by Coach Tina | Aug 14, 2020 | Empowerment, Focus, Growth, Offer
Everyone has a desire to be a better version of themselves. However, many of us are stuck in denial. We may miss opportunities in our lives to be better because we don’t want to admit there are areas where we are falling short.
Each week I send out a motivational email and a journal prompt to help us move closer to a better version of ourselves. You can add yourself to this email list by clicking here. These prompts are changing lives; starting with mine. Let me say, this week’s prompt had your girl doing some deep diving and self- reflection.
Here is this week’s prompt:
I need to change (blank) so, I can be the person I desire. I desire to be (blank). Seems simple enough right – yeah you work on it!!!
Can I be very transparent for a moment?
I have a mantra I say every morning: Today is a good day. I will walk in my purpose. My purpose is to encourage women to live their best life unapologetically, to let go of things they cannot control and create a life they love. This purpose begins with me.
You see, when I first started coaching, I was NOT living that purpose. Although I was on FIRE! I mean literally on fire! I was determined to FIX every “problem” that was brought my way. I wanted to MAKE everyone want what I wanted for them. I wanted them to see themselves the way I saw them. I wanted to “change” their life. I had a “solution” to every problem.
Can I tell you something else? I was exhausted, unfulfilled and burned out. I was frustrated. I was miserable. I couldn’t understand why my clients were only accomplishing surface goals and not getting the results “I wanted for them”. (catch that) I was jumping from this idea to that just trying to make something happen.
I can admit now, I was hiding my own pain by focusing on the pain of others. I was minimizing my own issues by bringing awareness to the issues of others. I was lying to myself thinking I was okay. When I was a hot azz mess! Those that know me, know I don’t sugar coat anything these days. I also don’t hide anything. When I fail, I fail. But I make it a point to learn from those failures and make it better for myself and the women that come to me having a similar issue.
Soon I realized it is NOT my job to fix problems. It was NOT my job to change anyone (well not by force anyway). It was NOT my job to convince anyone to do anything. MY job was to provide information and allow people to do what’s best for them. It IS my job to live an example of what it looks like on the other side. It IS my job to display my own happiness and watch others want something similar. It IS my job to help people get the results THEY want. It IS my job to be ME!
Back to the journal prompt… Here is part of my journal entry: I need to change the reluctancy to promote my business, my coaching and who I am. I need to stop downplaying my gifts and talents in fear of people seeing it as boasting. I need to provide strategic opportunities for individuals that desire to work with me on a deeper level. My desire is to continue to build women that are unapologetic, intentional and courageous. Women that are healthy, empowered and resourceful in every area of their life.
This prompt helped me to see I was playing safe. I was walking in purpose, but I was being extremely cautious. I was trying to provide safety to my own ego. You cannot build/create the life you desire being cautious. You cannot tear down walls being afraid. You cannot create a masterpiece focusing on the pieces of a broken frame.
Co-dependency is a beast! It will have you thinking the things you desire are impossible. BUT they’re NOT! It’s about living a life that you create. A life that makes you happy. A life that pushes you to be better today than were yesterday. A life that you can be proud of. A life that gives you hope. A life that make you excited about waking up.
One of the goals of my coaching business is to help women create a life they love so they no longer just tolerate life. This can be creating boundaries, letting go of toxic relationships, looking at themselves in the mirror and being honest with what they see, letting go of unrealistic expectations, creating multiple streams of income, walking in their purpose, finding their purpose or just learning to be happy in their own skin.
I hope this prompt gave you an opportunity to look within and do some self-discovery work. Maybe it helped you realized you have been cheating yourself as well. I would say “it’s okay” but it’s NOT! Before you can make any change in your life, you must be willing to identify a change needs to be made. I’m always here to help you should you need someone to bounce things off or create a plan of execution. That’s what I do as a coach- I push you. I encourage you. I challenge you. But more I support you. Let’s make the change you need so you can be the person you truly desire to be.
