by Coach Tina | Feb 28, 2023 | Empowerment, Encouragement, purpose
With so many coaches and consultants popping up, it is hard to determine the right fit for you. I often tell my clients you want to find a coach or consultant that you can connect with. One that will provide you with a challenge but also understand your apprehensions.
Any time you take on a new endeavor or make a choice to change something in your life, there is usually some apprehensions or fear. I believe it doesn’t scare you a little bit, you are playing to small and need to step out of your comfort zone.
That brings me to the 5 things I love doing for my clients.
- Encouraging them to jump! The only way to learn to fly is by jumping into the sky. You must be willing to break free from your comfort zone and take a leap. Because I am clearly aware of how fear can paralyze you, I do have empathy BUT because of that same observation, I know the importance of the push.
- Giving them permission to draw outside of the lines! We were all taught to play by the rules and color inside the lines. But what has that got you? A life that is anything but daring. Women are daring. We’re risk takers. Ask any woman that have brought life into this world or have navigated the world of dating. Those are risk on a whole different level. But most of our lives have been about taking risk that benefit someone else. Well, my philosophy is you can be selfish and draw outside the lines and create new lines if necessary.
- Changing their mindset! There is NO such thing as failure. You either do it or learn what don’t work. I love helping my clients embrace the idea they can start over as many times as necessary to accomplish their goals and it does not make them failure. It strengthens their trust in themselves and the environment they create.
- Releasing the BOSS! In my opinion, EVERY woman is a BOSS. Maybe she hasn’t been given permission to show up as the BOSS in her own life, but she is a BOSS none the less. I help her package herself as her most valued product and present it to the audience of her choosing.
- Providing structure in the mist of chaos. Life is complicated. If you are juggling professional and personal life, you have your hands full. I provide structure to madness and help them create systems that streamline life and bring harmony to the chaos. It’s never going to be perfect but it can be manageable.
I hope this helps you to see why finding the right coach or consultant is key. If you are struggling with whether you need to hire a coach or a consultant, please read this blog where I explain the difference. Remember this is your life. Everything you need is inside of you, maybe having the right helper can empower you to release it.
If you would like to discuss this topic further or work with me, please contact me at info@tinabaileyonline.comntil
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jan 18, 2023 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, purpose
Then the LORD said to me, “Write the vision and make it plain. So those that read it can run “. Habakkuk 2:2
Until a few years ago, I used the surfaced version of that scripture WRITE THE VISION, MAKE IT PLAIN but as I began to teach others to craft their own vision, I noticed the latter part, SO THOSE THAT READ IT CAN RUN and something in my soul began to stir.
- Your vision must inspire.
- Your vision must motivate others to want to do more.
- Your vision must be something others want to be a part of.
- Your vision must be intentional with an intended purpose.
- Your vision must speak to the heart of a person.
- Your vision must speak to your heart.
- Your vision must make people want to RUN and tell someone else.
When I looked at the requirements of what a vision must do, what I had did not measure up. I went back to the drawing board. Now my vision speaks to me and hopefully to others.
My vision is a space where every excuse is met with a solution, where every obstacle becomes a triumph, where every dream becomes a reality and where every woman walks unapologetically in her calling.
Sounds massive and even impossible. But God told me “Plainly write the vision so others will help you accomplish it”. And He has not fallen back on His promise. I’m so thankful for those that support the vision and continue to make it a reality.
Tina Bailey Online is composed of TWO main parts.
BuildHER Collaboration, a nonprofit providing education, resources and training that support survivors of domestic abuse and sexual trauma. We offer programs designed to help survivors build a NEW foundation, provide a space where women can be part of a sisterhood, and provide training to the community to help them become better advocates for victims.
Tina Bailey Consulting & Coaching is a where the magic happens. This is where the over 25 years of nonprofit work, 15 years of project management, 10 years of coaching and my love for creating, comes together and destroys the excuses and obstacles that keep people stuck in situations that destroy them. This is where I live out my own dreams and keep myself from falling back on the floor. (If you don’t know what I’m referring to go back and read the blog right before this one) This is where all “the things” reside. The courses, the podcast, the books, the programs, the trainings, the workshops, the boot camps, the masterminds. This is the resources. This is the how. The nonprofit is the why!
