by Coach Tina | May 11, 2018 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth
Mothers make sacrifices that often go unnoticed and unappreciated. They sacrifice their body, their mind, their emotions, their entire life to nurture another human. And most mothers would do it all over again without regret.
As we prepare for the Mother’s Day weekend, I am reminded of how my little ones would gather in my bed with their Mother’s Day gifts. Maybe it was a homemade tea bag card that read “You’re tea-riffic” or a little clay statue that I couldn’t quite make out until I got the nerve to just ask what it was, or the flower they picked off the bush in the front yard because they left their gift at school on Friday. Whatever it was, it was appreciated because it came from my kids. Oh, the days!!!
As they grew older they began to understand the concept of Mother’s Day and would take over my kitchen and prepare dinner giving me a day off – thank God for their father’s willingness to participant and provide guidance.
Now that my kids are young adults, they call me from their own homes and it’s a little later in the morning. They actually put some thought into the cards they purchase from the store and attach them to gifts off my wish list instead of just randomly buying stuff I’ll never use. They ask if I’d like them to cook or go out to dinner. They understand that I have wants and try to accommodate them. The benefits of having grown thoughtful kids!!!
But this year the shift of having a house full of kids to becoming an empty nester has been quite a challenge. I find myself longing for the days of them gathering in my bed or the little cheesy cards. I’m not so much missing the disfigured clay structure or the withered flowers, but to be able to lay in the bed as someone else took over the responsibilities for the day seems very enjoyable. I imagine sipping on a cup tea while watching the sun rise out of the ocean as my kids sleep in a room nearby. Now that would be real nice. Note to self: Make reservations to spend Mother’s Day at the beach next year!!
When the kids are younger we tend to take it all for granted. Time goes fast and before we know it they have a life of their own, making their own memories. However, if you’ve done the job right, the sacrifices you’ve made will be rewarded not by what they do for you on Mother’s Day but what they do through the year. It took me a long time to see that when my kids prosper, it is a direct indication that I’ve raised them correctly. I mean when they have money they can buy better gifts, right!!
So, to all the mothers out there feeling some kinda way about Mother’s Day and your grown children, take a moment and ask yourself what do you need? What can you do for yourself to make you feel appreciated? What can you do to show appreciation for the sacrifices you’ve made? And then do it!! I’ve already decided GIVE ME A SUNRISE!!!
You do not need permission to treat yourself kind. Have a glass of wine or a cup of tea and enjoy. Knowing you are an awesome MOTHER and amazing WOMAN! You don’t need a holiday to prove it.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 20, 2018 | Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
For the last few years, I’ve developed a tradition where a couple days before my birthday, I sit with a cup of tea or a glass of wine; depending on how I’m feeling and reflect on what transpired over the last 365 days. My birthday has become my personal New Year Celebration! I take a moment and look at what was good, what was not so good, what I could have done better, what I did really good, what worked and what did not work and then I make adjustments to make sure I continue “to create a life I love instead of just tolerating life”.
Although, 46 was very eventful, scary, foreign, and full of first for me, I can sit here and say I wouldn’t change anything about it!! I grew so much mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My business grew. My self-awareness grew. My network grew. My love grew. Thankfully my pants size did NOT grow (yay for that)!!
But here are some reflections I’d like to share. This year showed me…
- The true definition of strength. For most of my adult life, I compared myself to everyone resulting in me questioning my abilities and my strength. Sadly, I truly lived life afraid I wasn’t strong enough to do certain things. I allowed fear to paralyze me and hinder me from doing the thing I longed to do the most; like, speak in front of a group. Yet, this year I did it more times than I can count. Now, I teach other women to define what strength means to them and how to embrace it.
- I attract what I become. One of the things my ex would constantly tell me was “no one loves you but me”. And I believed it! I was so fearful of him not being a part of my life because I desperately wanted to be loved and I thought he was the only one that would truly love me. This year, I learned I attract what I become, so I became my own lover. I learned to love myself unconditionally and unapologetically. In return, I attracted people that do the same.
- My happiness is a choice I get to make. Happiness is a something I can have or something I sit on the side and watch others enjoy. Well this year I decided I was going to have it!! I was going to have a lot of it. And I would determine what it looks like and not focus on what others say it is. No longer would I look for others to fulfill my “happy tank” I would surround myself with the things in life that constantly made me happy so that my tank would never run low.
- I have really good friends. I’ve learned the true meaning of healthy relationships, setting boundaries and sticking to them! Which also meant I had to admit I had some really unhealthy relationships and no boundaries! This year, I made some hard decisions. I had to let some stuff and some people go but now I have relationships that serve me and not take advantage of me. I have people that I can depend on and people I don’t mind serving.
- Traditions have their place but should never replace an opportunity to grow. This year, I learned I had a lot of traditions that robbed me of happiness, joy and life. I was doing thing not because I wanted to but because it was what I always did. I changed that this year, now I do things that I desire. Things that make me happy. Things that help me grow. Things that I love. No more tradition for the sake of tradition – now it’s all because it I really want to do it.
