by Coach Tina | Apr 29, 2021 | Healing
Today marks 6 months since my mother gained wings. Saying “I miss her” is an understatement. I think of her every day, every moment of the day. Some days I smile thinking about some smart comment she would have made. Some days I think about how beautiful she was in the last dream I had of her and it reminds me she is NO longer battling with chronic pain or her own sadness. She had started talking about how much she missed her loved ones, so in my heart I knew it would not be long, but I just wasn’t ready. Then there are those days where I am mad as hell. I want to yell. I want to scream. I want to just lay in my bed, pull the covers over my head and cry because the pain penetrates so deeply. Some days I feel I cannot breathe because I miss her so much. I find myself constantly bouncing between anger and sadness then guilt and sorrow.
I find myself waddling in self-pity; asking questions like: Did I do enough? Did she know how much I loved her? Should I have made her come live with me? Would she still be alive if I had of done something different? I think about the times I could not talk to her because of some business meeting. Or the days I would get frustrated because she would call me three times to tell me the same thing. God how I wish I could get one of those random calls. I wish she could tell me how Big Grand, Aunt Betty, Jesse and my Dad are doing and more that she could tell me “she’s okay!” I wish I could just have one more day with her. This pain hurts!!! It is just unfair. No one should have to bury their Mom. And no one should have to bury their child. Death sucks!
As soon as I typed that, the thought came to mind “we are born to die”. Death is a part of life. We are not created to stay here forever. God created us to fulfill an assignment and once that assignment is complete, we are called back home to sit with Him and admire the work. I like to imagine my mom sitting with my Dad saying, “look at our baby girl!” I truly hope I am making them proud.
THE BRICK
Life is not always fair. Things happen that cannot always be explained. Somehow, they always seem to happen at the “wrong” time. But when we look back, we realize they happened at the best time. God knew when we could handle it. He knew it had to happen when it did. Only He knows what’s necessary for the next growth experience of our lives.
I look at it like jumping hurdles. We NEVER start off jumping high hurdles. We must build confidence and stamina. We must learn to trust ourselves and our coach. We must get over the fear of falling or failing. Such is life – it’s a big obstacle course filled with hurdles! The difference is most of the hurdles seem to appear out of nowhere. But if you look back you can see they were strategically placed and each one made you stronger than the one before. God knew my first loss could not have been my mom! I may not have been able to deal with that kind of pain. He also knows that whatever comes next, I will be able to get through it because of what I’m learning now.
The storm you are experiencing right now, is not designed to break you. It is designed to build you. To help you build strength. To teach you to trust in yourself and in the process. You will get through this and YOU WILL be better because of it. Okay, you knocked down the hurdle meaning you laid in bed crying or eating a pint of ice cream but you are still here! Girl, get up, dust yourself off. Take a few steps back, look forward, gain momentum, run and JUMP! You can do this! I believe in you. LET’S GO!
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 22, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing
Rejection scared me! I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be loved. In my eyes, rejection equaled failure! That was until I read the quote “Rejection is God’s protection”. It changed my whole life. I no longer saw rejection as a bad thing but more as direction and guidance!
I always thought being rejected was punishment. I thought if I was not accepted, there was something wrong with me. I felt I had not done enough; I had not been enough. What I wanted did not matter. That what they wanted, was more important. That I needed to change how I did things. That I had to change who I was. That I had to be what they wanted me to be. BUT this quote reminded me that God loves me enough to not allow me to have less than I deserved! I hope you catch that!
When you view it from a point of protection and guidance, you realize that what you wanted was less than you deserve. So often we are asking for things that are below what we can have. We are settling. We are living below the standard. Often, we don’t see the potential of what could be or what we could have.
Rejection cannot be taken personal. It will drive you crazy. Ask me how I know!
The thing that seemed to have rejected you was not enough for you. It was NOT what you needed in this season or in the season you are walking into. It may have catered to the person you were then, but it would have never challenged you to become the person you are today.
It’s hard to see rejection as direction or guidance, when we are in the midst of it. But when you begin to change your mindset surrounding NO, you will see it opens the doors for such bigger opportunities and allows you to look at it from a different lens.
I don’t want to come off as someone who does not struggle with being told NO! Girl, it is the last thing I want you to think about me. I HATE BEING TOLD NO! Although I don’t see it as a personal attack anymore, I still see it as someone told me NO. And that little 6-year-old inside of me does not like to be told NO. She is extremely spoiled. But I gently reminder her that we will try again.
BRICK: NO means Next Opportunity! NO means there is something better waiting. NO means I can have better. NO means I haven’t finished growing and what I’m asking for is not going to help me achieve the growth I desire. NO is Never the end!