I don’t have all the answers required to fulfill the vision. It’s too big. But in the words of Iyanla Vanzant, if your dream don’t scare you and make you pee just a little bit, it’s too small. You see, I depend on God and the people He place in my life to make the vision a reality. I also depend on all the lessons I’ve learned over the years to keep the vision plain so others can share it and I can satisfy my promise to God.
Your gift is His gift to you; what you do with it, is your gift to Him.
Write your vision, make it crystal clear and watch others take it and run.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 5, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, purpose
For many African Americans July 4th is just another day on the calendar. We realize our independence is NOT associated with this day at all. For a long time, I didn’t quite get it. I felt we are making something out of nothing. Until I came into my own understanding of why we celebrate June 19th instead. I say this because it gives a caveat for what’s to come in this blog.
Many women live a life where they can authentically celebrate the accomplishments of their family and friends but struggle to celebrate their own accomplishments. We shrink to a spec of dirt if someone applauds our efforts and get our tails in a bunch if they don’t. We are some complex characters. Now if you are not one of those women, maybe this blog is not for you. But I guarantee there have been moments where you downplayed your accomplishments because you didn’t know how to accept the applauds. If so, keep reading.
Independence is a personal declaration. There is NO specific way it is supposed to look. There are no guidelines issued. There is NO right or wrong. You get to determine what independence looks like for you. You also get to decide what you need independence from. Maybe you are seeking independence from traditions that no longer serve you. Maybe it’s an expectation that you had of how things are supposed to be. Maybe it’s disappointment of how things turned out. Maybe it’s sitting quiet when you want to scream. Maybe it’s a timeline that people have imposed on you. Maybe it’s the inner critic constantly reminding you of what you haven’t accomplished. What ever has you strapped in bondage and keeps you from cheering your accomplishments is the THING you may want to seek independence from.
Your independence is personal. It will not look like mine, nor will it look like someone else’s. There is no timeline. No time restraint. No manual. No expectation. NOTHING but your personal declaration of what you want in this life. For many years I lived a miserable life trying to be everything I thought others wanted me to be. I talk in detail about it in my first book, “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing”. I thought I needed to be the perfect daughter, mother, wife, employee, friend. I thought if I said no the world was going to open and I was going to fall in. I thought if I didn’t do everything right, I would let someone down. I was miserable. Not from feeling less than but from exhaustion. I was trying to be everything others wanted me to be and not knowing what I wanted to be.
When I decided to take some time to figure out who TINA really was, I found myself lost. I don’t mean like driving down the road and missing a turn type of loss. I was driving in the dark with no lights on kind of loss. I had no direction or guidance. I crashed a lot. Until I found the light switch and turned it on. I still made mistakes. I still took some wrong turns. But I took turns that looked right to me. I took the scenic route, but I found it to be beautiful. I found myself on those winding roads doing it my way. I released myself from the fear, obligation and guilt of the expectations others had for me. I found my independence. I found courage. I found hope. I found a new norm. I found ME. Was it scary? Absolutely but I’d do it all again because without it I would still be trying to please others and living a lie.
So, this year let’s look for our independence. Let’s look for the things we need to release so we can be free to be who we were created to be. There is NO right or wrong. Just a willingness to move forward. Remember the greatest liberation is a desire to let go of being perfect in an imperfect world. What do you need to let go of? I’d love to hear about it.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 13, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing, purpose
Establishing boundaries and creating self-trust go hand in hand. The more you set and honor your boundaries, the more you begin to trust yourself and believe in yourself. The more you trust yourself, the healthier your boundaries become and the easier it is to implement them.
Many survivors struggle with setting boundaries because they are afraid of offending someone or have never felt comfortable standing up for themselves. They question whether what they desire is feasible, healthy, or fair. They are accustomed to having their needs minimized. They have been told on many occasions NO to things they truly desire. They often question themselves and just as often compare themselves to others.
Theodore Roosevelt pinned the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Giving the impression when you compare yourself to other, you will never truly find joy. Having a standard by which you live even when comparing it to someone else, is not in itself a bad thing. However, looking at their situation as unattainable or minimizing your accomplishments as it relates to theirs, now that will rob you of happiness.
