by Coach Tina | Jun 29, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing
This month’s focus has been on self-trust and mine have been tested repeatedly. I’m often told “I don’t know how YOU did it. I want to give up! I can’t take anymore.” If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to give up and a quarter for every time
, I STILL mumble about it being too hard. I would be a rich woman! Just because you see me smiling and pushing forward, does NOT mean I don’t cry myself to sleep at times. It does NOT mean I don’t ask “why me?” It doesn’t mean my circle don’t hear about all the hell I face daily.
I could tell how I am overlooked for jobs that I know I can do. How even though I have met some awesome people on my dating journey, I have also met some that should have been flushed! I could tell you how there are days I feel motivated and confident in who I am and then there are days I rip myself apart because my panties and bra don’t match. I could tell you how I can stick to my health regiment while other days I must throw myself into work, so I don’t go on a binge.
I could also tell you that I’m not ready to give up. I fought too hard to get this far to only get this far. I have more in me, and I will not stop until I have accomplished the goals, I have set for myself. I know what it feels like to give up – it’s time to know what it feels like to keep going. Is it easy? Heck NO! Will it be worth it? I certainly hope so. Will I keep going so I can see? Absolutely! Because no one can stop me but me. It’s my choice when to throw in the towel. Because then and only then will I know I have done all I can do. So, from now on I will stop saying I had a rough day; instead, I will say I had a character-building day.
If you are at one of the many crossroads on your journey; where you feel like you cannot go forward, just remember; there was a time you prayed to get here. There was a time it seemed impossible to do half the things you are doing now. BUT look at you! You are accomplishing those once impossible tasks and you will accomplish the next ones if you keep pushing forward.
It does not matter if must crawl, keep going. It does not matter who says NO – as long as you say YES. It does not matter how long it takes, just know it is on its way. Just know you only fail if you stop! Remember tough days build character!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 31, 2022 | Abuse, Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose, Relationships
I can trust myself to make good decision that propel me to be a better me.
Let me start by saying learning to trust yourself after any type of betrayal is HARD! It always amazes me how we can eventually forgive the person that betrayed us yet find it difficult to trust ourselves enough to make decision that prevent us from entering relationships that potentially can cause the same damage.
I’ve had a few moments where I’ve felt the weight associated with being betrayed. I have moments where I felt I had sacrificed my own happiness and desires for others and was let down when they did not reciprocate the effort. It left me feeling I wasn’t doing enough and tried to do more, instead of realizing it wasn’t that I wasn’t doing enough, it was because the other person couldn’t receive what I was offering or unable to show the appreciation I needed them to show.
There is so much to unpack in that statement alone. We should probably do that at some point. But that is NOT what this blog will address. I found the betrayal of others, caused me to question who I was and challenged me to look at what I was doing. I was certain if I could not “satisfy” someone else with my good intentions, then maybe my “good intentions” weren’t good after all.
It took a long time for me to trust my feelings, my apprehensions, my discernment, to trust myself. I still have moments where I question if my intentions are authentic and healthy. I constantly ask myself if I’m making the right decisions. I often over-analyze the situation. I even talk myself out of some things only to go back to them.
I said all of that to say, I really don’t think a person that has been traumatized every stops second guessing themselves and their intentions. It has become part of our norm. However, it does not have to remain our only norm. We can limit our hesitations by learning one simple rule.
It’s only a mistake, if you don’t learn from it.
I had to learn there is not such thing as a mistake; it’s a mishap. There is NO failure. There’s opportunities. You either complete the task or learn what does not work and start again with a different perception. That simple philosophy has changed my entire life, professionally and personally. I don’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I just has to be MY best. PERIODT! If I am giving everything I have and it’s not enough, that is the problem of the recipient not mine. If I am being authentic in what I say and do and they don’t believe it, that’s their problem. If my good isn’t good enough, they are free to find someone they believe can do it better. When I tell you this statement set me free – it would be an understatement. I no longer question whether it’s enough for them, I make sure it’s enough for me. That I am being true to myself and giving the best that I have to offer. Giving my best has allowed me to learn to trust myself again and push myself into the best version of myself. Unapologetic and authentic. Intentional and determined. Bold and courageous. I finally started giving myself what I was wanting from others. Acceptance!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 25, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, Highlights, purpose
There’s a difference between feeling needed and feeling appreciated.
