you deem success looks like to you. How bad do you want it? Have you decided or are you still thinking?
Write the vision and make it plain…(Habakkuk 2:2)
Here’s the secrets I promised… the steps to being successful
1. Make a plan. You will never get where you are intending to go without a plan. Let’s face it we are creatures of habit and without a plan we do we’ve always done.
2. Execute the plan. Having a plan is not enough. You MUST take the steps you’ve defined in your plan. Get up off the couch and go to the gym. Set aside 30 minutes a day and write in your book. Plan fun activities with your loved ones. Work your plan or it won’t work.
3. Take risk. Anyone who has ever been successful, took risk. You can’t play it safe and be successful. Not only does it broaden your horizons, it makes life fun.
4. Do not settle. You will never accomplish the goals you set for yourself settling. It just won’t happen. If I settled with just writing in my journal, I would have never published my books. If I had settled with tolerating life, I would have never created a life I love.
5. Ask for help. Find a person who is doing what you want to do and ask for help. Most people who are successful don’t mind helping you because they know how much they struggled to get where they are and wished someone would have helped them.
6. Listen to instruction!!! The one thing that would keep someone from helping you (outside of selfishness) is having their time and knowledge wasted. Remember you sought them out because they are where you want to be. So, listen to them. Glean from them. Learn from them.
7. Celebrate often. Don’t wait until the end to celebrate. Find ways to celebrate the small wins because that is what will keep you pushing forward.
You can do this. In fact, you can use the above steps to accomplish anything you want in life. It all begins with a decision.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 31, 2018 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series, purpose
As I lay here thinking about life, there are things that make me sad but more that make me extremely happy. There was a time I lived in denial and truly believed I had to accept what life offered because some way some how it was all I deserved. I’ve since pushed those thoughts away and called them what they are LIES!
I realize accepting less than you desire is NOT how life works. I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to accept what life offers me. I can decide what is good or bad. What I keep and what I let go of. I decide what makes me happy or sad. But more importantly when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
You see I once allowed people to inform me of how I was supposed to feel. 
My dad died, oh he’s in a better place. You should rejoice.
My money was funny, oh, things will turn around just believe.
My marriage was falling a part oh, hang in there it gets better you ain’t the only one. It’s not that bad. Pray about it.
No, I didn’t feel like rejoicing, I wanted my daddy but hid those emotions all the way through my adult life. I got tired of struggling financially or believing that’s just the way it is. So, I made a plan and began executing it. Used the skills God gave me to make more money and oet out of debt. My marriage that deserves it’s own paragraph.
For someone to mistreat me, is not because I deserve it. It’s they didn’t understood my value. To be lied to was an indication they didn’t know how valuable the truth is to me. To walk away well, they didn’t appreciate the privileges afforded them by being in my life.
I don’t think I’m better than others BUT I, now, know I’m too good to settle for mistreatment and abuse. Lack or barely getting by. Or suppressing my feelings. That is definitely not the life I signed up for and don’t have to make it the life I live.
So as I sit here, tears rolling down my face. It’s no longer from denial, hurt or pain. It’s in the satisfaction that with God’s guidance, I’m finally no longer tolerating life but creating a life I LOVE!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Nov 20, 2017 | Focus, Gratitude, Growth
Most people get excited around the holidays. The time with family, shopping, eating, music, festivities, parties. You name it they like it ALL! But not everyone! For many the holiday seasons bring up memories of heartbreak, disappointment and loss. If you are reading this blog, it’s probably because you lay somewhere between hating the holidays or looking for strategies that will help you tolerate them.
Maybe the holidays remind you of a lost loved one or a relationship gone bad. Maybe it’s a reminder of the financial burden that’s imposed behind trying to live outside of your means. Well let’s make this year different. Let’s focus on what we have to be thankful for. Let’s focus on the things that made us smile this year instead of the things that made us cry.
This year I’m excited to be healthy both physically and mentally. My young adults are doing well and living life in harmony with me and each other. I have a job that I love and a business that is thriving. My 2nd book has been published and is doing extremely well. I’ve replaced the toxic relationships in my life with those that nurture and serve me. Life is turning around and for the first time in few years, I’m excited about where I’m headed.
See what I mean! You can do the same. Find the things to be thankful for. Don’t get caught up in what was wrong. There are so many things you can be thankful for!
But how do you deal with those family functions that can strip holiday cheer from Ole St. Nick himself. Or the family dinners that make being in the room with the Grinch a welcome excursion. The holidays are moments to celebration NOT punishment!
Here are four (4) tips that could make it a little easier:
1. Have Intentions not Expectations. Most disappointments are the result of setting expectations that are out of your control. But setting an intention allows you to create the environment you desire. Expectation says Aunt Martha is going to come to the family dinner and complain about all her physical ailments. Uncle Joe is going to get drunk and curse everyone out. The newlyweds are going to trigger the thoughts that you are spending this holiday alone again. Intention say as each person arrives have them write down two things they are grateful for and place them in a cup by the front door. If the dinner starts going south, pull out the jar and read the things you as a family have to be grateful for. Because as a family, what affects one affects ALL.
2. Set Boundaries. If being around Aunt Martha’s complaining and Uncle Joe’s intoxication is offensive, channel the discussions and eliminate the alcohol this year. It’s your party you can do what you want to! If you know sitting directly across from the newlyweds will cause you issues. Arrange to be in a seat that prevents them from being in your direct point of view. When Cousin Betty starts the conversation of how great your ex is doing. Kindly let her know you don’t want to discuss him and change the subject to something uplifting. Control conversations that are directed to you. Set boundaries of things that are a trigger to you. Remember your priority is to get through these holidays intentionally and with your sanity.