I’m excited about 47!! I’m excited about what’s to come. But more than anything…. I’m excited that 46 taught me to live today and if tomorrow comes, be happy! I have another opportunity to make yesterday jealous!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 7, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
And I heard clearly “I can’t heal what you deny”.
And just like that- the flood gates opened and every emotion I ever felt came tumbling out in the form of tears. My eyes are still swollen this morning (I’ll blame it on the pollen) but my heart is lighter. The weight is lifted. I feel so much better.
I’m so grateful for a God that will allow me to lay my burdens at HIS feet without judgement! A space where I don’t have to be a superwoman or a super-saint. A space where I can just be me.
As a fatherless daughter and an abused wife, it was hard for me to trust ALL of me to God. I was afraid HE would be like every other man in my life and abandon or hurt me. Yet God has shown himself faithful. Loving. Dependable. Unwavering. HE has wrapped me in HIS arms and comforted the scared parts of me even when I didn’t know how to let them go.
Release is good. Crying is good. Acknowledging the hurt is good. That’s where healing begins. God loves his children and is willing to heal the pain. But we MUST give it to HIM.
What do you need to lay at the Father’s feet? What have you denied yet want healed? What are you allowing to weigh you down because you refuse to deal with the emotions behind it? Where have you refused God access? He can’t heal what you deny!!!
Until Next Time,
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by Coach Tina | Mar 31, 2018 | Abuse, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series, purpose
As I lay here thinking about life, there are things that make me sad but more that make me extremely happy. There was a time I lived in denial and truly believed I had to accept what life offered because some way some how it was all I deserved. I’ve since pushed those thoughts away and called them what they are LIES!
I realize accepting less than you desire is NOT how life works. I don’t have to settle. I don’t have to accept what life offers me. I can decide what is good or bad. What I keep and what I let go of. I decide what makes me happy or sad. But more importantly when I’m happy and when I’m sad.
You see I once allowed people to inform me of how I was supposed to feel. 
My dad died, oh he’s in a better place. You should rejoice.
My money was funny, oh, things will turn around just believe.
My marriage was falling a part oh, hang in there it gets better you ain’t the only one. It’s not that bad. Pray about it.
No, I didn’t feel like rejoicing, I wanted my daddy but hid those emotions all the way through my adult life. I got tired of struggling financially or believing that’s just the way it is. So, I made a plan and began executing it. Used the skills God gave me to make more money and oet out of debt. My marriage that deserves it’s own paragraph.
For someone to mistreat me, is not because I deserve it. It’s they didn’t understood my value. To be lied to was an indication they didn’t know how valuable the truth is to me. To walk away well, they didn’t appreciate the privileges afforded them by being in my life.
I don’t think I’m better than others BUT I, now, know I’m too good to settle for mistreatment and abuse. Lack or barely getting by. Or suppressing my feelings. That is definitely not the life I signed up for and don’t have to make it the life I live.
So as I sit here, tears rolling down my face. It’s no longer from denial, hurt or pain. It’s in the satisfaction that with God’s guidance, I’m finally no longer tolerating life but creating a life I LOVE!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 8, 2018 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth, purpose
About last night…. Isn’t that how they start off when they want to bring drama and excitement to their story? Well, I can honestly say last night was AMAZING!
I spoke at this event called FailFest! It’s an opportunity for people in the nonprofit sector to share some of their most impactful fails and what they learned from them. Speakers shared experiences about hiring the wrong person, conferences that failed because of poor planning, personal values not meeting organizational values, trying to use influence to manipulate others to get what they want and having it backfire, etc.
Well you know me – I had to be extra and talk about personal fails. Like growing up without a father in the house, getting pregnant at 17 and being raped at 18. Then adding my biggest fail of allowing that inner-me to get the best of me and give up on my dreams. I ended my speech by saying ‘even though I had fails, I WAS NOT A FAILURE’. I was feeling pretty good about my extra – ness!
Then this morning when I got up and saw the video and the pictures splattered all over social media, I cringed! I hid like a child waiting to get a whooping! Like OMG!
I thought about all the things I should have done – like pull my shirt down, wear Spanx (I knew I was going to be in front of people), stand up straight (that in itself would have covered some of the flaws), and make more eye contact with the audience. And then the voice of my Toastmaster’s teacher screamed in my ears ‘articulation is 90% of your presentation’ – Oh well my articulation may have been a little off cause I was speed reading! Heck they only gave us 5 minutes and I had a lot to say!
But then the gentle voice inside of me reminded me of the lady that came over afterwards and said, “Thank you for sharing your story – there are so many people that could relate including me!” Or the woman that said, “Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing such a personal story. You were amazing”. Or maybe it was the two organizations that asked me to come speak with their clients (one of which I’ve been trying to connect with for over 2 years). But then there was the one lady with tears in her eyes that said, “Thank you! Because of what you said, I no longer feel like a failure!”