I only offer coaching opportunities twice a year. I am accepting application for the Fall. If you would like to be considered as a client and submit an application, please click here to schedule a discovery call.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 24, 2020 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth
Ever wondered why some people are successful and others aren’t? First why are we so worried about what others do? Because we are HUMAN, don’t let no body fool you. We have those moments! However, if you focus on what others do for too long; you could become depressed by your own actions or you may become motivated by theirs!
I’ll take the motivation! I’ve lived a depressed life and it’s NO fun! I’d rather be motivated by what I see instead of depressed by what I don’t. It really is NO coincidence that successful people seek motivation in everything they do. It is, also, NO coincidence that successful people remove things from their lives that don’t motivate/move them. Marie Kondo is making a mint on that philosophy!
What motivates you? What keeps you focused on your goals? Where is your determination level? When you feel like you can’t or don’t want to move forward, what’s going on in your mind? What has your attention?
Here are some ways to help you stay focused and push through your desire to throw in the towel:
- Stop focusing on the past. Your past is just that; the past! Use it as a reference but never as an instruction manual! The instruction manual for your life is constantly being created. You will NEVER have all the answers. Everyday provides opportunities to make edits and improvements. Use them! If you don’t like the way it is, change it! If it didn’t work the way you wanted to work, learn from it and start again. Make the edit.
- Understand your priorities. There is a difference between priority and importance. The happiness of my kids is important to me. When they were younger, it was a priority. Now they are grown, their happiness must be their own priority. The marriage is a priority in comparison to friendships; but friendships are a priority in relation to materialistic items. But nothing is more of a priority than your own happiness and mental health. Read that again!
- Revisit your long-term goals. Setting goals helps you stay focused on the present and on what’s important. They help you prioritize and create momentum. They help you eliminate time wasters and establish routines. But you cannot make them and never revisit them. When you feel like giving up remember why you started in the first place. What goal were you pursuing? Is it still a goal? Is it a priority? Is it important? Or was it something that catered to the “old you”? True goals evolve and become more intentional but the essence of it remains the same.
Success does not happen overnight. It requires discipline and motivation. It requires you letting go of things that prohibit you from moving forward. Yes, even the things you love. If your desire is to lose 50 pounds, you may have to give up Aunt Mary’s famous apple cake and replace it with a baked apple with cinnamon. If your goal is to get the promotion, you may have to replace weekly nights out with the girls for studying ways to sharpen your skill sets.
The road to success can be lonely but when it’s a priority you will make it happen. Stay determined and watch your life change before your eyes. It’s time for you to be successful and happy.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 6, 2020 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Growth
I’m an independent woman!
Did you look at that statement and get an attitude? Did your eye twitch a little? Did you immediately think “who does she think she is”? Most people will see a bold statement like that as arrogant, even cocky! But truth be told, if more women were “independent” the world would be a better place. 
An independent woman does not view herself better than anyone else, but she also does NOT see herself as beneath anyone else either. She looks within for satisfaction and validation. She makes decisions based on what she wants not what others want her to do. She does not wait for others to move forward on what she wants to do. She does not dim her light to make others shine, instead she shines brighter so others can as well. She allows others to make decisions that are best for them without allowing their decisions to cause her unnecessary stress or pain (she minds her business). She lives a life that makes her proud while remaining humble. She’s an example to others of what happiness looks like. She uses her past as learning blocks not obstacles. She’s not easily distracted by shiny objects. She counts the cost but does not allow the cost to count her out. She is motivated by her dreams not others. She enjoys her own company so she’s not afraid of being alone. She knows her worth and refuses to settle for less. She embraces her flaws while constantly working to better herself. She works in excellence not perfection. She’s not easily intimidated by those around her. She knows how to command respect without intimidation or manipulation. She walks away from anything or anyone that disrespects her. She is her own BOSS making executive decisions in every aspect of her life. She motivates others to live a full life by living her own. She is not selfish or self-absorbed, but she makes herself a priority every day.
