We all have felt discouraged at one point of another. Trust me anyone that says they’ve never been discouraged, is lying and run from them. The problem is many people stay in a discouraged mindset for so long, it becomes normal. Are you discouraged? Do you even know what discouragement really is? Discouragement is defined as a loss of confidence or enthusiasm. It has also been defined as having a loss of trust. Regardless how you choose to define it, if you’ve ever been discouraged about anything, you know it is a lonely and sad place.
2 Corinthians 5:7 says we live by faith not by sight.
When you find yourself discouraged, take a moment and be honest. What are you looking at? What are you focusing on? Have you taken your eyes off the promise? Have you taken your eyes off of what you know and started looking at what you see? You can’t have faith and be discouraged at the same time! Oops! Sorry to disappoint you. You must choose, which one will it be?
Understand this, the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. I’ve said in a previous blog; he could care less what you have. He likes for you to have stuff. But if he can get you to stop trusting in God, kill your dreams, and destroy your hope, he feels he has succeeded. If he can put distractions in place that will cause you to doubt everything God has told you about you, he feels he has succeeded. And if he can use all your stuff to accomplish it, all the better. Sadly, if you fall for his distractions, he will succeed.
When you are distracted it takes your eyes off of God and places them on your problem or circumstance. You begin to focus on what you see instead of what you know. You begin to look with your physical eye instead of your spiritual eye.
When we look with our physical eye we begin to lean to our own understanding. We begin focusing on things that don’t matter instead of focusing on God and the greatness that He has created inside of us and for us.
Trust me I know what it feels like to be discouraged. To feel as if nothing matters. To feel like nothing you do is enough. To just be ready to give up and give in. But giving up is not an option! That’s exactly what the enemy wants you to do. If he can get you to give up, you will never be able to benefit from the blessings of God. You will never be able to walk in His promises. You will never reap the harvest prepared for you.
When you feel yourself becoming discouraged, STOP right where you are and ask “where is my focus? Am I looking with my physical eye or my spiritual eye? Am I leaning on my own understanding or am I trusting God?” One of my favorite promises in the Bible is ‘God will never leave nor forsake me’. And surely if He made that promise for me, He made if for you. But you have to trust Him and follow the process He has you on. Make a decision discouraged or faithful?
Where you are right now is only temporary unless you make it a permanent home.
The year is coming to an end and everyone is trying to figure out what their “New Year’s resolution” will be. Many will make a vow to lose weight. Others will want to stop a bad habit. Others will work on goals that grow them as a person – going to church more, reading the bible more, going back go school. Don’t get me wrong those are all GREAT things to want to accomplish and what better time to start than at the beginning of the year.
It’s customary to start the year off with a list of goals we want to accomplish but somewhere around February we get slack and by April we don’t even remember what we put on the list. Or we’ve become so frustrated because we haven’t accomplished the goals that we give up and say FORGET IT!! Don’t give up on yourself so easily. Your efforts were on point it was your method that didn’t quite work. Below are 5 reasons why New Year’s Resolutions don’t work and how to set goals that you can actually accomplish.
They are too broad. We set goals that are very general like “I’m going to lose weight this year”. Well what does that really mean? Truthfully if you lose 1 pound, you’ve accomplished your goal. If you lose 50 pounds and gain it all back, you’ve accomplished your goal. We have to be more specific. Here is a better way to generate the results you are looking for – I will become more aware of my health and find ways to have fun while improving my health. Make small goals that help you stay on track and see progress. Set accountability points throughout the year to make sure you are on schedule. If you are great!! If you are not, readjust the plan and keep pushing. Just don’t give up on yourself.
They are unrealistic. We set goals that are unrealistic. We resolve to read the bible every night before we go to bed. But… we don’t even own a bible. We are using the bible that Grandma had sitting on the table in the living room. You remember, the one we weren’t allowed to touch growing up. Trust me I’ve made that resolution before too and by the time I got through all the “begot this one and that one”, I was done. A better approach would be to go to the bible book store and find a bible that caters to your needs. There are many versions available and some really good study bibles. Another thing is to find a bible study that you enjoy. There are several online bible studies that focus on specific issues. You may even find a local women’s study group that can help you. Take baby steps. No one said you have to read the whole bible in January!
