by Coach Tina | May 11, 2018 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth
Mothers make sacrifices that often go unnoticed and unappreciated. They sacrifice their body, their mind, their emotions, their entire life to nurture another human. And most mothers would do it all over again without regret.
As we prepare for the Mother’s Day weekend, I am reminded of how my little ones would gather in my bed with their Mother’s Day gifts. Maybe it was a homemade tea bag card that read “You’re tea-riffic” or a little clay statue that I couldn’t quite make out until I got the nerve to just ask what it was, or the flower they picked off the bush in the front yard because they left their gift at school on Friday. Whatever it was, it was appreciated because it came from my kids. Oh, the days!!!
As they grew older they began to understand the concept of Mother’s Day and would take over my kitchen and prepare dinner giving me a day off – thank God for their father’s willingness to participant and provide guidance.
Now that my kids are young adults, they call me from their own homes and it’s a little later in the morning. They actually put some thought into the cards they purchase from the store and attach them to gifts off my wish list instead of just randomly buying stuff I’ll never use. They ask if I’d like them to cook or go out to dinner. They understand that I have wants and try to accommodate them. The benefits of having grown thoughtful kids!!!
But this year the shift of having a house full of kids to becoming an empty nester has been quite a challenge. I find myself longing for the days of them gathering in my bed or the little cheesy cards. I’m not so much missing the disfigured clay structure or the withered flowers, but to be able to lay in the bed as someone else took over the responsibilities for the day seems very enjoyable. I imagine sipping on a cup tea while watching the sun rise out of the ocean as my kids sleep in a room nearby. Now that would be real nice. Note to self: Make reservations to spend Mother’s Day at the beach next year!!
When the kids are younger we tend to take it all for granted. Time goes fast and before we know it they have a life of their own, making their own memories. However, if you’ve done the job right, the sacrifices you’ve made will be rewarded not by what they do for you on Mother’s Day but what they do through the year. It took me a long time to see that when my kids prosper, it is a direct indication that I’ve raised them correctly. I mean when they have money they can buy better gifts, right!!
So, to all the mothers out there feeling some kinda way about Mother’s Day and your grown children, take a moment and ask yourself what do you need? What can you do for yourself to make you feel appreciated? What can you do to show appreciation for the sacrifices you’ve made? And then do it!! I’ve already decided GIVE ME A SUNRISE!!!
You do not need permission to treat yourself kind. Have a glass of wine or a cup of tea and enjoy. Knowing you are an awesome MOTHER and amazing WOMAN! You don’t need a holiday to prove it.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 9, 2018 | Focus, Talks with Tina
Are you that person? You know the one that is ALWAYS doing for others! You provide the need before they even ask. You must have a direct connection with some higher power because you know exactly what they need – you can feel the need and quickly jump to fulfill it!!
Girl, stop fooling yourself! You ARE NOT that in tune nor that powerful! You are just being busy! Nosey! Controlling! And seeking attention!
Yep! I said it! And I mean it! Why can I say that? Because I was the same way! I was busy trying to be everything for everyone else, hoping they would turn around and do some of those things for me. And when they didn’t – well, I got mad! Depressed! And SALTY! Like how dare they not do for me when I’m sacrificing and doing so much for them?
You are who you are. You do what you desire because that’s who you are. You have a heart of gold and people just don’t appreciate it.
Well here is the catcher… people don’t appreciate it because you don’t appreciate yourself. Instead of focusing all your attention on what you think others need how about focusing on what you need. Ooops!!
You go over and above and then complain about what you did – are you doing it because you want to or because you want something in return?
You let them borrow money then remind them how you were the only one that helped them out – that’s not helping!
You answer the call in the middle of the night then tell your girlfriend about it the next day – gossiping is not cute!
Instead of focusing on what you think others need, jumping to fill in all their “emptiness” try thinking about what you need.
Are you lonely? Find something to do. Are you tired? Get some rest. Do you lack purpose? Pursue it.
You can’t fill your own tank trying to fill someone else’s — that’s not how it works. Fill your own tank so that you have the resources and ability to help someone else. You should be sowing from abundance not lack. Because believe it or not it will show!
So again, I ask – Are you that person? Dig deep inside and find out what you are lacking it’s probably all the things you are doing for others and complaining about!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 3, 2018 | Encouragement, Growth
I took a mental health day! I sat in my chair sipped on coffee until I didn’t want any more. Then I poured myself a big glass of water, opened my blinds and stared out the window. My mind was completely blank. There were no real thoughts at all. Then I thought about all the things on my to do list and smiled realizing I was NOT going to tackle any of them today. I had other plans and things to that must be dealt with once and for all!! I was taking a mental health day!
