by Coach Tina | Aug 9, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
I’ve always been a “fix-it” type person. So it’s not surprising that I would be in a business where my objective is to help people become the best version of themselves by living their purpose and releasing the strongholds of hurt and pain – you know “fixing stuff”.
It also is no surprise, for years I struggled with my own identity and purpose and still at times struggle with hurt and pain from my past. But I’ve learned to trust God’s plan and realize that He knows what’s best for me. Do that mean I don’t have questions? Far from it!! I have a lot of questions and I ask them. I don’t always like the answers but I ask the question and seek the answer.
You see I find it simple, even fun, to develop a plan of execution for others but don’t always follow the plan for myself. Maybe I’m too close to the situation or “know” too much about it to allow the required changes to take place. Or maybe it’s just stubbornness that keeps me wanting to return to the comfort of familiarity. Or my desire to control the situation in spite of knowing I don’t have any control over it. No doubt, it’s me and not always being willing to comply with the will of God.
You see I had completed the preliminaries. I had a basic plan of execution. I asked God to help me see the reality instead of focusing on the fairy tale. I asked Him to remove the hurt and pain from the past and replace it with love and affection. I even asked Him to separate the bad thoughts from the good thoughts and let me dwell only on the good thoughts. I remember asking Him to place forgiveness in my heart and shower me with selective memory of the things that caused me to have to forgive in the first place.
What I soon found was that God does not like to be given orders – even if you ask nicely. He really don’t need instruction on how to complete a good work within me. Ultimately, He doesn’t’ need instructions from an individual that has never seen the end result. God did and is doing what He wants to do in my life and equipping to me to accept it. It’s even safe to say that the requests I made were tweaked to prepare me for the assignment He has for me. As Fantasia would say “It was necessary”!!! (Have you heard that song? OMG listen here)
As the scripture says, we will never understand His wisdom, but we simply have to trust His plan (Psalms 37:5). God knows what’s best for you. He has a desire and a plan for you that was prepared before you even entered your mother’s womb. Think about it like this… a plan was decided in heaven and you were formed to execute it. So 
regardless what comes your way, God has a plan for you. He has instructions, clear instructions on what you are supposed to do. Also realize He’s preparing you now for what He has in store for you later. Trust the plan. Trust the wisdom. Trust God. We may never understand the why or even the how – but we can trust the WHO!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 19, 2016 | Abuse
I lied to myself. I betrayed myself. I deceived myself. I wasn’t honest. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so careless? How could this happen to me? I should have known better. No one is going to help me this time! I brought this all on myself.
Those are the cries of a person being tormented by the thoughts that scream in her mind. The thoughts that won’t stop for a moment. The thoughts that get louder as time goes by. The thoughts that push aside any sense of reason. These are the cries of a person suffering from abuse. These are the words I hear from clients. Let me be transparent for a moment – these are the words I once cried.
Unless you have been in an abusive situation, it is easy to say what you would or would not do if it were you. It’s easy for a person who have never been subjected to abuse to say “they would never do that to me”. You really never know what you would do until you are placed in that situation. I never thought I would be put in a situation to be raped. But I was. I never thought I would have been assaulted by a loved one. But I was. You never know what you will do until you are in that situation.
Most victims of abuse have been mentally abused and controlled a long time before any physical abuse ever occurs. The abuser convinces the victim that no one cares about them. The abuser grooms them by isolating them from their family and friends. This isolation from family and friends solidifies the victim’s dependency on their abuser. I’ve seen many cases where the dependency is so strong, the victims will hide all forms of abuse to avoid “losing” their abuser.
As many of us travel over the summer enjoying our summer vacations, research show more women are severely and repeatedly abused in the summer than any other time of the year. Why? Because the victims don’t want to interfere with the happiness of others, so they keep quiet. Another reason according to research tempers rage during the summer resulting in more abusive behavior.
Okay Tina, why are you telling us all of this? As we move forward in our “YOU Matter” campaign, I will be challenging you to step out of your comfort zone. YOU Matter and what you do matters. You never know what a person is going through. Every smile does not mean “I’m happy”. Every laugh does not represent “joy”. It’s time to dig deep inside ourselves and truly make a difference in the world. We might not be able to change the whole world but we could make a difference in the lives of those that we come into contact with. YOU Matter is not just about what matters to you, it’s about being the best version of ourselves and encouraging others to do the same.