There are too many goals. At the beginning of the year, we make all these goals we want to accomplish and before we know it we aren’t doing any of them. Decide what you really want to accomplish this year. Note: You should only have 2-3 goals at a time. These goals should be things that must be accomplished in order to move forward to other things. You don’t want to say I’m going to go back to school, get a good job, buy a house, start a family, etc. If the end result is to get established and start a family but you desire to go back to school to get that started, the first thing would be to decide what you want to study and what school you would like to attend. My grandmother would say it like this, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Don’t rush yourself or you will never take the first bite.” Decide what comes first and then make that happen.
There’s no accountability. As many of you know I love my vision boards. I make one every year and post it on my wall where I can see it every day. Not only does it remind me of my goals for the year but it keeps me accountable to myself. Because “I am that girl”, I’ve learned what works for me. Not only do I place my board on my wall for me to see, I place it where my family can see it as well. Because I offer vision board parties every year, I take my current and past boards with me to these parties showing goals can be accomplished if you commit to them. ACCOUNTABILITY at the highest – you can’t sell something you haven’t bought!!!
You’re not ready. Many people will make a resolution because it’s what they feel they “should do” or “what others are doing”. Just because you decide you want to lose weight is not a reason for me to want to lose weight. Just because you decide you need to go to church more does not mean I’m not happy with the relationship I have with God. If you aren’t ready to make the commitment needed to accomplish the goal then DON’T MAKE THE GOALl!! When you are really ready to make the change in your life it will be a part of you. You will own it. It will not be difficult. It may be challenging but it will not be difficult.
Basically, resolutions don’t work because for the most part they are not authentic. They don’t line up with what you really desire. They don’t provide you the accountability you need to make the changes and well, they provide you with a way out. Every one of us have made a “New Year’s resolution” at some point in our lives and we have all heard they don’t work – what a perfect excuse to not commit to the change!!!! Well, let’s make this year different! Let’s set goals we really want to accomplish. Let’s make ourselves accountable. Let’s commit to only the things we are ready to commit to. Remember you can be the best version of yourself but only when you are ready.
Until Next Time,
Have you signed up to host or attend a Vision Board Party? Now is the time! Make this year the year you accomplish everything you desire.Click here for more information.
Disclaimer: Many of you have heard my take on the Law of Attraction. If not, simply I believe in parts of the Law of Attraction, however, I don’t believe the “universe” manifest what occurs in your life. I believe your faith in God and His promises manifest life occurrences. Other than that, the Law of Attraction has proven to be very fundamental in my life and those I work with.
I usually begin working on my vision board around the end of November beginning of December in preparation for the classes I offer during the first quarter of the year. This year has been no different. Last week I took my current vision board off my wall and examined it. I went over each aspect as to identify what worked and what didn’t. What was accomplished and what wasn’t. What manifested from what I placed on my board in comparison to what actually happened.
If you follow me on social media, you know that I am a glass half full type of person and I strive to pour into people daily. I will be the first to admit there were some rough bumps in the road this year. Let’s be real there were some large man holes and I fell into some them. Although I wrote about them, I didn’t always make them public. The writings were to help me see areas in my life where I needed to surrender my will to God and move forward. You will find links thoughout this blog where you can take a glance at some of them. I’ve learned that through my transparency, not only was I able to heal but was able to help others seek healing as well. So, I don’t share them to receive sympathy or even empathy, I share them to help others see they are not alone in their struggles.
This year I was attacked in practically every area of my life. My health was challenged. My parenting was challenged. My morals and values were challenged. My marriage was challenged. My self-worth and the way I viewed myself was challenged. My insecurities were challenged. My spirituality was challenged. My purpose was challenged. My deliverance was challenged.
I remember asking God, “why was all of this happening?” It seemed to all occur one after another. I didn’t feel under spiritual attack, this felt personal “real personal” and I was NOT winning. I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I was through!!! But over the last few days, I’ve come to understand, it wasn’t about me at all. The things I was going through was to teach me how to overcome obstacles so I could help others persevere.
Now back to the purpose of this blog. As I mentioned each year I create a vision board and choose a focus word to center my board around. This year was no different. I prayed hard to come up with the perfect word and once I had it, excitement flowed over me. The year before my word was PURPOSE and I was able to define my purpose. This year I would strive to master my purpose and “work my purpose”. So, what better word for this year than PERSEVERE!!! Persevere means to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.
