by Coach Tina | Apr 20, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
Although, 46 was very eventful, scary, foreign, and full of first for me, I can sit here and say I wouldn’t change anything about it!! I grew so much mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My business grew. My self-awareness grew. My network grew. My love grew. Thankfully my pants size did NOT grow (yay for that)!!
But here are some reflections I’d like to share. This year showed me…
- The true definition of strength. For most of my adult life, I compared myself to everyone resulting in me questioning my abilities and my strength. Sadly, I truly lived life afraid I wasn’t strong enough to do certain things. I allowed fear to paralyze me and hinder me from doing the thing I longed to do the most; like, speak in front of a group. Yet, this year I did it more times than I can count. Now, I teach other women to define what strength means to them and how to embrace it.
- I attract what I become. One of the things my ex would constantly tell me was “no one loves you but me”. And I believed it! I was so fearful of him not being a part of my life because I desperately wanted to be loved and I thought he was the only one that would truly love me. This year, I learned I attract what I become, so I became my own lover. I learned to love myself unconditionally and unapologetically. In return, I attracted people that do the same.
- My happiness is a choice I get to make. Happiness is a something I can have or something I sit on the side and watch others enjoy. Well this year I decided I was going to have it!! I was going to have a lot of it. And I would determine what it looks like and not focus on what others say it is. No longer would I look for others to fulfill my “happy tank” I would surround myself with the things in life that constantly made me happy so that my tank would never run low.
- I have really good friends. I’ve learned the true meaning of healthy relationships, setting boundaries and sticking to them! Which also meant I had to admit I had some really unhealthy relationships and no boundaries! This year, I made some hard decisions. I had to let some stuff and some people go but now I have relationships that serve me and not take advantage of me. I have people that I can depend on and people I don’t mind serving.
- Traditions have their place but should never replace an opportunity to grow. This year, I learned I had a lot of traditions that robbed me of happiness, joy and life. I was doing thing not because I wanted to but because it was what I always did. I changed that this year, now I do things that I desire. Things that make me happy. Things that help me grow. Things that I love. No more tradition for the sake of tradition – now it’s all because it I really want to do it.
I’m excited about 47!! I’m excited about what’s to come. But more than anything…. I’m excited that 46 taught me to live today and if tomorrow comes, be happy! I have another opportunity to make yesterday jealous!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 11, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth, More Abundant Series
There is a gazillon (is that even a word) quotes on being successful. Go a head and google it, I’ll wait. (tapping fingers patiently) I was right, wasn’t I? There’s a lot. But here’s the thing, no one ever tells you success starts with a decision to want to be successful.
Seriously, many will say, “I’m going to be successful” – that’s a “thought”. But actually, putting together a plan and executing is when the “decision’ is made.
There will be moments when you want to give up. There will be moments when you feel it’s more work than you want to do. There will be times when you say, “the heck with it, I’m done”!! And those are the moments when you ask yourself “did I make a decision or have a thought”?
A thought will allow you to quit. A thought will let you give up. A thought will run at the first sign of struggle. A thought will cry and throw in the towel.
But a decision…. Oh, it keeps going even when you can’t see anything happening. It keeps going when everyone around you says to quit. A decision pushes through the tears. A decision decides this is what I want and I’m not going to stop until I get it.
A DECISION – now that’s the real secret to success.
Regardless what success looks like to you, when you decide that you really want it, no one can stop you. No one can distract you. No one can deter you. You will do everything in your power to make it happen.
So, I ask, do you want to be successful? Maybe it’s building your business. Getting that promotion. Strengthening your marriage. Developing better friendships. Encouraging your children. Losing weight. Writing the book. Getting out of the abusive relationship. Whatever it is… Whatever you deem success looks like to you. How bad do you want it? Have you decided or are you still thinking?
Write the vision and make it plain…(Habakkuk 2:2)
Here’s the secrets I promised… the steps to being successful
1. Make a plan. You will never get where you are intending to go without a plan. Let’s face it we are creatures of habit and without a plan we do we’ve always done.
2. Execute the plan. Having a plan is not enough. You MUST take the steps you’ve defined in your plan. Get up off the couch and go to the gym. Set aside 30 minutes a day and write in your book. Plan fun activities with your loved ones. Work your plan or it won’t work.
3. Take risk. Anyone who has ever been successful, took risk. You can’t play it safe and be successful. Not only does it broaden your horizons, it makes life fun.
4. Do not settle. You will never accomplish the goals you set for yourself settling. It just won’t happen. If I settled with just writing in my journal, I would have never published my books. If I had settled with tolerating life, I would have never created a life I love.