When a person or system needs you, they have an acceptance for what you bring to the table. They realize you fill a spot they 
don’t want to fill themselves or haven’t found someone else to do it in the manner you do it. BUT when they appreciate what you do, they don’t WANT anyone else to fill that spot. They realize you are the BEST person to do it.
So often we sit at tables where we’ve been needed but not appreciated. It’s time to excuse ourselves.
When my kids were younger, protocol was to ask to be excused from the table. Many times the dinner table was the only time we sat together as a family, shared highlights about our day, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. So to get up and walk away was deemed disrespectful to the moment and those at the table. Regardless if you were finished eating or not you remained in place until given permission to leave.
But now as adults, we no longer need permission to excuse ourselves. We’ve learned when it’s appropriate to step away. When the conversation no longer serves us, or when it begins to offend us, we have free will to remove ourselves. Yet many will remain out of fear that our absence would be offensive or that our presence will be needed. We’ve began to accept being needed instead of being appreciated.
We waited a long time to be invited to the table so we sit as long as possible even though it has served its purpose in our lives. Being invited to the table is an honor. Being accepted as part of the elite is the goal, right? NO! Being appreciated at the table IS THE GOAL!
Build your own table and stop looking for an invite. Not because you’re not needed at the table but because you deserve to feel appreciated at the table! That table could be a job, a relationship or a friendship or systematic norms. When you realize you are a placeholder, simply excuse yourself; exit left unapologetically. You have too much to offer to only be needed!
When you start to realize your worth you start seeing things different. When you value your worth, you stop tolerating less than you deserve. You are no longer a child, you no longer have to ask to be excused. Simply and politely (if warranted) excuse yourself and move on. You are enough. You don’t need the validation of others to create a space where you are appreciated. Show up each day with appreciation for yourself. And soon they will be asking to sit at your table.
by Coach Tina | Apr 18, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose
Yesterday is over and guess what? You are still here!
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It represents new beginnings and springtime. People dress in their fancy clothes. Kids run around high off sugar. For those in the Christian faith, we celebrate a resurrected Christ. And it’s the launch to my birthday celebrations.
However, the last few years I haven’t felt much excitement. Between the pandemic, my mom’s transition, turning 50, kids living their grown life and being single, I’ve really struggled! I slid my mask on in hopes no one noticed but the transparency in me demands honesty. I struggled and it’s been rough. 
Trauma presents as recurring grief that shows up when you don’t want it to and demands attention when you don’t have the energy to give it. The slightest memory can propel you back into a space you thought you had finally climbed out of. It can have you laying in bed with the blinds closed, eating bom-boms for days. It can have you withdrawn or lashing out at people who need your compassion and love. It can have you impulsive and moody. It can take you to a space that makes you sick of you. Which presents its own battle. And I felt ALL of that yesterday!
Yesterday the coach in me was fighting with the little girl in me and leaving me emotionally and physically drained! Part of me demanded the soldier to stand up while the other just wanted to be held and told everything would be okay. The battle between insecurities and empowerment had me questioning myself, my growth and all the hard work I had done. It had me listening to the imposter instead of the cheerleader. It had me feeling isolated instead of triumphant. Girl, I was drained. BUT…
As I sit here assessing the damage from yesterday. Yes I did damage! But that’s a conversation for another day, I’m reminded that it was Easter, an opportunity for a new beginning. I can’t change yesterday. But I CAN make amends for those that got caught in my emotional wrath. I CAN create a plan so I’m able to deal with it better the next time. I CAN learn from it. I CAN choose to create lessons from it. I CAN start over. Read that again – I CAN START OVER! and show myself grace. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.
I share my transparency so when you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, you will have a gentle reminder; Easter is always available! A resurrection is always an option as long as you are willing to get up!
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 19, 2022 | Growth
Aggressive or assertive women are often called “Bossy”! When you speak up for yourself, you can be labeled as mean or even “mad”. But why can’t it be that you have boundaries and standards?
