by Coach Tina | Apr 7, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
And I heard clearly “I can’t heal what you deny”.
And just like that- the flood gates opened and every emotion I ever felt came tumbling out in the form of tears. My eyes are still swollen this morning (I’ll blame it on the pollen) but my heart is lighter. The weight is lifted. I feel so much better.
I’m so grateful for a God that will allow me to lay my burdens at HIS feet without judgement! A space where I don’t have to be a superwoman or a super-saint. A space where I can just be me.
As a fatherless daughter and an abused wife, it was hard for me to trust ALL of me to God. I was afraid HE would be like every other man in my life and abandon or hurt me. Yet God has shown himself faithful. Loving. Dependable. Unwavering. HE has wrapped me in HIS arms and comforted the scared parts of me even when I didn’t know how to let them go.
Release is good. Crying is good. Acknowledging the hurt is good. That’s where healing begins. God loves his children and is willing to heal the pain. But we MUST give it to HIM.
What do you need to lay at the Father’s feet? What have you denied yet want healed? What are you allowing to weigh you down because you refuse to deal with the emotions behind it? Where have you refused God access? He can’t heal what you deny!!!
Until Next Time,
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by Coach Tina | Mar 31, 2018 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series, purpose
As I lay here thinking about life, there are things that make me sad but more that make me extremely happy. There was a time I lived in denial and truly believed I had to accept what life offered because some way some how it was all I deserved. I’ve since pushed those thoughts away and called them what they are LIES!
I realize accepting less than you desire is NOT how life works. I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to accept what life offers me. I can decide what is good or bad. What I keep and what I let go of. I decide what makes me happy or sad. But more importantly when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
You see I once allowed people to inform me of how I was supposed to feel. 
My dad died, oh he’s in a better place. You should rejoice.
My money was funny, oh, things will turn around just believe.
My marriage was falling a part oh, hang in there it gets better you ain’t the only one. It’s not that bad. Pray about it.
No, I didn’t feel like rejoicing, I wanted my daddy but hid those emotions all the way through my adult life. I got tired of struggling financially or believing that’s just the way it is. So, I made a plan and began executing it. Used the skills God gave me to make more money and oet out of debt. My marriage that deserves it’s own paragraph.
For someone to mistreat me, is not because I deserve it. It’s they didn’t understood my value. To be lied to was an indication they didn’t know how valuable the truth is to me. To walk away well, they didn’t appreciate the privileges afforded them by being in my life.
I don’t think I’m better than others BUT I, now, know I’m too good to settle for mistreatment and abuse. Lack or barely getting by. Or suppressing my feelings. That is definitely not the life I signed up for and don’t have to make it the life I live.
So as I sit here, tears rolling down my face. It’s no longer from denial, hurt or pain. It’s in the satisfaction that with God’s guidance, I’m finally no longer tolerating life but creating a life I LOVE!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 8, 2018 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth, purpose
About last night…. Isn’t that how they start off when they want to bring drama and excitement to their story? Well, I can honestly say last night was AMAZING!
I spoke at this event called FailFest! It’s an opportunity for people in the nonprofit sector to share some of their most impactful fails and what they learned from them. Speakers shared experiences about hiring the wrong person, conferences that failed because of poor planning, personal values not meeting organizational values, trying to use influence to manipulate others to get what they want and having it backfire, etc.
Well you know me – I had to be extra and talk about personal fails. Like growing up without a father in the house, getting pregnant at 17 and being raped at 18. Then adding my biggest fail of allowing that inner-me to get the best of me and give up on my dreams. I ended my speech by saying ‘even though I had fails, I WAS NOT A FAILURE’. I was feeling pretty good about my extra – ness!
Then this morning when I got up and saw the video and the pictures splattered all over social media, I cringed! I hid like a child waiting to get a whooping! Like OMG!
I thought about all the things I should have done – like pull my shirt down, wear Spanx (I knew I was going to be in front of people), stand up straight (that in itself would have covered some of the flaws), and make more eye contact with the audience. And then the voice of my Toastmaster’s teacher screamed in my ears ‘articulation is 90% of your presentation’ – Oh well my articulation may have been a little off cause I was speed reading! Heck they only gave us 5 minutes and I had a lot to say!