Everybody has challenges. You can find a person deemed the most successful, most beautiful, most accomplished and versed and I guarantee if you speak with them in detail, they will have a laundry list of items that challenge them. We are all on a journey to a better version of ourselves.
Self-trust is trusting your abilities, judgement, and qualities. Self-trust is loving yourself through your mistakes and being willing to use them to be better. Self-trust is listening to the small or loud voice telling you, you deserve better. Self-trust is walking away from things that cause you to question who you are and what you want. Self-trust is dismissing negativity that presents itself as a form of criticism. Self-trust is opting out of things that previously hurt you despite your dismissal upsetting someone else. 
Establishing healthy boundaries, gives you permission to live according to the rules you establish for yourself. Healthy boundaries provide consequence to those that break your trust or values. Boundaries do not keep good people out; they keep unhealthy qualities out.
When a person challenges your boundaries many times – NO MOST TIME – it’s because you have set a standard against a behavior they have been allowed to do in the past. That, my friend, is not your problem. If what they have been used to doing, does not set right with you, it is a problem and it is theirs. Give yourself permission to say NO, to stand up for yourself and what you want, to address things that don’t set right with you. Those that truly love you will be accepting of your choice. Those that push back – well they may have a like for you, but they don’t love you the way you need them to.
I know it’s hard to accept that someone you love cannot reciprocate that love. But remember every time you accept their limited love and lack of respect for you, you are robbing yourself of the love you deserve. You are telling the little girl inside of you that she is not enough. You are telling the adult version of yourself that she’s not trustworthy. You have ultimately taken on the role of an abuser in your own life.
But how do you develop a stronger trust in yourself when you have never been taught? Baby steps! You take baby steps! You start small. If you stumble, you get back up, wipe yourself off and do it again and again and again. There is no magical formula for developing self-trust, especially if you have been put in a position where your choices have caused you pain. But here are some strategies.
- Forgive Yourself – Understand the person you were when you made those choices, were making choices based off what appeared best at that time. Those choices may have been appropriate at that time. And even if it did not render the best outcome, you learned something from it.
- Love Yourself – The same love you freely give to others, give to yourself. If you would not say it to a child, don’t say it to you. Self-love is something that does not come easy if you’ve witness trauma. You blame yourself for everything. Gotta stop that. You deserve love especially from yourself.
- Be Patient with Yourself – Rome was not built in a day. Deconstructing self-doubt and re-establishing a healthy dialogue with yourself won’t be either. You would never reprimand a baby for peeing on herself, yet you belittle yourself for trying. No, No, No!
- Cut Off Negativity – Stop it in its tracks. FIRST begin with your own negative talk and behaviors. When you start showing yourself unconditional love, it will be hard to accept disrespect from others. When you find yourself repeating the negative things others have said to you, stop! That is your trauma speaking.
- Prioritize Yourself – Give yourself 21 days to totally focus on you and your wants. Be selfish with your time, your energy, and your thoughts. If it doesn’t benefit in your journey towards self-trust, don’t do it. It’s only TWENTY-ONE days. I promise they will be okay.
I can’t wait to hear all about your journey to self-trust! Join us on one of our platforms: Facebook or Mighty Networks. I look forward to connecting with you.
Until then,
by Coach Tina | May 31, 2022 | Abuse, Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose, Relationships
I can trust myself to make good decision that propel me to be a better me.
Let me start by saying learning to trust yourself after any type of betrayal is HARD! It always amazes me how we can eventually forgive the person that betrayed us yet find it difficult to trust ourselves enough to make decision that prevent us from entering relationships that potentially can cause the same damage.
I’ve had a few moments where I’ve felt the weight associated with being betrayed. I have moments where I felt I had sacrificed my own happiness and desires for others and was let down when they did not reciprocate the effort. It left me feeling I wasn’t doing enough and tried to do more, instead of realizing it wasn’t that I wasn’t doing enough, it was because the other person couldn’t receive what I was offering or unable to show the appreciation I needed them to show.