She rids her life of clutter and confusion realizing excess is a result of a scarcity mindset. She realizes she needs others to fulfill her bigger than life dreams, but she refuses to allow them to limit her. She creates peace and harmony around herself so she can manifest the life she desires. She builds others because she knows what it feels like to be torn down. She refuses to entertain gossip or the belittling of other women. She never plays victim in any situation. She is a boss in all aspects. She hurts deep but rises stronger. She loves hard but gives it to those able to handle it. She takes care of her financial obligations. She realizes things do not mean happiness. She is never wasteful. She uses time to her advantage but is not consumed by it. She never walks away from a challenge. She stands up for herself making boundaries when necessary. She lets her YES be YES and her NO be NO! She is never indecisive because she moves with excellence not perfection. She does not chase attention. She does not beg for love or affection. She is a queen in every aspect.
Do I display every one of these qualities every day? NOPE! I still have moments where I am insecure, afraid and allow my past to block me from boldly conquering fears. BUT every day I move closer to what I view as an independent woman. Every day I make the declaration over myself that I AM AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN! Everyday I show up for myself. Everyday I love myself a little deeper. Every day I forgive myself for what I didn’t realize. Every day I demand the respect I desire by giving it to myself first.
What is your description of an independent woman? How does she present herself? Are there areas in your own life you need to focus on and declare YOU ARE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN? I’d love to hear about them.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 1, 2020 | Encouragement, Growth, purpose
You mean you have the AUDACITY to think you can do that? YES I DO!!
Growing up when someone would say “you have the ‘audacity’, I would cringe. I thought who was I to think it was okay? Who was I to go against the grain? Who was I to challenge the norm? Who did I think I was? NOW, as I grow, mature and heal; I realize having audacity is a GREAT thing!
As you look back over decisions you’ve made in your life, take time to evaluate them. Did you change the way you did things out of fear of how you would be seen or judged? As I lay this ‘brick’, please use it to build your AUDACITY muscle.
It’s important for you to establish a new mindset. For years you’ve been putting others before you, trying to accommodate their needs even feeling guilty when you didn’t measure up to their expectations. But what about your expectations? Don’t you matter? Don’t your desires and dreams matter? Shouldn’t you become a priority at least some of the time in your own life?
Here are three things to consider when building your ‘audacity muscle’:
- Let go of what was. You are no longer the little girl who had to do what she was instructed. You are no longer the teenager who felt the need to fit in with the crowd. You are no longer the scared woman afraid of how she will be viewed. You no longer have to live up to the expectations of others. You are a grown woman!
Let go of the need to identify yourself with who you were and embrace who you are becoming. ‘But I don’t want to stand out! WHY?’ You were NOT created to be mediocre. You were NOT created to look or act like everyone else. You were NOT created to just exist. You WERE created to be uniquely who you are. Embrace that.
Let go of the constant need to compare yourself to others. I’ve said it before and will say it again, NO ONE brags about their failures! In fact, no one EVER brags about their failures. They may post their mishaps but NEVER their failures. Read that again!
- Visualize NEWNESS! This year 2020 has made us all a little gun-shy about looking to far into the future; however, if you don’t visualize a different you, a new you, you will continue to revisit the past thinking that’s all you have. If you dream small you will be stuck with small dreams!
Do you find yourself limiting the people you hang around because you feel you just don’t measure up? Girlfriend! Your friends should challenge you and your dreams should scare you a little bit. If your dreams don’t make you pee on yourself a little, they aren’t big enough. DREAM BIGGER! Have the audacity! Then don’t stop until you achieve them!
- Make EVERYDAY matter. Did you have a routine prior to COVID-19? Dig it back out or create another one. Every successful person has a routine. Every unsuccessful person has a routine. You see where I’m going with that? Routines decide your tomorrow! If you don’t like the way today looks, change your routine into something that will push you into a better person.