But then the gentle voice inside of me reminded me of the lady that came over afterwards and said, “Thank you for sharing your story – there are so many people that could relate including me!” Or the woman that said, “Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing such a personal story. You were amazing”. Or maybe it was the two organizations that asked me to come speak with their clients (one of which I’ve been trying to connect with for over 2 years). But then there was the one lady with tears in her eyes that said, “Thank you! Because of what you said, I no longer feel like a failure!”
Let me tell you that made all the “fails” of last night simply amazing!
We are so hard on ourselves. Always looking for the things we did wrong instead of the things we did right. We can pull a compliment for someone else out of the air but struggle to find one good thing about ourselves even when everything is “perfect”.
Well about last night… it taught me
- I do have a story to tell and it will change lives!
- To make 95% of what I say come from my heart, everything else will work itself out!
- To be true to who I am and embrace my past – it has made me stronger!
- People really aren’t looking at what I have on if I’m bringing a message they can relate to!
- I may have failed some things in my life but I am not a failure! In fact, I’m pretty awesome!
Here is the video from last night. Hope you enjoy it!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 9, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
Last night during a meeting I heard a quote ** “nothing changes, if nothing changes”. This quote not only sums up the last year of my life but could possibly be the mantra for my life.
Sometimes change requires you to do some thing drastic. Something that scares you a little bit or a whole lot!! Something that challenges everything you’ve ever known. Exactly a year ago today, I decided to make such a change. A change that would not only change life as I knew it but change the entire view of what life was. I remember the day like it was yesterday. In fact, sitting earlier this week, it was hard for me to believe it has been a year. Where did the time go?
On this day a year ago, I jumped. I mean really jumped!! I jumped into an unknown area. An area I’d never experienced before. An area that not only made my heart beat a little faster but made me excited and queasy at the same time. An area I’d wanted for a long time but was too afraid to move into. An area that I knew was necessary but was willing to avoid if possible. An area that would change not only my life but the lives of everyone connected to me. I knew by making this jump, I would not be able to go back or things would be worse than ever before. It took me three years to gather the courage to make this jump.
I prayed. I fasted. I sought help from people I trusted. Yet even though I knew what I had to do, the thought of doing it scared me! I would even say paralyzed me.
Iyanla Vanzant quoted – “if your dreams don’t make you pee on yourself just a little bit, they aren’t big enough”. Big dreams are scary. They require you to dig into a place unknown.
What was my dream? To build a life I loved and to love the life I live. I dreamed of a life full of peace and tranquility. A life where I was loved and not tolerated. A life where I wasn’t afraid to be me. A life where I could laugh and be genuine about it. A life where I was truly happy. A life where my dreams mattered. A life where I slept in peace. A life where I looked forward to waking up because I had something to look forward to. But that life also scared me because I knew it would require me to make changes that I didn’t know how to make.
After three long years, lots of prayer, hours of counseling, repeated signs that the situation was not going to change unless I made a change, I jumped. I moved out of my house into an apartment. I left my comfort zone. I leaped – fear attached but I leaped! I said good-bye to drama, chaos, turmoil and lies. I made a conscious decision to live MY life not the life someone else felt was appropriate for me.
I remember the first night in the apartment, everybody had left and I was laying in my bed looking up at the ceiling. With tears rolling down my face, my heart pounding uncontrollably, feeling confused yet excited, I asked myself “what the hell did you do?”
The next few months were full of queasy stomachaches, rapid heartbeats and lots of praying but today I can say. I have it all!!! I love the life I’m building. It’s full of peace and tranquility. I laugh from a place I didn’t know existed. I am surrounded by people that love me and not just tolerate me. I look forward to each day knowing something great is going to happen. I am no long afraid to live. I actually look forward to living.
It’s been hard for me to celebrate the last 365 days because I felt it would be wrong. I felt it would make the last 30 years of my life a waste. But that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I can celebrate the person I have become, realizing the things I learned over the last 30 years have been a part of the awesomeness that is developing. I can look at the last year and see how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve learned to trust myself. How it’s okay to say “no” when I need to and “yes” when I want to. How taking the time to care for myself has made me a better mother, grandmother, daughter, and friend. How making that original jump has given me courage to continue to make jumps.