Let’s back up and see why it was so important for me to take a moment and regroup
I found myself sitting at my desk and out of the blue tears started rolling down my face. It freaked me out like what was going on? Why am I crying? Why am I emotional? I really couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I was just being motivational and encouraging and here I sit crying. Why?
I started thinking about all the things that had went wrong in my life and what I could have done to prevent them. I found myself contemplating going back to the things that I asked God to deliver me from. I don’t mean just thinking about it, I picked up the phone to make the call. Thankfully the tears started falling and distracted me. I had temporarily lost my mind. I fought through hell to break that soul-tie why would I even entertain re-entering that dysfunction?
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes, so I could go to the bathroom and pull myself together. I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself a pep talk ‘Pull it together! You are stronger than this! This is totally unacceptable! There is nothing wrong with you! Stand up straight and walk like the queen you are! YES!! I talk to myself like that – try it before you place judgement!
I returned to my desk ready to tackle the rest of the day and just like that, the tears started rolling down my face again. I realized I was slipping into a mild depression! So, I did what I tell my clients – reach out! Don’t allow yourself to slip into a place you fought to get out of.
I called a member of my support team and after a brief conversation and prayer, I felt better and was able to finish the day. But I knew upon leaving, I would not be returning to work the next day. I needed to get my head together and figure out what this was all about.
I thought I had dealt with all the feeling associated with the abuse, the separation and ultimately the divorce. I had forgiven him and had forgiven myself. I had moved on. I had the therapy bills to show it!
I, then, had to be honest with myself -I had dealt with it, I had forgiven but I was still grieving. I was entering the final stages, but I was grieving. I started doing some research on grieving and found very little about grieving someone that is still alive.
I read how it could take up to a year for every 10 years you are with a person – what that’s three years! Then they say add additional time if the relationship was toxic or abusive. Man, ain’t no body got time for that!! I’m ready for this to be over and done with!
Then I read this quote – You only struggle because you are ready to grow but aren’t willing to let go. Drew Gerald
Well, dang!!!! I have to deal with these feelings if I wanted to move on. I have to step up to the plate. I have to cope with what I was really feeling. I had to deal or stay stuck. So it went like this – I am angry. I am hurt. I am embarrassed. I am full of ashamed and guilt. I feel betrayed. I feel used. I was ABUSED!!! But wait – I knew all of that! I had already acknowledged that. BUT I hadn’t let it go!!!
I hadn’t let it go! I was still holding on to so much anger and pain! Although I had healed a lot; there was a part of me that was a lot I was still holding on to. I was so mad! Like when would this stop! When would this end! So I set deal with it once and for all. I wanted answers. I want to know why. I was pissed. Maybe the research was right – it does take time to get over all the pain.
So, on my mental health day. I sat and allowed myself to accept where I was in the process. I gave myself the space to cry and to grieve and to be angry. I gave myself permission to be okay with not being okay. And the funniest thing happened – NO TEARS!! Like, where were the freaking tears! I sat aside a whole day to allow the tears to fall and nothing, absolutely nothing happened!
That’s when I realized by facing my fears and given room for me to feel what I so desperately wanted to avoid, I took control over them. I won the battle. Now do I believe it’s completely over? NO!! But I will give way to the feelings as they come. I will stop being so hard on myself thinking something is wrong with me and that it’s wrong for me to express my feelings.
My mental health day was a good day and it didn’t involve a glass of wine at least not yet – it gave me an opportunity to check my mental health and see that all is well after all.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 20, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
Although, 46 was very eventful, scary, foreign, and full of first for me, I can sit here and say I wouldn’t change anything about it!! I grew so much mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My business grew. My self-awareness grew. My network grew. My love grew. Thankfully my pants size did NOT grow (yay for that)!!
But here are some reflections I’d like to share. This year showed me…
- The true definition of strength. For most of my adult life, I compared myself to everyone resulting in me questioning my abilities and my strength. Sadly, I truly lived life afraid I wasn’t strong enough to do certain things. I allowed fear to paralyze me and hinder me from doing the thing I longed to do the most; like, speak in front of a group. Yet, this year I did it more times than I can count. Now, I teach other women to define what strength means to them and how to embrace it.