Let’s work together to restore hope to the hurt, a voice to the silenced and peace to the abused.
Sometimes it’s the small things we do that matter the most. When is the last time you spoke to that long lost cousin? Did your friend try to share something with you but you were too busy with your own life that you dismissed it as something minor? Could that co-worker’s bruise really be something more than her walking into the door? When was the last time you smiled at someone just to brighten up their day? It’s time to do better. It’s time to make a difference. It’s time to be a reminder that YOU matter.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 28, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
Have you ever sent out a RSVP to a person and they didn’t respond? Better yet have you ever received a RSVP and didn’t respond? What was your reason for not responding? Did you intend to but forgot or was it that you had no intention of attending in the first place?
Imagine this:
You opened the mailbox to find a beautiful handmade card. What could this be? An invitation for ME??? The excitement and anticipation begins to rise up inside of you. The card says “YOU are cordially invited to the event of a lifetime!” Here is the event of the year and you were invited. You’re not sure who invited you, why they invited you or who would be there but you were invited and that’s all that mattered, right?
For days you walk around excited about your invitation. You begin to think what you could wear. You begin to think of all the fun you would have. The excitement is about to overtake you. You slow down and call around to see which of your friends would be attending. One after one they inform you they had not received an invitation. What?? Slowly your excitement begins to fade. No one is going. This is not going to be fun. So you throw the invitation on the desk and it gets lost amongst the bills and junk mail. You never RSVP’d. You never said if you were going to attend or not. You allowed the unfamiliar and your comfort to keep you from the event of the year.
Many of you have received such an invitation and because it required you to go alone or step outside of your comfort zone, you threw it on the desk and forgot about it. One day you happen to see the invitation again, so you read it.
“YOU are cordially invited to the event of a lifetime! You have been invited to LIVE”
Yes, that’s right. You were given an invitation to live life unapologetically without regret and you decided to stay in your comfort zone.
Well the good thing about it, you’ve been given another opportunity. Life is waiting for you. You can have anything you desire. All you have to do is accept the invitation. Some things are going to look different. Everyone will not be able to attend. Everyone will not receive an invite to your party. There may be some different people in attendance. But I promise you the ones that need to be there celebrating you will be there! Are you ready? Are you ready to step out of the comfort zone and experience what was prepared for you a long time ago?
Jeremiah 1:5 – I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.
You see God has a plan for you. He has an assignment with your name on it. Everything you need to complete this assignment has been given to you. It’s time to live the life you were created to live. All you have to do is accept the invitation. The choice is yours. RSVP – please respond.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 23, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
I had this desire to change me, to fix me. There must be something wrong with me. Why do I keep finding myself in these predicaments? Being hurt by the person I’m trying to love. 
Changing who I am to accommodate for the lack of self-awareness in someone else. Giving to the point I have nothing left to give. Loving to the point that it hurts. Emotionally tired. Physically drained. Yet pushing on in spite of the need to rest.
Understand this is not of God. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were created in His image. He had plans for you far before you even entered your mother’s womb. I heard someone say “He said what you were far before anyone ever said what you weren’t.
We become so caught up in what society says we should be. We get sidetracked by how the world say we are supposed to act. We lose sight of how we really feel because it is apparently wrong according to the belief system that we have been trained to embrace. Instead of focusing on what society says – let’s focus on what GOD says!!
When you force the unnatural, you will get an unnatural result! 
You can’t force someone to do something that’s not natural for them. Stop looking for outward approval when everything you need lives inside of you. Learn to love yourself. Don’t know how? Remember the promises of God. Remember you are a child of God. Remember God don’t make junk. Remember you are the apple of God’s eye. Remember you are His greatest creation.
When is the last time you looked in the mirror and said “I love you”? When is the last time you took yourself to the movie or out to dinner? When is the last time you wrote a love letter to yourself highlighting all the wonderful things about yourself? When was the last time you did something just for you?
