by Coach Tina | Jul 18, 2019 | Bible Challenge, Growth, purpose
Sometimes I think I do too much!! I tell too much! I think it comes off as complaining or attention seeking! THEN I will hear from one of you and how my story has given you courage to fight another day. Given you permission to say NO. Encouraged you to try again. Reminded you that you are not alone.
That’s what your story should do! It should encourage others to want to be better, to do better, and to help others. You didn’t go through what you went through just to experience it. You went through it to show up as a survivor, as a warrior. To show up victoriously!
God allowed you to survive because HE knew HE could trust you with what you learned.
Truth of the matter – wanting to shy away from my story and hide behind the mask is exactly what my abusers want me to do. Speaking out meant they can no longer control me. Speaking out meant I can heal from what afflicted me.
Every time I share my story I get stronger. A link in the chain of bondage breaks. Every time I speak on abuse or encourage another woman, I’m reminded I’m no longer in that situation and I have something to celebrate.
I’m not going to lie; it’s not easy telling it! I tend to shy away from the parts that haunt me at night. There are times I look in the mirror and can see that woman who didn’t believe she was enough. Every now and then I see that woman that believed she did something to deserve what happened to her. But then I look myself in the eyes and say:
YOU MADE IT! YOU SURVIVED! YOU ARE AMAZING! YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS!
YES, I talk to myself! It helps erase the memories of being told I wasn’t enough. That I would never be enough. That something was wrong with me. I get through the dark by remembering to be the light!
You are called to be a light in this world. (Matthew 5:14) I’ve never seen a light shrink or fade because someone didn’t like it. Do you think the sun would hide because someone said it was too bright? Do you think a light bulb would cut itself off because someone didn’t like its color? Girl, please! Remember the ones that are tired of hearing your voice, are the ones that tried to silence it in the first place. Speak louder! Let them know they can’t control you or your healing.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 20, 2019 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, purpose
Rest, if you must, but don’t quit. Edgar Quest
Let’s be real sometimes rest just don’t seem like enough! If you’ve ever been emotionally or mentally tired, your understanding of that statement surpasses one who is physically tired. When you are physically tired, a nap usually does the trick. But when you add emotions into the equation, a nap is just not enough. But what do you do?
June has been a deep dive into “Persevere: Don’t Quit!”Let me tell you – I have been challenged, pulled, and pushed all around with this one. I’ve wanted to yell, cry, scream and yes even cuss a few people out. I wanted to tell them what I really thought about them and how I could see right through them and their tricks. I could see how they were manipulative and self-centered. I wanted to let them know how what they said and did hurt my feelings. I wanted to yell I am enough with or without them. I wanted to let them know that the silent treatment no longer works on me. I wanted to let them know they no longer had control over me. AND THEN…. I realized a few things!
- They didn’t deserve that kind of energy from me. (energy is everything)
- I just wanted to prove a point. (never good)
- I was looking to validate how I felt by making them look at me. (they could care less)
- I was ACTUALLY allowing their mistreatment to affect me by dwelling on it. (doing exactly what they wanted)
- Their behavior was typical of an abuser and I shouldn’t be surprised. (get yo life)
- Everyone must answer to their own behavior and as much as I wanted, I could NEVER make a person change. (they ain’t changing)
- I was responsible for how I responded NOT why the person did what they did. (prioritize)
- I had to do more than just warn people of misbehavior, I had to show them what it looked like. And more importantly how to protect yourself from it. (get in position)
I found myself in a dilemma: FIGHT OR QUIT! Well I ain’t NO QUITTER! I knew what I had to do but not sure how to do it. I didn’t want it to look like I was whining. I didn’t want it to look like I was bitter. And I definitely didn’t want to look like a PUNK! I could NOT sit back and watch people I cared about be torn apart by wounded vindictive predators. I had to own my story! I had to get over the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). I had to stand up and fight. I had to take back the control I had given away. I had to stop being afraid of what people would say. I put my gloves on because ONE thing I’ve learned people are going to talk so why not give them a good story to tell.
I’m not sure how this all will look but now that I’ve rested, it’s time to FIGHT! Fight for myself. Fight for other women. Fight for those that aren’t aware. Fight for those who are aware but afraid to admit what they know. Fight for our little girls!! Our little girls SHOULD NEVER have to experience abuse, insecurity, bullying or mishandling! They will KNOW who they are! They will know how to fight! They will know it’s okay to rest but never quit!
This isn’t JUST about abuse from a man. This is abuse from all toxic people!!! I look forward to you joining in for the ride. Make sure to drop your comments, questions or concerns below. If there are topic you want me to cover leave those as well. But whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT! You are in the fight for your life. Put on those boxing gloves and let’s go!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 22, 2019 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
Some days, I have it all together!
Some days, I make it LOOK like I have it all together.
But every now and then I have days where everything in me screams in total rage, making me want to throw in the towel and say, “to HELL with everything!” Sound familiar?
The days when everything was screaming at me and I wanted to give up, are also the days I didn’t want to put on my big girl pants. Heck, I didn’t want to put on any pants! I wanted to climb under my covers and just let the time pass away. I didn’t want to be a coach. I didn’t want to be motivating or encouraging. I didn’t want to be a “christian”. I didn’t want to be friendly. I didn’t want to even exist. Existing hurt to bad. Existing meant I had to accept what was going on. Existing meant I had to pull myself up and do something. Existing meant I had to BE! And I just didn’t want to BE – I wanted to be left alone!I I wanted the world to stop for just a moment so I could catch my breath and sit in my pity party! It was those days, I found myself replaying EVERY negative word my abusers (Yes, multiple) ever said to me. I questioned everything about me. I searched for every flaw I could find. I didn’t need anyone else to torture me, I tortured myself. Constantly second guessing every decision I ever made. When I went deep, I went REAL DEEP! I would grab a spoon, climb into a hole and dig it deeper! 