So today I celebrate my one-year anniversary. Not with balloons or cake. But with honor and respect for who I am and who I am becoming.
Until Next Time,
**I would love to give credit to the person who originally made this quote but I couldn’t find it on the internet. So, if you know who it was drop it in the comments below.
by Coach Tina | Dec 1, 2017 | Encouragement, Growth
December is here! Can you tell I’m excited?
December is one of my favorite months of the year! Maybe because it’s the month we celebrate Christmas (my favorite holiday). Maybe it’s because of all the lights and sparkles. Maybe it’s because people tend to be nicer this time of year (hoping St. Nick would drop off something nice) Maybe it’s because I get to spend a little more money without feeling guilty. Maybe it’s because I get a chance to sip on my favorite cappuccino while listening to Christmas songs. I’m not sure what it is but I love December!
Well this year, I’m excited and a little scared because December will forever mark an even bigger significance in my life. It’s the beginning of a new beginning. It’s the start of a new chapter. It’s an opportunity for me to do something I’ve never done before. It’s a chance for me to explore an area of life I’ve never explored. It’s a chance for me to redefine ME!
After 30 years of marriage, a lot of ups and downs, a lot of smiles and tears, I am a single woman (it feels funny typing that)! I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. It’s still fairly new (it’s only been 14 days since I signed the paperwork). I’m sure there will be blogs were I’m excited, happy, pissed off, and downright angry and I intend to embrace each of those feelings and grow from them.
I must admit at first, I was in shock! I couldn’t believe it actually happened. I mean I had been with the same man for over 30 years and in a matter of 6 minutes (yes 6 minutes) it was over. The day of the hearing I was devastated! I left the courthouse and couldn’t remember where I parked my car. Imagine me walking around downtown looking for my car!! For the first time since the separation I felt tears roll down my face (I want to think it was because I couldn’t find my car). I couldn’t understand why I was crying now. Shouldn’t I be happy? Shouldn’t I be celebrating?
Well it wasn’t a time of celebration for me. I went through all the emotions: guilt, fear, anger, pity. Then I was in disbelief and shock. This had to be a bad dream and we were going to wake up, my kids would be young again, my marriage would be full of love and sparkle and everyone would be in their proper place. Well I woke up and everyone was in their proper place!!
I took a deep breath and released all the self-doubt, all the mental anguish, all the hurt and pain. I released all the anger that I felt over the infidelity and abuse. I released the desire of trying to change someone into what I wanted them to be instead of allowing them to be who they wanted to be. I released my hope of making it right. I released my desire to hide the inevitable. Basically, I released.
So, help me say goodbye to November and welcome in December with all its thrills and excitement. Let it bring happiness and freshness. Laughter and joy. Hope and tranquility. Peace and a whole lot of love.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 19, 2017 | Encouragement
My life is NOT perfect, far, far from it! But God has brought me through so much that I trust him with my life!
• Do I get scared sometimes? Heck yeah! But my fears come from wanting to please God and making sure my intentions are right.
• Do I ever feel like giving up? Yeap! And have! I remember telling God, “I’m not doing this anymore I quit!” I found myself sitting in front of my computer crying as He poured into me
• Do I ask “why me?” Not anymore LOL Oddly enough I’ve learned to trust it must be a purpose for it.
• Do I wish there could have been another way? YES I do! I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone!
• Was there warning signs? Yes! God showed me time after time and I was determined to have things my way. Well I learned you can’t say yes to God and do it your way.
• Do I cry at night? Sometimes! Big crocodile tears but God comforts me!
• Did I fail? Nope! I’m who I am because of it. I comfortably feel I gave everything I had to give.
• Would I do it again? HECK NO! I have learned my lesson and don’t have to take that test again.
• Would I change anything? Yes! I would have listened the first time!
• Do I blame myself? NO – I don’t blame anyone! Everything happens for a reason.
Best advice I would give: Stop looking for life to provide you the perfect environment. It’s not going to happen. But what you will find is as you walk on those difficult roads, your purpose will be revealed. It’s in those moments where you feel all alone that you can hear God the clearest (there’s no distractions). There is no perfection on this earth! Once you accept that, you will learn to embrace life and all that happens as you grow! You pick up the pieces that matter and move forward. Read all about it here (well sort of).
Until Next Time,