Oh yeah, they will say that’s being selfish and self-centered. But who are “THEY”. The bible says we should take care of our body.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:19-20
What will you do TODAY to honor God? Will you continue to be trapped by what “they” say or will you “seek God” and do the things that are natural? There is NOTHING wrong with you. There is NOTHING for you to change or fix. God loves you just the way you are. Don’t be bothered by the standards they’ve set in place – follow the standards of God and watch Him create in you a new heart. A heart that loves Him and takes care of his temple.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 16, 2016 | Fear, Growth
There is nothing like “VIP Status”. You get benefits that others could only imagine having. You are moved to the front of the line, if you have to wait in line at all. You are ushered to the front of the arena like dignitaries. Usually your seats are a little plusher than the others. You have a view close enough to see everything and anything worth seeing. You are almost as important as the person you have come to see because you, my dear, are a VIP. A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON
Are there individuals in your life with a VIP Status? Have you ever tried to figure out how they got there? Who invited them? Who gave them a special invitation? Who told them they could sit up front AND on the front row? Well, clearly at some point you did!! Now you are ready for them to exit left.
It’s important to understand you are not alone. Many have people in our lives whose VIP status should have been revoked a long time ago. In fact, it’s a great possibility they you had second thoughts about even inviting them to the performance in the first place. Yet you took the chance put the invitation in an envelope and popped it into the mailbox. The recipient opened it, accepted it and you led them to the front row. Now, they are distracting you from what is supposed to be the performance of your life. How did you let this happen? What were you thinking? Truth is you weren’t thinking or you didn’t think long enough. But it’s okay, don’t beat yourself up. What has happened has happened. You live and you learn. Now, let’s do something about it.
You see we are humans. It’s human nature to look for the best in people. I mean let’s be real… if you walked around looking for the bad in everyone you would live a very lonely life. You would live a miserably unhappy life. You see, it’s when people do the same thing and you dismiss it or try to justify it, that will give you cause to rethink your invite list.
When people show you who they are believe them the first time.
Maya Angelou
It really don’t take a genius to see if a person constantly mistreats or disrespects you, sticking around hoping they will change is probably not a good idea. If they had any intention of changing, they would have by now.
But how do you revoke their status? I mean they are on the front row. Sitting right in front for everyone to see. Asking them to leave would be disrespectful. Right?
Listen… you know when it’s time to release someone from your life and if you need help with that, we can talk about it. You are the CEO of your life and you can hire or fire whomever you desire. Your management team should consist of people who will help move your organization (life) in the direction you desire it to go. Not people using your organization for personal gain.
Those individuals that seem the hardest to let go, are the ones that have made the biggest impact in your life. Maybe a good impact at some point, but if you are considering l
etting them go the impact has changed. They have shown you in some way “who they are” and you’ve decided to make some adjustments.
How to revoke a VIP Status?
- Take your time This is not a marathon. You don’t have to make a drastic decision but you do have to make a decision. You cannot stay on the fence on this one. You must decide what’s most important. And any CEO knows the well-being of the organization always comes first.
- Do what’s best for you So many times we focus on what everyone else wants for us or what’s best for everyone else. At one point YOLO (you only live once) was extremely popular (it’s fading now) but the truth is if you are living right you only need to live once.
- Accept it It’s only when you identify and admit there is a problem, that you can make adjustments. Remember you cannot change other people. Just like you have rights, so do they. So give them their rights and accept their desire to be who they want to be. Remember their choices has nothing to do with you.
- Forgive Forgive yourself. Forgive them. Remember when you refuse to forgive, you allow bitterness to set in. Forgiving someone never excuses what they did but it allows you to unlock the chains that hold you captivated by what they did. You are at the peak of your performance now is not the time to be bound with unforgiveness.
- Change your environment Go somewhere. Go for a walk. There is nothing like a change of scenery to clear your mind. You’ve dealt with this long enough. Put it down for a little while. Trust me if you desire to pick it up when you return it will be right there. Hopefully you won’t want to pick it back up.
- Have some fun Remember the things that once made you laugh. The things that made you smile. The things you could talk about for hours with your friends. Do them. Start enjoying your life. Remember “if you are living right, you only need to live once”.
Revoking a VIP card is never easy and can be extremely difficult. However, allowing the performance you’ve worked your whole life to perform slip away, because of the distraction or lack of respect from someone who wishes you would fail, is crazy.
The curtain is about open are you ready? Your life begins NOW!!! Who’s in your VIP section? Should they be? Only you can answer those questions.
Until Next Time,
regardless what comes your way, God has a plan for you. He has instructions, clear instructions on what you are supposed to do. Also realize He’s preparing you now for what He has in store for you later. Trust the plan. Trust the wisdom. Trust God. We may never understand the why or even the how – but we can trust the WHO!!!