Your entire life can be unrecognizable in 30 days just by changing your routine! Don’t believe me? Did you gain some #coronaweight? I bet you did! Why? Because you changed your routine! You weren’t moving as much as before. You weren’t eating as clean as before. You became laxed. And your body adjusted to the new behavior.
Get rid of time wasters, eliminate dream-killers! YES, these can be people! Remember you are the CEO of your life. You can decide who sits on your Board of Directors and who needs to be eliminated. Some of us have doubt, shame, guilt, and confusion as members of our BOD and wonder why our business (lives) aren’t growing! Get rid of the dream killers immediately!
According to Webster, AUDACITY is a willingness to take bold risk. I’ve taken it a little further, AUDACITY is an unhindered determination to do what you were told you couldn’t do. Even when it was YOU telling you! So, the next time someone says “you have the audacity to think you can do that?” Simply reply, “YES, I DO!” and move on!
I hope this brick helps you continue to create the life you love and stop just tolerating the life you were given.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 26, 2020 | Encouragement, Growth
There are times I struggle with feeling of NOT being ENOUGH! During these times, I tell myself I’m not doing enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not small enough. I’m not smart enough. That I should be further along in my journey. I think about how I wanted things to be and how they actually are. I think about things I should have or could have done differently. Things I could have said differently. I think about how I should have said YES when really wanted to or NO when I needed to. I think about how I wish I had spoken up for myself more. I think about how much I settled.
Then I think about the individuals that walked away after promising to always be there. I judge myself harshly when I fall back into the habit of putting the wants of others before my needs. Yea, read that again. I put the WANTS of others before my NEEDS! I criticize myself for not being further along in my recovery. I look at the seemingly successful lifestyle of others and measure myself against it. I isolate myself in hopes that no one will see just how NOT ENOUGH I am. I poke fun at every flaw I have until there is nothing left to poke at. I become impatient and sabotage myself with my words and my actions. I hide from anyone that could possibly see the destruction and call me out on it. I loathe myself in hopes it will help me find motivation to do better and be better.
In the words of Lori Deschene – “We cannot hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.”
I had to realize tearing myself apart, searching for small or large discrepancies (differences), comparing myself to others, measuring myself according to the fictitious images portrayed on social media was only causing more pain. Hadn’t I suffered enough? Hadn’t I felt enough pain? Hadn’t I experienced enough turmoil to last a lifetime? I can now say YES, I have! I was simply inflicting pain onto myself because I had become accustomed to feeling pain.
I hope you CANNOT relate to this… but I also know there is a possibility that at least one reader will relate.
When you find yourself deep in the hole of despair, self-hate or destruction, I need you to focus on these 6 principles.
- You are NOT there anymore. It’s so easy to get trapped in what was that we forget what IS. Our minds are muscles. They need to be stretched every day or they will go back to what’s comfortable. Unfortunately, as survivors, comfort is pain. But you aren’t there anymore. Stretch out of it!
- No one is PERFECT. Many times, we see ourselves as NOT enough because we are searching for perfection. We are looking for everything to be right! I shouldn’t feel this way! Says who? Recovery takes time and will NEVER be perfected! It just take consistency.
- Your mind is playing tricks on you. I already said the mind is a muscle. But it also is deceitful. Isn’t funny how you only remember the good things from that bad situation when you are doubting who you are? Your mind is fighting change. It’s okay. You don’t have to give into it. In fact, life is made up of choice on what to let go of and what to keep.
- ONE day at a time. We are constantly planning. This year has taught me plans mean NOTHING! Every plan I made for this year was changed. When you find yourself overwhelmed, stop and ask, “what can you do in the next few minutes to make things different?” then do it! ONE day at a time – that’s all can we do.
- It’s OKAY to not be okay. I hate when someone says “it’s gonna get better!” YES, it is but right now it doesn’t feel like it! You must be okay with NOT being okay and avoid people that make you feel like your NOT OKAYNESS is a crime! We ALL have moments. The thing is not to stay there and being around people that make you question your feelings, – NAH you can have that!
