by Coach Tina | Sep 27, 2018 | Fear, Growth
The voices were so loud! They seemed to be screaming at me. They intimidated me! Reminding me of all the times I failed. Reminding me of how people laughed at me when I failed. Reminding me of all 
the people waiting for me to fail. Reminding me of how I felt when I failed. I could NOT get them out of my head! They were so loud, it felt like a herd of cattle running back and forth in my mind.
Then I heard a still voice. A voice that said ‘YOU can do it’. A voice that said, ‘if YOU don’t, who will’. A voice reminding me how I prayed someone had spoken up for me and that NOW I have an opportunity to speak up for myself. A voice reminding me that NO one can stop my progress but me. A voice reminding me there is no failure, just an opportunity to do it better. A voice reminding me if I don’t try, I’ve already failed. A voice reminding me that the only view that matters is my own. A voice reminding me that I am the expert in my own life. A voice reminding me that by speaking up, I give permission for others to do the same. A voice reminding me of how awesome I am because I tried.
There comes a time when you must JUST DO IT ANYWAY! In the midst of your fears – do it anyway! While feeling incapable – do it anyway! When it doesn’t quite make sense – do it anyway! When it appears you’re all alone – go ahead DO IT ANYWAY!
Your life was NOT created to be a spectator sport. It was created to be an example of what can happen if you DO IT ANYWAY! It’s time to quiet the loud voices so you can hear the still small voice that matters.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 8, 2018 | Encouragement, Growth, Highlights
OUTSPOKEN ∙ CONFIDENT ∙ HONEST ∙ DIRECT ∙ BOLD ∙ CANDID ∙ STRAIGHT-FORWARD
Words we would use to describe a strong and confident woman who knows who she is and what she wants. These are also the words used to describe a woman who is guarded and unwilling to let too many people get close because she refuses to be hurt again!
Meet Trina
When we meet Trina, her personality filled the room. She came across as a woman completely in control of who she was and able to accomplish whatever she desired. Her demeanor was one of confidence yet very guarded. A single mom demanding respect for her accomplishments and those of her kids, she expected nothing but the best.
For a person who demands respect and enjoys control, an impromptu coaching session was not on her list of things to do that day and it showed in her demeanor. The first words to come out of her mouth were “I’m good. I don’t know why I was ‘forced’ into this conversation.” Here’s the video about our first encounter.
With her wall of protection securely in place we dove in and soon the gate opened, and I was allowed to walk in. Hurt and pain had built a secure wall of protection not only around Trina’s heart but around her mind as well. Independence and self-motivation had become her way of life.
After a conversation, she purchased “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing”. Her assignment, read the book and call me. She soon began participating in the SisterTalk face-to-face group and committed to a follow-up session. We worked on setting boundaries and self-care.
Today, Trina’s entire outlook on life has changed. She has literally torn down the wall of protection, which she admits was a wall of isolation, and is now, in her words “living her best life”. She learned to stop allowing fear to keep her from pursuing the life she desired. A resent solo vacation helped her to see how strong she really is and how spending time with herself pushed her out of her comfort zone into a place of risk and reward.
Trina recently completely renovated a floor in her home, having never used any power tools in her life. She is currently serving as a co-facilitator for Girl’s SpeakOut-Raleigh, and will be featured at the 4th Annual HELP Conference, stepping completely out of her comfort zone!! Her confidence in herself and her abilities has sky-rocketed. Here’s her words:
“my experience with your coaching has helped me to fine tune the things about me where I had doubts. I’ve always been outspoken but now what “seemed like” confidence and surety – IS. I am no longer faking it until I make it, I am all those things I aspired to be. I have a little more empathy and compassion because I understand better that bad or unfortunate things are not exclusive to me and that my being on the other side of some of those things can be the push that someone else needed. I don’t feel as guarded but I do know how now to set boundaries and apply them. I am fearless and learning what things serve me for the bigger and better purpose versus the things that keep me stagnant and stuck in what’s familiar even when it’s not healthy. Learning that my own validation is sufficient has been an eye opener. Realizing that I’ve already failed if I never try, I step out of my comfort zone and do things that help me grow as person.”