I recently facilitated a class “Are You TOO Bossy?” You can join my app to hear the recording of the class. But here are the highlights.
You can make POWER moves, or you can make BOSS moves! Each has a purpose and intention. It really depends on the outcome you are expecting. Check out these definitions: POWER MOVE-an aggressive action taken to demonstrate power and dominance. BOSS MOVE -an action taken to move you closer to your mission or your goal. There is a BIG difference.
We want to show up as a BOSS in our own life but sometimes we must exert ourselves and let our POWER show up as well. We don’t want to give opportunities or access to people that will misuse the opportunity to be a part of our lives. We get to choose who enters, who stays and who contributes to our lives. Our intention is to make BOSS moves! Making BOSS moves has benefits but there are some disadvantages as well.
Benefits
- Confidence
- Feeling understood
- Earned Respect
- Improved Communication
- Opportunity to create win-win situations
- Create a space for honest communication
- Reduce stress
Disadvantages
- You may appear narcistic or cocky
- You may end up isolated
- You may alienate others
- You may be viewed as rude
One thing for sure when I look at the disadvantages, you notice they ARE appearances! People get to decide how they want to view you and it’s not your business. Making sure you present yourself in a way that helps you become a better version of yourself THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS!
How do you make BOSS moves?
- Use “I” statements – focus on you, your needs, your desires and what makes you feel good
- Practice saying NO – Stop feeling a need to explain yourself all the time! NO is the complete sentence
- Rehearse what you want to say – Don’t overthink! Have confidence in your words
- Give yourself permission – you are responsible for you!
- Know your worth – You are worthy of setting boundaries and having people respect them.
- Start small – make moves that push you out of your comfort zone but don’t push you to a place of no return.
Final thoughts: You are NOT TOO bossy! You probably aren’t bossy enough! You have become accustomed to putting the wants of others above your needs. You have felt uncomfortable standing up for yourself. Somewhere someone told you it’s not lady-like to say NO or to voice your opinion. THESE are lies! You have every right to take protect yourself, advocate for yourself and make your peace your priority.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jan 5, 2022 | Growth
Women are some of the most emotional beings on the planet. We were created like that and we have mastered it!
Men do not dwell on emotions. They feel it and move on. Children feel it and move on. But women, nah, we have to sit in it for a while. We feel the feeling. Then we process the feeling. Then we analyze the feeling (where did this come from) Then we name the feeling. We give blame to the feeling. We share the feeling. We attempt to validate the feeling by telling more people. Until the feeling is all we talk about!
Do you see how much energy has been exhausted because of a feeling? Feelings are fleeting! They come and go. They change with the wind. You can be happy today and sad tomorrow over of a memory or a comment.
Taking time to process your feelings are healthy but allowing them to dictate your entire mood is setting yourself up for mental fatigue. 
Four steps to tame your feelings
1. Stop– what are you feeling? Give it a name. Anger is not enough. Maybe you are feeling unappreciated, overlooked, unheard, tired, lonely, hungry
2. Observe – is that assessment accurate? Were you really overlooked? Did you voice your concern and it was ignored? Or did you assume they should know! Did you have an expectation instead of an intention?
3. Analyze – what part of the situation is in your control. Unappreciated, speak up. Overlooked, speak up. Unheard, speak up. But remember you cannot speak up for yourself, if you don’t know what you want! So….
4. Reset/Readjust – wipe your face. Figure out what you want. Put a plan together to tackle the things that are in your control. Set boundaries for things that are not. And live your life! Move forward! Don’t dwell on things that you cannot do anything about.
Don’t allow the misinformed matters of life to hold you back from accomplishing your goals! You have too many things to do to get caught up in FEELINGS – NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS! Let’s grow 2022! Anything prior was a rehearsal for all the great things you are about to do!
Until Next Time,
, I STILL mumble about it being too hard. I would be a rich woman! Just because you see me smiling and pushing forward, does NOT mean I don’t cry myself to sleep at times. It does NOT mean I don’t ask “why me?” It doesn’t mean my circle don’t hear about all the hell I face daily.