Let me tell you that made all the “fails” of last night simply amazing!
We are so hard on ourselves. Always looking for the things we did wrong instead of the things we did right. We can pull a compliment for someone else out of the air but struggle to find one good thing about ourselves even when everything is “perfect”.
Well about last night… it taught me
- I do have a story to tell and it will change lives!
- To make 95% of what I say come from my heart, everything else will work itself out!
- To be true to who I am and embrace my past – it has made me stronger!
- People really aren’t looking at what I have on if I’m bringing a message they can relate to!
- I may have failed some things in my life but I am not a failure! In fact, I’m pretty awesome!
Here is the video from last night. Hope you enjoy it!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Nov 20, 2017 | Focus, Gratitude, Growth
Most people get excited around the holidays. The time with family, shopping, eating, music, festivities, parties. You name it they like it ALL! But not everyone! For many the holiday seasons bring up memories of heartbreak, disappointment and loss. If you are reading this blog, it’s probably because you lay somewhere between hating the holidays or looking for strategies that will help you tolerate them.
Maybe the holidays remind you of a lost loved one or a relationship gone bad. Maybe it’s a reminder of the financial burden that’s imposed behind trying to live outside of your means. Well let’s make this year different. Let’s focus on what we have to be thankful for. Let’s focus on the things that made us smile this year instead of the things that made us cry.
This year I’m excited to be healthy both physically and mentally. My young adults are doing well and living life in harmony with me and each other. I have a job that I love and a business that is thriving. My 2nd book has been published and is doing extremely well. I’ve replaced the toxic relationships in my life with those that nurture and serve me. Life is turning around and for the first time in few years, I’m excited about where I’m headed.
See what I mean! You can do the same. Find the things to be thankful for. Don’t get caught up in what was wrong. There are so many things you can be thankful for!
But how do you deal with those family functions that can strip holiday cheer from Ole St. Nick himself. Or the family dinners that make being in the room with the Grinch a welcome excursion. The holidays are moments to celebration NOT punishment!
Here are four (4) tips that could make it a little easier:
1. Have Intentions not Expectations. Most disappointments are the result of setting expectations that are out of your control. But setting an intention allows you to create the environment you desire. Expectation says Aunt Martha is going to come to the family dinner and complain about all her physical ailments. Uncle Joe is going to get drunk and curse everyone out. The newlyweds are going to trigger the thoughts that you are spending this holiday alone again. Intention say as each person arrives have them write down two things they are grateful for and place them in a cup by the front door. If the dinner starts going south, pull out the jar and read the things you as a family have to be grateful for. Because as a family, what affects one affects ALL.
2. Set Boundaries. If being around Aunt Martha’s complaining and Uncle Joe’s intoxication is offensive, channel the discussions and eliminate the alcohol this year. It’s your party you can do what you want to! If you know sitting directly across from the newlyweds will cause you issues. Arrange to be in a seat that prevents them from being in your direct point of view. When Cousin Betty starts the conversation of how great your ex is doing. Kindly let her know you don’t want to discuss him and change the subject to something uplifting. Control conversations that are directed to you. Set boundaries of things that are a trigger to you. Remember your priority is to get through these holidays intentionally and with your sanity.
3. Be Present. Many of our issues surrounding the holidays come from “remembering when” or “wondering what if”. This year stay in the moment. You cannot enjoy the wonderful meal you’ve prepared this year wondering when your mother-in-law is going to bring up the turkey you burned three years ago. You are setting yourself up for failure looking at what was. And if she is so petty as to bring it up, laugh and say “I’ve come a long way. Isn’t the turkey this year divine!!”
4. Have an Exit Plan. Sometimes regardless how much intention you have, the toxicity of family can take a toll on you. Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t torture yourself by sitting through all the negativity. This holiday is about giving thanks and if you have to remove yourself from the negative energy – DO SO! If you know your tolerance for certain family members come to an end after about 2 hours, plan to have a friend call your phone. Then kindly excuse yourself letting the family know you have other plans. If you are not able to leave (because well you are hosting the event) create a place in your house you can retreat to for a few minutes to rejuvenate. Maybe have a stress candle in the upstairs bathroom burning and excuse yourself for a moment. (I plan to have them burning all over my house – just in case!) An associate of mine elected to create an affirmation board that would remind her to stay calm. This allows her a place to retreat should things become more than she could bear.
Don’t become bitter make your life better. Remember the holidays are about celebrating your accomplishments for the year. Don’t sabotage all your hard work trying to impress people you’ve worked hard all year to heal from.
Until Next Time,
Mothers make sacrifices that often go unnoticed and unappreciated. They sacrifice their body, their mind, their emotions, their entire life to nurture another human. And most mothers would do it all over again without regret. 