Apply it: Take a moment and think about something you really wanted but did not get. Now imagine if you had it, what would be different about you? Would you be the person you are now? Would you have been settling? Did you grow from being told NO?
Were the emotions you felt due to the rejection or the thoughts of not getting what you wanted? Most of the time we are more moved by the NO, than not getting what we asked for!
You apply for a job. You do minimal preparation for the interview. The job is NOT your ideal job. It’s NOT the job you want but it will pay your bills, provide you with a sense of accomplishment, and advance your career. It will do for now! Then comes the blow! You get the dreaded “Thank you for applying. We have decided to go with another candidate”. Immediately you feel the sting of rejection. NOT because you really wanted the job, but because you did not get it! Had you got that job, you would have stopped looking for your ideal job. You would have stopped working on your resume. You would have stopped working on your personal development. You would have stopped trying. You would have settled and made yourself content!
Rejections could be the best thing that ever happens to you! Remember mindset is everything! What about this Brick resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear about it
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 1, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Forgiveness, Healing
I don’t know about you, but I haven’t always been very loving or kind to myself – who am I fooling? There are times I’m still NOT very kind to myself!
When I find myself being nit-picky over everything I do or say, I have to stop and re-adjust my crown. Because if I don’t see myself as a QUEEN, no on else will. If I don’t love myself unconditionally, no one else will. If I can’t show myself grace, no one else will.
However, let me be very transparent; I hate to even write this. Because once you write something, it’s available for the entire world to see. But my judgmental attitude towards myself cause me to be judgmental towards others! YUP! IT DID! Tell the truth shame the devil. When I was in the height of my food addiction, I turned my nose up on those that couldn’t understand that I didn’t want to weigh over 300 pounds or couldn’t understand it was an addiction. When I was hiding the flaws of my marriage, I judged those that didn’t want to hear me complain about it or understand why I didn’t just leave. When I was disgusted by my lack of self-esteem, I called my confident sisters cocky and bougie. When I doubted my ability as a coach, I got mad at those who were further along but didn’t want to share their secrets to success. UMM, the audacity!
Everybody talks about self-love. How important it is and why we must show ourselves love. But they never tell us what it is or how to do it. I don’t mean those blogs where they tell you to take yourself on a date, buy yourself flowers, etc. I mean what the heck is self-love. How does it show up? How do I stop hating myself when that’s all I’ve ever done? How do I show up for myself when no one else ever has? How do I let go of the crave associated with how I currently see myself? YES, you can crave toxicity! We can talk about that later! Enough of the bubble baths and flowers – let’s get real!
What is self-love? One of my favorite definitions is: Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Let’s break that down. Having a high regard – making it a priority. For my OWN – not comparing to others. Well-being – making sure I’m okay. Happiness – not looking for someone else to validate and affirm me. Self-love does NOT mean you are self-centered or narcistic or that you have the grandiose ego! It simply means you are willing to make your happiness and well-being a priority in your life.
But if you’ve never been given permission to do that, it can be difficult. Well, I’m giving you permission! I’m saying it’s okay for you to make yourself a priority. I’m saying it’s okay to be happy. I’m saying it’s okay to protect yourself. I’m saying it’s okay to love yourself. I’m saying it’s okay to make sure you are well. I’m saying it’s okay to say YES to yourself.
Maybe you don’t need permission. Maybe you do a good job showing yourself love. Can I ask you a question? Why are you playing small? Why are you settling for a job you hate? Why are you in a relationship that does not serve you? Why are you making excuses for going after that promotion? Why did you pass on the dress you loved because your friend didn’t like it? Why are you comparing yourself to others? Why are you doubting your abilities? Why haven’t you signed up to take that class? Why are you limiting yourself to your comfort zone? OKAY I know that was more than A QUESTION! But you get the point.
The lack of self-love does not always show up as hateful words. It can show up as subtle biases or comparisons, negative thoughts or unappreciation for the person you see in the mirror. It can show up in limiting beliefs or allowing imposter syndrome to keep you from moving forward. It shows us in judging your sisters. It shows up using religion as the standard in which to live. Pause – God loves you as you are. He does not measure you by your abilities or lack thereof but by your love for Him and desire to make Him Lord of your life.
Survivors of trauma often battle showing love, receiving love, and knowing what love is. So why are you being so hard on yourself for not knowing? It’s a process. It takes time to learn to love yourself after you have been taught you aren’t enough. Give yourself grace. Get up. Straighten your crown. Hit the reset button. And try again. When stumble, get up and do all it all over again as many times as you have to That, my friend, is self-love!
Until Next Time,