However, when I look back at those days, I have to admit, those where the days I grew the most. Those were the days I came out ready to fight. Those were the days I came out loving myself a little deeper. Those were the days I set boundaries that I could implement without fear. Those were the days courage took over and fear took a back seat. Those were the days my abusers lost power over me. Those were the days my big girl pants became more attractive and fit flawlessly. Those were the days not only did I BECOME, but wanted to help others get out of their own way and BECOME!
We’ve been taught to “keep it together”. To wear a smile at all times. To put our best foot forward. To NEVER let them see you sweat. To stay away from the darkness. GIRL, BYE!!! Keep holding that stuff in! You are going to explode! If it never rained, how would we ever learn to appreciate the sunshine?
The dark days are not there to discourage you. If you allow them, they will encourage you. They will build you. They will grow you. It’s when you deny your feelings, acting like everything is alright, when you actually fall apart. One of my favorite authors, Shelia Walsh says it best, “It’s okay to not be okay”! That was the best thing I ever
We were not put here to be perfect.
Perfect people DO NOT EXIST! Perfect places DO NOT EXIST!
Perfect situations ARE CREATED by imperfect people!
When I feel those dark moments arising, I take out my planner and schedule a mental health day! Seriously, I take a pen and mark a day in my calendar for me to give in to those feelings. Once that day is over, I document what I learned and move on. To some that may seem extreme but to be honest, it has been my saving grace. Learning to accept myself as I am and not allowing the need to be perfect control me, has been one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever given myself. You should try it! My name is Tina and my perfection is flawed!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 5, 2019 | Fear
I knew after the encounter with First Lady, my life would never be the same. It appeared everything I had covered up and ignored was coming back like flashing lights on the darkest night!
I had to make a plan. I could not continue to live like that. But I so afraid! I was scarier than a hooker who just stole money from her pimp! (Don’t ask me why that is the image I decided to give you, but I think you get the picture).
I made a plan and solicited the help of a really good support group to help me stick to it. I knew my life depended on it. Because I was displaying confidence and self-awareness, the toxic behaviors stopped being so subtle. I had to implement the plan and leave!
I will not lie to you it took over a year for me to develop the courage to leave. It took over a year for me to stop beating myself up for leaving. It took another year for me realize I deserved to leave.
So now I work with women to help them build the confidence, provide support and strategy not just to leave an abusive relationship but to create a life they love and stop tolerating a life that was dropped in their lap.
My plan started with realizing my self-worth! Taking a break from the constant belittling and mistreatment. Deciding that I had to do something.
Here’s the part I left out – I couldn’t do it for me! But when I saw the toxic behaviors spurring from my child, I knew I had to do something!
The course that I am releasing is designed to help women ESTABLISH HER! Her is the little girl inside of each of us that has been abandoned by someone -usually US! Because she does not have anyone she can trust to help her when scared, she rebels and reminds us of all the bad things we’ve ever done in life. She causes us to question ever decision we make. She keeps us in our comfort zone because at least she knows what to expect while there.
Your HER may not be running from a toxic marriage but where has she been abandoned? Was it an absentee father? Was it an uncle that molested you? What is a boyfriend that promised to never leave you? Was it a friend that lied on you? Was it a boss that promised the next promotion was yours? Was it a mother that never had time for you? Was it a bully on the playground? What is she running from?
I hope you will join me in this course as I walk you through the plan I personally used to build my confidence and rebuild my life. If you are not ready to do the work and you believe you can continue to turn back on the pain you are feeling, then I’ll say bye right here! But if you know you need some guidance to move forward, I will see you in the course!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 5, 2019 | Fear
This is the 3rd email in a series I did introducing my new self-paced course, Establishing HER. Here is the outline for the course.
Girl can you believe this???
I hope you are enjoying this series. It has been very therapeutic writing it! I’ve reconnected with my original purpose of NOT WANTING ANY WOMAN TO FEEL UNLOVED AND UNAPPRECIATED!
Yesterday, we left off with me having presented a workshop to a group of women on the different types of abuse. Yes, I still offer that workshop if you would like me to present it to your group, call me!
After completing the workshop, I went into the lady’s room and was approached by a lady in her mid-40s. She looked around making sure no one was in the bathroom with us and asked if she could show me something. She unwrapped her tailored dress revealing bruises on her entire torso. My eyes still tear up every time I tell this story! After a brief discussion, she agreed to go to the doctor and have herself checked and to think about how she would handle the situation with who ever did this to her. All the way home, I cried for this woman. Asking God to reveal her importance and the love that HE has for her. To help her see she deserves so much more than to be abused. To provide someone in her life that would be a comfort, confidant and sounding board for her. I asked him to expose the enemy and how he was using fear to keep her in an abusive situation. OH I was so spiritual!! A few days later, I received a call and found out she was the first lady of that church and my heart sank!!!
Yes, because this was happening in the church but more because I had to be real with myself! I didn’t have bruises on my body but my heart and my mental health were being abused everyday!
It was then after hanging up from that call, I made a decision! NO MORE! I had to figure out a way to get out of this mess. I had to find a way to save myself. I had to find a way…….
Let’s finish this tomorrow! I just dumped a lot on you! And pulled a lot out of me by saying it to the world!
Until Next Time,