After taking a hard look at my board, I sat in the middle of the floor and cried. I finally understood. I finally got it! The hurdles I faced this year were not to destroy me, they were to strengthen me. They were to build me. They were to strengthen my purpose and my belief in my purpose. They were to equip me with the tools I needed to help others. They were to push me. They were to grow me. They were to build a deeper relationship with God and to learn to trust Him and the process He was taking me through.
It was during my mother’s hospitalization that I learned I’m not superwoman and I don’t have to be. It was during the recovery of TWO surgeries that I learned selfcare is important (read about it here). It was my own choices that left me feeling defeated spiritually. God had not forsaken me as I had thought (read about it here). It was His love that keep me afloat and able to get through what seemed like one of my darkest moments and I had many this year. But God brought me through.
It was hard but looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned some valuable lessons. I learn to trust myself again. I learn to trust God again. I learned to be patient with myself and those around me. You see, creating a vision board is not just putting pictures or words on a large board. It’s providing a place for you to show God you are willing to make the steps as He directs your path.
I’ve heard from many that this was a tough year. If you are one of those, I encourage you to look at it from a different perspective. What did you learn this year? Did you grow? Did you move into a deeper understanding of who you are and what your true desires are? Did it make you rethink the way you “play” life? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you, my dear, did not have a tough year; you had a year of growth that pushed you to the next level. And above all – you made it!!! You made it to the end. Now what are you going to do with the knowledge you’ve earned?
With so many people offering vision board parties, I decided to do something different this year. This year I am encouraging you to “Host Your Own Vision Board Party”. I will be there to facilitate it. It will be just as strong if not stronger than any of the parties I’ve hosted in the past. But here is the thing… you will invite your friends, your women’s group, your peers, your colleagues – YOU CHOOSE WHO COMES. You choose the location. You choose the atmosphere. This is your event – I’m just here to make sure you leave with a vision for 2017!!!! This makes for a more intimate party and also provides you with accountability partners should you need the extra push throughout the year. Here is the link to see what dates are still available. I also encourage you to reach out to me as the dates are filling up fast. Click here to schedule your event.
If you are ready to allow God to grow you and push you to the next level, make a vision board. God has something miraculous in store for you. Allow Him push you forward and create an even better version of you. I’m here to help guide you to becoming the best version of yourself when you’re ready to do the work.
(This post can be a trigger for those battling abuse- know you are not alone)
I thought if I loved harder, if I gave more, if I was quiet then maybe just maybe the pain of betrayal would subside and I would be loved by the one person I wanted love from the most.
Well, the pain did not subside. In fact, it grew. Before I knew it, it had become something I could no longer contain or control. It began to leak outside of me. It began to spill on every aspect of my life. It became the catalyst for everything I did or didn’t do. It became the curriculum of how I interacted with others. I began to teach people that I didn’t matter, that my feelings didn’t matter, that my existence didn’t matter. The pain became a part of my identity. I felt like a piece of property. I had become something to do. I had become a part of an image. I had become something easily discarded once something better came along. Sadly, I began to view myself as “just something”.
Something that was lost….
I had lost my self-respect. How can you respect yourself when no one else does?
I had lost my pride. My existence was in making others proud and that wasn’t happening.
I had lost my desire for better. The pain had become embedded in me and was all I could feel.
I had lost my scruples. What once seemed right was turning wrong and what seemed wrong was made to feel right.
But then it happened. The lights began to blink. The page turned. I could hear the sounds of reality. I could feel the sting of the pain. I could breathe the stench of anger. Wait! I wasn’t breathing, in fact, there were hands wrapped around my throat and someone was yelling in my face. The blinking lights was me going in and out of consciousness. The pages turning was my inner self realizing this could be the end. The sounds of reality was my kids yelling – asking if I was okay. It was their screams that snapped me into reality. I knew I had to do something, if not for me for them.
Yet I remained a piece of property for many years after that; feeling I couldn’t do better. Feeling I didn’t deserve any better. Feeling this was the life I was destined to live.
Maybe I’ll just love harder. I’ll just give more. I’ll just sit quiet. I’ll overlook the affairs. It has to get better. It will get better. I heard the preacher say “speak things into existence”. I will speak harmony and peace into my home. I will speak love into my relationship. I will give respect and soon it will be offered to me. I will speak it – God will hear it and make it right.