- I attract what I become. One of the things my ex would constantly tell me was “no one loves you but me”. And I believed it! I was so fearful of him not being a part of my life because I desperately wanted to be loved and I thought he was the only one that would truly love me. This year, I learned I attract what I become, so I became my own lover. I learned to love myself unconditionally and unapologetically. In return, I attracted people that do the same.
- My happiness is a choice I get to make. Happiness is a something I can have or something I sit on the side and watch others enjoy. Well this year I decided I was going to have it!! I was going to have a lot of it. And I would determine what it looks like and not focus on what others say it is. No longer would I look for others to fulfill my “happy tank” I would surround myself with the things in life that constantly made me happy so that my tank would never run low.
- I have really good friends. I’ve learned the true meaning of healthy relationships, setting boundaries and sticking to them! Which also meant I had to admit I had some really unhealthy relationships and no boundaries! This year, I made some hard decisions. I had to let some stuff and some people go but now I have relationships that serve me and not take advantage of me. I have people that I can depend on and people I don’t mind serving.
- Traditions have their place but should never replace an opportunity to grow. This year, I learned I had a lot of traditions that robbed me of happiness, joy and life. I was doing thing not because I wanted to but because it was what I always did. I changed that this year, now I do things that I desire. Things that make me happy. Things that help me grow. Things that I love. No more tradition for the sake of tradition – now it’s all because it I really want to do it.
I’m excited about 47!! I’m excited about what’s to come. But more than anything…. I’m excited that 46 taught me to live today and if tomorrow comes, be happy! I have another opportunity to make yesterday jealous!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 11, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth, More Abundant Series
There is a gazillon (is that even a word) quotes on being successful. Go a head and google it, I’ll wait. (tapping fingers patiently) I was right, wasn’t I? There’s a lot. But here’s the thing, no one ever tells you success starts with a decision to want to be successful.
Seriously, many will say, “I’m going to be successful” – that’s a “thought”. But actually, putting together a plan and executing is when the “decision’ is made.
There will be moments when you want to give up. There will be moments when you feel it’s more work than you want to do. There will be times when you say, “the heck with it, I’m done”!! And those are the moments when you ask yourself “did I make a decision or have a thought”?
A thought will allow you to quit. A thought will let you give up. A thought will run at the first sign of struggle. A thought will cry and throw in the towel.
But a decision…. Oh, it keeps going even when you can’t see anything happening. It keeps going when everyone around you says to quit. A decision pushes through the tears. A decision decides this is what I want and I’m not going to stop until I get it.
A DECISION – now that’s the real secret to success.
Regardless what success looks like to you, when you decide that you really want it, no one can stop you. No one can distract you. No one can deter you. You will do everything in your power to make it happen.
So, I ask, do you want to be successful? Maybe it’s building your business. Getting that promotion. Strengthening your marriage. Developing better friendships. Encouraging your children. Losing weight. Writing the book. Getting out of the abusive relationship. Whatever it is… Whatever you deem success looks like to you. How bad do you want it? Have you decided or are you still thinking?
Write the vision and make it plain…(Habakkuk 2:2)
Here’s the secrets I promised… the steps to being successful
1. Make a plan. You will never get where you are intending to go without a plan. Let’s face it we are creatures of habit and without a plan we do we’ve always done.
2. Execute the plan. Having a plan is not enough. You MUST take the steps you’ve defined in your plan. Get up off the couch and go to the gym. Set aside 30 minutes a day and write in your book. Plan fun activities with your loved ones. Work your plan or it won’t work.
3. Take risk. Anyone who has ever been successful, took risk. You can’t play it safe and be successful. Not only does it broaden your horizons, it makes life fun.
4. Do not settle. You will never accomplish the goals you set for yourself settling. It just won’t happen. If I settled with just writing in my journal, I would have never published my books. If I had settled with tolerating life, I would have never created a life I love.
5. Ask for help. Find a person who is doing what you want to do and ask for help. Most people who are successful don’t mind helping you because they know how much they struggled to get where they are and wished someone would have helped them.
6. Listen to instruction!!! The one thing that would keep someone from helping you (outside of selfishness) is having their time and knowledge wasted. Remember you sought them out because they are where you want to be. So, listen to them. Glean from them. Learn from them.
7. Celebrate often. Don’t wait until the end to celebrate. Find ways to celebrate the small wins because that is what will keep you pushing forward.
You can do this. In fact, you can use the above steps to accomplish anything you want in life. It all begins with a decision.
Until Next Time,
Mothers make sacrifices that often go unnoticed and unappreciated. They sacrifice their body, their mind, their emotions, their entire life to nurture another human. And most mothers would do it all over again without regret. 