5. Ask for help. Find a person who is doing what you want to do and ask for help. Most people who are successful don’t mind helping you because they know how much they struggled to get where they are and wished someone would have helped them.
6. Listen to instruction!!! The one thing that would keep someone from helping you (outside of selfishness) is having their time and knowledge wasted. Remember you sought them out because they are where you want to be. So, listen to them. Glean from them. Learn from them.
7. Celebrate often. Don’t wait until the end to celebrate. Find ways to celebrate the small wins because that is what will keep you pushing forward.
You can do this. In fact, you can use the above steps to accomplish anything you want in life. It all begins with a decision.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 7, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
And I heard clearly “I can’t heal what you deny”.
And just like that- the flood gates opened and every emotion I ever felt came tumbling out in the form of tears. My eyes are still swollen this morning (I’ll blame it on the pollen) but my heart is lighter. The weight is lifted. I feel so much better.
I’m so grateful for a God that will allow me to lay my burdens at HIS feet without judgement! A space where I don’t have to be a superwoman or a super-saint. A space where I can just be me.
As a fatherless daughter and an abused wife, it was hard for me to trust ALL of me to God. I was afraid HE would be like every other man in my life and abandon or hurt me. Yet God has shown himself faithful. Loving. Dependable. Unwavering. HE has wrapped me in HIS arms and comforted the scared parts of me even when I didn’t know how to let them go.
Release is good. Crying is good. Acknowledging the hurt is good. That’s where healing begins. God loves his children and is willing to heal the pain. But we MUST give it to HIM.
What do you need to lay at the Father’s feet? What have you denied yet want healed? What are you allowing to weigh you down because you refuse to deal with the emotions behind it? Where have you refused God access? He can’t heal what you deny!!!
Until Next Time,
(more…)
by Coach Tina | Mar 31, 2018 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series, purpose
As I lay here thinking about life, there are things that make me sad but more that make me extremely happy. There was a time I lived in denial and truly believed I had to accept what life offered because some way some how it was all I deserved. I’ve since pushed those thoughts away and called them what they are LIES!
I realize accepting less than you desire is NOT how life works. I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to accept what life offers me. I can decide what is good or bad. What I keep and what I let go of. I decide what makes me happy or sad. But more importantly when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
You see I once allowed people to inform me of how I was supposed to feel. 
My dad died, oh he’s in a better place. You should rejoice.
My money was funny, oh, things will turn around just believe.
My marriage was falling a part oh, hang in there it gets better you ain’t the only one. It’s not that bad. Pray about it.
No, I didn’t feel like rejoicing, I wanted my daddy but hid those emotions all the way through my adult life. I got tired of struggling financially or believing that’s just the way it is. So, I made a plan and began executing it. Used the skills God gave me to make more money and oet out of debt. My marriage that deserves it’s own paragraph.
For someone to mistreat me, is not because I deserve it. It’s they didn’t understood my value. To be lied to was an indication they didn’t know how valuable the truth is to me. To walk away well, they didn’t appreciate the privileges afforded them by being in my life.
I don’t think I’m better than others BUT I, now, know I’m too good to settle for mistreatment and abuse. Lack or barely getting by. Or suppressing my feelings. That is definitely not the life I signed up for and don’t have to make it the life I live.
So as I sit here, tears rolling down my face. It’s no longer from denial, hurt or pain. It’s in the satisfaction that with God’s guidance, I’m finally no longer tolerating life but creating a life I LOVE!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 8, 2018 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth, purpose
About last night…. Isn’t that how they start off when they want to bring drama and excitement to their story? Well, I can honestly say last night was AMAZING!
I spoke at this event called FailFest! It’s an opportunity for people in the nonprofit sector to share some of their most impactful fails and what they learned from them. Speakers shared experiences about hiring the wrong person, conferences that failed because of poor planning, personal values not meeting organizational values, trying to use influence to manipulate others to get what they want and having it backfire, etc.
Well you know me – I had to be extra and talk about personal fails. Like growing up without a father in the house, getting pregnant at 17 and being raped at 18. Then adding my biggest fail of allowing that inner-me to get the best of me and give up on my dreams. I ended my speech by saying ‘even though I had fails, I WAS NOT A FAILURE’. I was feeling pretty good about my extra – ness!
Then this morning when I got up and saw the video and the pictures splattered all over social media, I cringed! I hid like a child waiting to get a whooping! Like OMG!
I thought about all the things I should have done – like pull my shirt down, wear Spanx (I knew I was going to be in front of people), stand up straight (that in itself would have covered some of the flaws), and make more eye contact with the audience. And then the voice of my Toastmaster’s teacher screamed in my ears ‘articulation is 90% of your presentation’ – Oh well my articulation may have been a little off cause I was speed reading! Heck they only gave us 5 minutes and I had a lot to say!