There is so much to unpack in that statement alone. We should probably do that at some point. But that is NOT what this blog will address. I found the betrayal of others, caused me to question who I was and challenged me to look at what I was doing. I was certain if I could not “satisfy” someone else with my good intentions, then maybe my “good intentions” weren’t good after all.
It took a long time for me to trust my feelings, my apprehensions, my discernment, to trust myself. I still have moments where I question if my intentions are authentic and healthy. I constantly ask myself if I’m making the right decisions. I often over-analyze the situation. I even talk myself out of some things only to go back to them.
I said all of that to say, I really don’t think a person that has been traumatized every stops second guessing themselves and their intentions. It has become part of our norm. However, it does not have to remain our only norm. We can limit our hesitations by learning one simple rule.
It’s only a mistake, if you don’t learn from it.
I had to learn there is not such thing as a mistake; it’s a mishap. There is NO failure. There’s opportunities. You either complete the task or learn what does not work and start again with a different perception. That simple philosophy has changed my entire life, professionally and personally. I don’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I just has to be MY best. PERIODT! If I am giving everything I have and it’s not enough, that is the problem of the recipient not mine. If I am being authentic in what I say and do and they don’t believe it, that’s their problem. If my good isn’t good enough, they are free to find someone they believe can do it better. When I tell you this statement set me free – it would be an understatement. I no longer question whether it’s enough for them, I make sure it’s enough for me. That I am being true to myself and giving the best that I have to offer. Giving my best has allowed me to learn to trust myself again and push myself into the best version of myself. Unapologetic and authentic. Intentional and determined. Bold and courageous. I finally started giving myself what I was wanting from others. Acceptance!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 2, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing, purpose
Each day you get a chance to live. I know to some that statement could sound awkward or condescending. But you would be amazed at how many don’t believe they deserve to live or to have the desires of their heart. They have been forced to feel like the happiness of others is more important than their own. They have been made to feel their struggles are irrelevant or petty. They have been taught to put themselves last. They have been conditioned to believe that celebrating themselves or their accomplishments as boasting. They see their achievements as minute or insignificant. They make statements like “that little ol’ thing” or “that was nothing”. They have stopped living for themselves. So I want to remind you that you get a chance to LIVE – everyday!
When you’ve grown through stages where you haven’t been heard or people have led you to doubt your thoughts, it causes you to question your existence and your purpose.
Each one of us was born with purpose and an assignment. Our purpose is formed though life’s lessons, interactions, connections, and circumstances. They form through challenges and hardships. They become relevant through the people we have been assigned to. YES, you have been assigned to someone. To some purpose. To some objective. Your life was destined.
You were created on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose.
Many times, people will go through their whole life unable to articulate what their purpose is. Have you ever made the statement, “there has to be more to life than this?” Have you ever felt like you were just going through the motions and unable to figure out what you were supposed to do?
Most times it’s the thing you shy away from or avoid that will help you to articulate your purpose. Sometimes it’s the things people always come to you for advice about. Sometimes it’s the thing that comes easy. But it is there. Waiting for you to acknowledge it. Waiting for you to give it permission to present itself to you. See those close to you can already identify it but it may take time for you to see it as something special because you use it every day.
That little girl that was told she talks too much, could have a word to share with others but question herself because people have tried to silence her. The little girl that is always asking questions, could be forming a coaching business inside of her. She could become one of the best attorneys in the world. She could become a consultant that helps organizations reach the mases. Yet because she was told to stop asking so many questions, she hesitates to speak up as an adult.
What were you told as a little girl that you are allowing to hold you back from identifying your purpose and living your assignment? What have you allowed to keep you from showing up each day, fulfilled with a desire to live unapologetically and authentically? Do you find yourself hiding behind your challenges? Do you find yourself afraid to move forward because you don’t know what tomorrow will look like?
It’s time to FOCUS! It’s time to get out of your own thoughts and lean into the purpose and assignment you have been given. Regardless of what you have heard, IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU, it’s time to let your light shine brightly that it helps lead someone else down a dark path they’ve been afraid to travel.
So today, whenever you are seeing this blog, remember you get a chance to LIVE. You get a chance to be the light in your own life first and then the light in someone else’s. It’s through your living that you walk courageously through your purpose towards your assignment.
Until Next Time,