3. Be Present. Many of our issues surrounding the holidays come from “remembering when” or “wondering what if”. This year stay in the moment. You cannot enjoy the wonderful meal you’ve prepared this year wondering when your mother-in-law is going to bring up the turkey you burned three years ago. You are setting yourself up for failure looking at what was. And if she is so petty as to bring it up, laugh and say “I’ve come a long way. Isn’t the turkey this year divine!!”
4. Have an Exit Plan. Sometimes regardless how much intention you have, the toxicity of family can take a toll on you. Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t torture yourself by sitting through all the negativity. This holiday is about giving thanks and if you have to remove yourself from the negative energy – DO SO! If you know your tolerance for certain family members come to an end after about 2 hours, plan to have a friend call your phone. Then kindly excuse yourself letting the family know you have other plans. If you are not able to leave (because well you are hosting the event) create a place in your house you can retreat to for a few minutes to rejuvenate. Maybe have a stress candle in the upstairs bathroom burning and excuse yourself for a moment. (I plan to have them burning all over my house – just in case!) An associate of mine elected to create an affirmation board that would remind her to stay calm. This allows her a place to retreat should things become more than she could bear.
Don’t become bitter make your life better. Remember the holidays are about celebrating your accomplishments for the year. Don’t sabotage all your hard work trying to impress people you’ve worked hard all year to heal from.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Aug 16, 2017 | Bible Challenge, Focus
It seems things are getting worse when it comes to all the hate and anger in the world. There has always been racism but it was more covert. People say they are standing up for their rights but in my opinion, people are just showing who they really are. It’s so easy to blame this person or that group for what we are experiencing, yet easier to dismiss how we are contributing to it. DISCLAIMER: If you don’t want to be honest stop reading now!
You may not be racist but you haven’t stood up to fight for those who are being mistreated.
You may not be displaying anger but you are harboring hate and anger in your heart. 
You may not be choosing your friends because of the color of their skin but do you look down on the homeless person laying on the street.
You may go to church but you are passing judgement on the woman who walked in with sunshades attempting to cover a black-eye.
You buy your kids name brand clothes but have you taught them not to bully the little girl that comes in with holes in her shoes.
You might post scriptures and prayers on social media (or share mine) but have you stopped and prayed for the person that looks different from you.
Your cabinets may be full but have you dropped food off at the food bank for those who can’t afford grocery this week.
Psalms 28 is about calling out to God and Him hearing your prayers. But what are you praying? Are you focusing the attention on what you need instead of where you can serve? Are you asking for more when you aren’t appreciative of what you already have? God is faithful and He will take care of your needs! But maybe it’s time for you to help take care of the needs of others. Remember: Focusing your attention on the problems of others, requires you to take the focus off of your own. Don’t quit! There is too much work to do.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 3, 2017 | Encouragement, Fear, Focus, Growth
About a month ago, I started a conversation on Facebook called #sistertalk. It’s an opportunity for women to help each other through those difficult moments and provide strength where needed. A real opportunity for HELP (honesty, encouragement, loyalty and prayer). Yet, there is something bothering me about it. It’s not the other women, it’s ME!
For years, I struggled with how people viewed me and there are still certain areas in my life I’ve kept hidden behind my mask. But I feel a tug to find the strength to push those insecurities away and allow myself to be a little more transparent. But there are some things on my chest that I need to get off. Maybe you can help me. You see I don’t understand –
• if a woman says she is going through, her faith is questioned.
• if it appears that all is ALWAYS alright, she’s a fake or unapproachable.
• If she tells the truth about what she’s going through, she’s complaining.
• If she asks for help, she’s being weak.
• If she cries, she’s told to get tougher skin.
• If she exposes the reality behind those tears, she’s being petty.
• If she speaks of the abuse she encountering, she’s told to keep her business her business.
• But if she is killed by her abuser everyone wants to know why she didn’t speak up.
• If she gets tired of being mistreated and make changes, she’s not a real Christian because a real Christian will allow you to do whatever you want to them and forgive you in Jesus name.
I’m so tired of trying to figure out the “correct” or “Christian” thing to do. When every day I am approached by women living a life of pain, thinking something is wrong with them because they believe all those lies listed above. They have convinced themselves that no one else is experiencing this kind of pain. When the truth is most of the women in their circle is covering up some form of pain, they just don’t know how to express it or are afraid of what people will say.
I am a Christian saved by grace. I love God with all my heart. I’ve been mad at God. I’ve turned my back on God. I said I was through with religion (and I am- just give me the relationship). I couldn’t understand how a God that loved me could allow so much pain to enter the heart of one person. But slowly and strategically God showed me it was not to destroy me. It was not to kill me. The pain I was experiencing wasn’t even about me. My testimony would be used to HELP other woman who were afraid to tell truth. Who didn’t understand that His love was unconditional and would never go away. My story would help those women who get up every day and put on a mask to cover up the shame and guilt they feel behind the actions of someone else. My honesty would give others permission to be honest.
I’ve been at this place before where I’ve felt God tugging at me to speak the truth and fear took over. It is my desire to move forward this time because although the fear is still there, I am courageous and encouraged by those women who haven’t found their courage yet. She needed a hero so she became one.
Until Next Time,
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