But then the gentle voice inside of me reminded me of the lady that came over afterwards and said, “Thank you for sharing your story – there are so many people that could relate including me!” Or the woman that said, “Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing such a personal story. You were amazing”. Or maybe it was the two organizations that asked me to come speak with their clients (one of which I’ve been trying to connect with for over 2 years). But then there was the one lady with tears in her eyes that said, “Thank you! Because of what you said, I no longer feel like a failure!”
Let me tell you that made all the “fails” of last night simply amazing!
We are so hard on ourselves. Always looking for the things we did wrong instead of the things we did right. We can pull a compliment for someone else out of the air but struggle to find one good thing about ourselves even when everything is “perfect”.
Well about last night… it taught me
- I do have a story to tell and it will change lives!
- To make 95% of what I say come from my heart, everything else will work itself out!
- To be true to who I am and embrace my past – it has made me stronger!
- People really aren’t looking at what I have on if I’m bringing a message they can relate to!
- I may have failed some things in my life but I am not a failure! In fact, I’m pretty awesome!
Here is the video from last night. Hope you enjoy it!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 9, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
Last night during a meeting I heard a quote ** “nothing changes, if nothing changes”. This quote not only sums up the last year of my life but could possibly be the mantra for my life.
Sometimes change requires you to do some thing drastic. Something that scares you a little bit or a whole lot!! Something that challenges everything you’ve ever known. Exactly a year ago today, I decided to make such a change. A change that would not only change life as I knew it but change the entire view of what life was. I remember the day like it was yesterday. In fact, sitting earlier this week, it was hard for me to believe it has been a year. Where did the time go?
On this day a year ago, I jumped. I mean really jumped!! I jumped into an unknown area. An area I’d never experienced before. An area that not only made my heart beat a little faster but made me excited and queasy at the same time. An area I’d wanted for a long time but was too afraid to move into. An area that I knew was necessary but was willing to avoid if possible. An area that would change not only my life but the lives of everyone connected to me. I knew by making this jump, I would not be able to go back or things would be worse than ever before. It took me three years to gather the courage to make this jump.
I prayed. I fasted. I sought help from people I trusted. Yet even though I knew what I had to do, the thought of doing it scared me! I would even say paralyzed me.
Iyanla Vanzant quoted – “if your dreams don’t make you pee on yourself just a little bit, they aren’t big enough”. Big dreams are scary. They require you to dig into a place unknown.
What was my dream? To build a life I loved and to love the life I live. I dreamed of a life full of peace and tranquility. A life where I was loved and not tolerated. A life where I wasn’t afraid to be me. A life where I could laugh and be genuine about it. A life where I was truly happy. A life where my dreams mattered. A life where I slept in peace. A life where I looked forward to waking up because I had something to look forward to. But that life also scared me because I knew it would require me to make changes that I didn’t know how to make.
After three long years, lots of prayer, hours of counseling, repeated signs that the situation was not going to change unless I made a change, I jumped. I moved out of my house into an apartment. I left my comfort zone. I leaped – fear attached but I leaped! I said good-bye to drama, chaos, turmoil and lies. I made a conscious decision to live MY life not the life someone else felt was appropriate for me.
I remember the first night in the apartment, everybody had left and I was laying in my bed looking up at the ceiling. With tears rolling down my face, my heart pounding uncontrollably, feeling confused yet excited, I asked myself “what the hell did you do?”
The next few months were full of queasy stomachaches, rapid heartbeats and lots of praying but today I can say. I have it all!!! I love the life I’m building. It’s full of peace and tranquility. I laugh from a place I didn’t know existed. I am surrounded by people that love me and not just tolerate me. I look forward to each day knowing something great is going to happen. I am no long afraid to live. I actually look forward to living.
It’s been hard for me to celebrate the last 365 days because I felt it would be wrong. I felt it would make the last 30 years of my life a waste. But that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I can celebrate the person I have become, realizing the things I learned over the last 30 years have been a part of the awesomeness that is developing. I can look at the last year and see how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve learned to trust myself. How it’s okay to say “no” when I need to and “yes” when I want to. How taking the time to care for myself has made me a better mother, grandmother, daughter, and friend. How making that original jump has given me courage to continue to make jumps.
So today I celebrate my one-year anniversary. Not with balloons or cake. But with honor and respect for who I am and who I am becoming.
Until Next Time,
**I would love to give credit to the person who originally made this quote but I couldn’t find it on the internet. So, if you know who it was drop it in the comments below.
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