Why is this taking so long? I know our time schedule is different than God’s but surely He sees how desperate I am. Surely, He sees that I’m hurting. I’ve heard all my life that “He cares about the least of them” surely, I must at least be a part of that group. Then why hasn’t he answered my prayers. Why hasn’t he come to see about me? Why hasn’t He made this pain stop? Maybe I don’t matter to Him. Maybe He don’t care about me….
But you see God did care about me. He was constantly giving me a way out of the situation, I decided to stay. Every prayer I prayed – He answered with a blessing on top of what I asked for. Yet I was so consumed with the needs of others, that I took the answered prayers as a way God wanted me to help them. I didn’t see that it was God giving an opportunity for harmony and peace into my home, in my own mind. I couldn’t see it was God allowing me to feel loved by Him and ultimately learn to love myself. I couldn’t see God was giving me the tools I needed to learn to respect myself and be a better version of myself. I couldn’t see because I was expecting it to look different. I was lost in my own expectations instead of the expectations of God and His desire for me as His daughter.
Don’t allow the pain to become louder than God’s voice. Cry out to Him. Ask Him for help. He will send it I promise. I cares more about you than you could even imagine. You are the apple of His eye. You are a beat in His heartbeat. Your concerns are major to Him. You see just like God heard my cry – He will hear yours and deliver you from it – if you allow Him to do so.
Intimate Partner Abuse (domestic violence) is real. There are women battling this war every day. Holding on to scraps in hope to one day be able to make a meal. Ladies, if you are in an abusive relationship. You don’t deserve to be mistreated. That is NOT love! Love does not hurt. Love does not hit. Love does not belittle. Love does not shame. Love does not control. You can take your life back. I know it seems hard, it was hard for me too. But I promise you it will be worth it. If you have a friend that is in an abusive relationship, be patient with them and be strong for them. You cannot force them to do anything they don’t want to do but you can show them how much you love them by being there when they ask for help.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were willing to do anything to get it? You sought help from others to get it. You prayed about it. You fasted about it. When that didn’t work you whined about it. Then you complained about not having it. You get the picture – you were willing to do whatever it took to get what you wanted.
Many of us are going through life like that – we want what we want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. But what if what you want is not what God wants for you?
The Bible says God will give you the desires of your heart(Psalms 37:4), so sometimes that’s even the things He would rather you not have.
You see there are these fraternal twins called Perfect Will and Permissive Will.
Perfect Will is perfect. He is the perfect image of everything you could possibly desire. He is wonderful. He can be a little hard sometimes but once you get over the hardness it is pure ecstasy. He displays the qualities of God at all times. He is full of compassion and lines up with the will of God always. It’s not always easy with Perfect Will but you are guaranteed to land where you were created to land. Perfect Will always walk according to the Bible and can back up what he talks about.
Permissive Will has it good points. He can be fun and alluring. Usually the life of the party and willing to change things to make sure you are having fun while in his presence. He can be very fickle and sometimes even temperamental. He has been known to be mild mannered and bull headed at the same time. Permissive Will can mirror God but don’t always have the character of God. Permissive Will can be tainted with the views of the world. He may show you to your destination but you may be too tired to enjoy it once you arrive.
Okay, I may have given some humor to it but hopefully you can see where I’m going with this. God gives us a perfect will but he also allows for a permissive will. You have a choice. You can do things the way He instructs you or you can do things the way you want to do them. He will not force you to follow His way but He will make it worth your effort to do so.
In Genesis 32:26, Jacob had toiled with the angel of God all night. He was desperate to get an answer from him. Are you willing to toil with God all night or until He blesses you? What if he told you what you wanted was not what he desires for you? What if he tells you to let go of some things you hold dear? What if he wants you to move to a place you have no desire to be in or move away from a place you are comfortable in? What if His perfect will for your life don’t look like what you thought it would look like?
God never told you it would be fair but he did tell you it would be worth it. He never said it would be easy but He promised to never leave you. He never said weapons would not form against you but he did say they would not prosper.
You have a choice you can follow the perfect will of God or you can follow the permissive will. You can receive the blessings of God the way He intended for you to receive them or you can received the watered down version because you aren’t ready for the real thing.
I’m holding on to the spirit of God until He blesses me with all His promises. I don’t have all the answers. I won’t do everything right. But thank God He is a God that offers grace and mercy to us all.
What will you follow today? Will you follow the perfect will of God or the permissive will of God? You may eventually get to the same place but will you be able to truly enjoy the blessings God has for you along the way.