- Fantasies are NOT reality. Let’s be real, most of us are comparing the lies and facade we see on social media as reality. I don’t know about you but the picture you see on social media is NEVER the first picture I take. There is ALWAYS a retake. Stop looking at what people show you, as reality. IT NEVER IS!
We can always find something or someone to compare ourselves or our situation to. But I’ve learned that when I compare myself to others it takes me back to a place of discontentment, isolation and depression. I begin to do things that aren’t healthy for me mentally or physically. I settle for things that I would NEVER allow a friend to settle for. I shutdown when I need to stand the tallest. I am so critical of everything around me that it disgusts me. ALL because I’m comparing myself to someone else. Someone else’s fantasy!!
Did you know there is someone praying to be where you are right now? All they want is to get to the place you are RIGHT NOW! They are willing to give anything to be there. In fact, remember when you prayed to be where you are right now? Remember when you would have given anything to be right where you are?
You are enough! You are in a good place. You may not see it but the fact that you want more, is evidence you are not ready to give up quite yet and that my friend is when the transformation can begin.
Until NEXT time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 19, 2020 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
I have always used words to paint a picture of what goes on in my head; however, difficult and controversial topics tend to cause my words to swell up in my throat and leave me gasping for air.
After years of sitting quiet, I intentionally strive to make my voice relevant and impactful while trying hard to not offend anyone. I was told my passiveness was a result of PTSD. Possibly. But I also believe it’s a result of an extensive battle of traumatic life experiences, people pleasing and just wanting to be liked. I never wanted my words to offend another or cause harm because I knew firsthand what that felt like. I thought by staying in the middle lane and unbiased, I was handling things the right way. I’m now learning that just isn’t the case. There is NO middle lane when it comes to controversial topics and some people are not going to see your viewpoint. But you MUST give it. You must choose a side. You cannot allow fear of being rejected silence your voice.
This blog has always been about women finding their voice and speaking truth in all situations and circumstances. As our country fights two Pandemics – COVID-19 and racism, I find myself a bit overwhelmed by it all. I normally withhold a lot of my viewpoints while giving those who appear to be better equipped and articulate the floor. I now realize I was just doing what I always do and staying safe out of fear of rejection.
Earlier this week in my private Facebook group I made a post, and someone commented that it offended them. So, I deleted it. OH, how I regret doing so! Not because it’s MY page. Not because she removed herself from the group even after I deleted the post but because it was an example that everyone is not going to co-sign on your beliefs and it’s okay. I had another situation this week were I gave my voice to someone that appeared to be struggling to use hers. Again, I could have lost some supporters. BUT I vowed a pledge to be a voice for the voiceless and if they walk away, they are not my people.
The old me would have sat quiet or tried to help them see my point of view. The NEW me realizes people are entitled to their own opinion and can choose who they want to connect with. I also realize that everyone is not going to like me or my thoughts and that is okay.
Why I am I saying this? Most people that will read this blog struggle with wanting to be heard and more importantly wanting to be liked. Let me clear something once and for all. EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU! and that is not your problem. Liking your self – NOW that IS your problem and your responsibility! Your voice matters. Your thoughts matter. YOU MATTER!
This week our theme was “Standing Out in The Crowd!” It always amazes me how I choose topics months in advance and by the end of the month I have a new perspective on what they actually means. They force me to grow. They force me to STAND a little taller.
This week has been no different. I’ve learned some hard truths.
- You cannot be a leader afraid to speak up.
- You cannot manifest a life you love sitting in the corner hoping it happens.
- You cannot be the voice you desire allowing fear to overrule you.
- You cannot be consumed when others don’t agree with your viewpoint.
As we close yet another week of fighting two vast and life changing Pandemics, it’s important for you to decide what side will you reside on and more be willing to stand up for what you believe. It’s time to Stand Out in the Crowd and let your voice be heard.
Until Next Time,