She tore her wall down! And began to live!
by Coach Tina | Sep 4, 2018 | Gratitude, Growth
Those that have been following me for a while know my favorite season is FALL! It’s something about sitting in the crisp air, watching the leaves change colors and drinking warm apple cider. It just makes me happy and everyone wants to be happy right?
Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is always dangerous). The type of thinking where you ask yourself crazy questions like:
Why did you allow that to happen?
Why didn’t you stop it from happening?
What if you really weren’t enough and that’s why it happened?
What if you made the wrong decision?
What if you walked away to soon?
What if things could have gotten better?
Like where in the heck did these thoughts come from? It happened because it would have NEVER changed. I would have NEVER stopped it. It WASN’T my job to stop it. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I AM good enough … the Bible tells me so! NO seriously that’s why I’m good enough! The wrong decision? According to who? Things would have NEVER gotten better, and I SHOULD have stopped sooner!! (That’s how I must talk to my inner voice to quiet her down – you should try it)
But those questions were keeping me up at night and causing me to want to binge. I had to address them and address them now!
Why was I feeling these things? Why was I basking in this pain? Like WHY!!
I was forced to be honest with myself. I was feeling empty. I was feeling lonely. I was feeling unhappy.
But something about knowing Fall is around the corner helped me. Pushed me. Motivated me. Replenished me.
Would I still be a single, divorced woman? Yep! But that does NOT define me. I am a single, divorced woman that is living the life she has created for herself and enjoying the freedom of not having to carry the burdens of someone else. I am a woman able to decide what makes her happy without worrying if it will make someone else uncomfortable. I am a woman unwilling to downplay who she is because it causes someone else to question who they are. I am a woman strong, bold and beautiful. I don’t know if you caught that or not but the adjectives I used to describe myself changed. Why? Because that’s not what defines me – it’s what happened. It was my Fall. Crisp air, changing leaves and warm apple cider!
Fall is a reminder to me that change is good and can be beautiful. It reminds me that to grow something must die. It reminds me that at the end of everything is the beginning of something else. It reminds me that life is all about what you make it.
So, as I sit here on this hot summer day, drinking a glass of ice cold water because it’s still very hot here, I smile with anticipation that just like the seasons change, so does life. I put this big expectation on myself that I should be over the pain by now. That it shouldn’t bother me. That it shouldn’t still hurt. But then I stop because I would NEVER put those same expectations on a client. So why do I put them on myself. I am human! Just like the seasons change so will my feelings and it’s okay!!
Until Next Time,
Purchase your tickets for HELP Conference 2018 here
by Coach Tina | Aug 29, 2018 | Focus, Growth, Highlights, purpose
Meet Alicia!
Alicia came to BuildHER Life Coaching after signing up to be a vendor at the 2017 HELP Conference. Because of health issues, she was unable to attend but stayed connected to Tina via social media. She quietly followed for a few months before making post comments and engaging in the monthly bible challenges. She began to see a change in her overall perspective but wanted more. When the Declutter and Live Challenge opened, Alicia knew she wanted to be a part and signed up immediately. According to her, “the challenged changed her life”.
Alicia was one of many that was good at setting goals even making small steps to accomplish them but would easily become distracted by outside stressors or health issues and get off track. Determined “to complete something” and “make this time different”, Alicia dug in deep, focused on doing the work, completed each group challenge and followed the instructions provided in the coaching sessions.
Her first physical connection was attending the SisterTalk Group. Although she had seen a dramatic change in her life by interacting with the group on social media, she wanted more. The group helped Alicia to see she was not alone in this fight to change her life and the importance of connecting with other women.
Eager for more, Alicia purchased Tina’s book “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing” and well here are her words: I hadn’t even finished reading the 3rd chapter and I knew I had to make a change and it was up to me to do it! OMG! Thank you for allowing God to use you. There is indeed an anointing on your life. I had a spiritual and emotional break thru this morning, and I am convinced it happened because I was willing to get some of the clutter out of my life. I know now that I’m not created to be the Energizer Bunny–may sound silly. However, for about 15 years I have tried to do so much and was in direct disobedience to God by not resting and taking care of myself. I would go and go and go for others, and then watch as those same people criticized me for not doing enough or doing things their way. Now, I will not be the Energizer Bunny any more. I will be my energetic, servant-hearted self, but no longer at the expense of my own health and relationships. God is working on me ~Hallelujah!
After working several years in day care services, Alicia is now serving as the NEW Day Care Director at WeeCare Child Care in Fuquay-Varina!! She enjoys going to the beach with her friends, and growing her Thirty-One Business. But more than anything she’s excited to have gotten her health back track by putting herself first. She tore down her wall and is now building her masterpiece.
HELP Conference 2018 – October 13th Get tickets here
by Coach Tina | May 17, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
The journey to recovery (whatever that recovery is in your life) can feel like an emotional roller coaster. One day you’re up, the next day you’re down. And at any moment, memories can lead you down a path of regret, fear and disbelief or send you dancing in the rain as you remember how free you feel from all the despair and pain.
One of the major battles can be trying to decide what you are feeling! Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you mad? Maybe it’s excitement. Nah, that must be fear! For me the mere freedom to “feel” anything was overwhelming. I had lived in denial for so long, I didn’t know how to step away from it.
Determined to get off the roller coaster of emotions, I began reading self-help books and talking to my therapist. I even called some of my coaching friends for advice. I had the saints to pray. I went on a spiritual fast. I was tired of the roller coaster and I wanted OFF!
Sadly, regardless of which source I decided to listen to (because you know we always listen to the one that tell us what we want to hear), the instructions were the same. Face your fears and deal with the “stuff”. Stop running from the inevitable. “Eat the cake Anna Mae”! I had to climb the hill. I had to go up the mountain. 
They weren’t telling me anything different from what I told my own clients. Heck, they weren’t telling me anything I hadn’t told myself (remember I talk to myself on a regular). I just didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to pack it away and hope it would eventually go away. It seems the more “stuff” I dealt with the more “stuff” showed up. The memories I had suppressed were scary and filled with pain and heartache. I didn’t want to deal with that mess. I just wanted to act like it never happened!!! And here it was starring me in my face – like it paid my bills. Actually, it did because I couldn’t move forward until I dealt with all this crap!!!
When I finally stopped procrastinating and avoiding my truth, I realized I was the one hindering my own progress. It wasn’t what other people had done to me. It was my need to hide the pain and fear. It was my need to be in control of the situation. It was fear that was robbing me from my happiness!!
I had allowed fear and denial to keep me from experiencing joy and happiness. From living a life of hope and joy. Dang!! I had to stop blaming everyone else and square up with the person in the mirror. I did it! Yep, all me! Nobody else! I was the one holding myself back.
Well I dug in head first and slowly replaced the insecurities with confidence. I started dancing in the rain. I started to enjoy life. I laughed more. I took risk because I refuse to allow fear to lead me around in shackles. Do I still find myself on the roller coaster? YEP!! Sure, I do but I’ve learn to appreciate the ride. I realize when the ride seems scary, it’s me refusing to go to the next level. Yet every level I tackle increases my confidence and trust in myself and the decisions I make. My self-worth is no longer contingent on what others think of me. It’s based on what I believe about myself. Is it hard? YES!! I will never lie to you. There are days I just want to be by myself and cry and that’s what I do. Then there are days I really need to be around my friends and love on each other and we do that very well (sometimes too well-see about last night).
I’ve learned not to allow the roller coaster ride to scare me. In all honesty, it was the scariest rides that I can attest to saving my life. Taking the climb allowed me to look at the world from a different view. It wasn’t always pretty but the view from the top was breath-taking and freeing. Well just like with any roller coaster ride you can’t stay at the top for long but that ride down. Babeeee it allowed me to lift my hands above my head, scream at the top of my lungs as the wind blew through my hair and rejoice because once again I made it through the ride of my life.
Until Next Time,
the people waiting for me to fail. Reminding me of how I felt when I failed. I could NOT get them out of my head! They were so loud, it felt like a herd of cattle running back and forth in my mind.
