by Coach Tina | Apr 7, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Gratitude, Growth, More Abundant Series
And I heard clearly “I can’t heal what you deny”.
And just like that- the flood gates opened and every emotion I ever felt came tumbling out in the form of tears. My eyes are still swollen this morning (I’ll blame it on the pollen) but my heart is lighter. The weight is lifted. I feel so much better.
I’m so grateful for a God that will allow me to lay my burdens at HIS feet without judgement! A space where I don’t have to be a superwoman or a super-saint. A space where I can just be me.
As a fatherless daughter and an abused wife, it was hard for me to trust ALL of me to God. I was afraid HE would be like every other man in my life and abandon or hurt me. Yet God has shown himself faithful. Loving. Dependable. Unwavering. HE has wrapped me in HIS arms and comforted the scared parts of me even when I didn’t know how to let them go.
Release is good. Crying is good. Acknowledging the hurt is good. That’s where healing begins. God loves his children and is willing to heal the pain. But we MUST give it to HIM.
What do you need to lay at the Father’s feet? What have you denied yet want healed? What are you allowing to weigh you down because you refuse to deal with the emotions behind it? Where have you refused God access? He can’t heal what you deny!!!
Until Next Time,
(more…)
by Coach Tina | Feb 14, 2018 | Fear
It really was my desire to stay clear of writing anything VALENTINE’S!! Like if I just focused on today being my son’s birthday instead of ALL LOVERS’ DAY, maybe I would float through the day with a smile on my face and feel all bubbly inside. Well around 11:00 this morning the bubbly feeling went running out the door and the smile on my face was challenged by the tears that formed in my eyes. 
Reality set in. This is the first Valentine’s I would spend as a single woman. There would be no flowers when I get home. No teddy bear or candy. I wouldn’t be dressing up for a fancy dinner. I wouldn’t have my bath ran with rose pedals floating on top of the bubble bath. What in the world would I do? Then I busted out laughing, I hadn’t had those things in almost 5 years.
So, on the way home I will stop by the store pick me up some flowers. Figure out what I want to eat. Get me a bottle of Moscato (hey it’s a special night don’t judge me). Light the candles in my bathroom. Run me a nice bath and relax.
This year will probably be the best Valentine’s Day I’ve had in a long time. Full of peace and tranquility. Doing what I want to do instead of crying because nothing was done. I think I can get use to this single life. It has a way of allowing me to be who I always wanted to be without having to apologize for it.
So Happy Valentine’s Day! Hope yours offer you a bit of revelation the way mine has.
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 9, 2018 | Encouragement, Fear, Growth
Last night during a meeting I heard a quote ** “nothing changes, if nothing changes”. This quote not only sums up the last year of my life but could possibly be the mantra for my life.
Sometimes change requires you to do some thing drastic. Something that scares you a little bit or a whole lot!! Something that challenges everything you’ve ever known. Exactly a year ago today, I decided to make such a change. A change that would not only change life as I knew it but change the entire view of what life was. I remember the day like it was yesterday. In fact, sitting earlier this week, it was hard for me to believe it has been a year. Where did the time go?
On this day a year ago, I jumped. I mean really jumped!! I jumped into an unknown area. An area I’d never experienced before. An area that not only made my heart beat a little faster but made me excited and queasy at the same time. An area I’d wanted for a long time but was too afraid to move into. An area that I knew was necessary but was willing to avoid if possible. An area that would change not only my life but the lives of everyone connected to me. I knew by making this jump, I would not be able to go back or things would be worse than ever before. It took me three years to gather the courage to make this jump.
I prayed. I fasted. I sought help from people I trusted. Yet even though I knew what I had to do, the thought of doing it scared me! I would even say paralyzed me.
Iyanla Vanzant quoted – “if your dreams don’t make you pee on yourself just a little bit, they aren’t big enough”. Big dreams are scary. They require you to dig into a place unknown.
What was my dream? To build a life I loved and to love the life I live. I dreamed of a life full of peace and tranquility. A life where I was loved and not tolerated. A life where I wasn’t afraid to be me. A life where I could laugh and be genuine about it. A life where I was truly happy. A life where my dreams mattered. A life where I slept in peace. A life where I looked forward to waking up because I had something to look forward to. But that life also scared me because I knew it would require me to make changes that I didn’t know how to make.
After three long years, lots of prayer, hours of counseling, repeated signs that the situation was not going to change unless I made a change, I jumped. I moved out of my house into an apartment. I left my comfort zone. I leaped – fear attached but I leaped! I said good-bye to drama, chaos, turmoil and lies. I made a conscious decision to live MY life not the life someone else felt was appropriate for me.
I remember the first night in the apartment, everybody had left and I was laying in my bed looking up at the ceiling. With tears rolling down my face, my heart pounding uncontrollably, feeling confused yet excited, I asked myself “what the hell did you do?”
The next few months were full of queasy stomachaches, rapid heartbeats and lots of praying but today I can say. I have it all!!! I love the life I’m building. It’s full of peace and tranquility. I laugh from a place I didn’t know existed. I am surrounded by people that love me and not just tolerate me. I look forward to each day knowing something great is going to happen. I am no long afraid to live. I actually look forward to living.
It’s been hard for me to celebrate the last 365 days because I felt it would be wrong. I felt it would make the last 30 years of my life a waste. But that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I can celebrate the person I have become, realizing the things I learned over the last 30 years have been a part of the awesomeness that is developing. I can look at the last year and see how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve learned to trust myself. How it’s okay to say “no” when I need to and “yes” when I want to. How taking the time to care for myself has made me a better mother, grandmother, daughter, and friend. How making that original jump has given me courage to continue to make jumps.
So today I celebrate my one-year anniversary. Not with balloons or cake. But with honor and respect for who I am and who I am becoming.
Until Next Time,
**I would love to give credit to the person who originally made this quote but I couldn’t find it on the internet. So, if you know who it was drop it in the comments below.
by Coach Tina | Oct 12, 2017 | Abuse, Fear
Is there a difference? I would say NO!! But I would be wrong!
The two terms are often used interchangeably but there really is a difference. To be termed Domestic Violence, an act must occur where physical violence has been used to coerce, control, intimidate or manipulate a person whom you have been or are currently in a relationship with into doing something they don’t have a desire to do. Domestic Abuse is used in the same relationships for the same reasons but it may or may not include physical abuse and the physical abuse would not be considered violent from those on the outside looking in. 
Okay now that I have explained what the “textbook or legal” difference is between the two, I will add that I think it’s a bunch of crap (yes, I typed something else but remembered my mom may read this and I don’t want to offend her).
Here is the thing – VIOLENT OR NOT – ABUSE is ABUSE! In most cases, before an abuser inflicts physical abuse, they have already inflicted other forms of abuse – emotional or mental, verbal, financial, spiritual. Before they inflict a violent force, there has already been some type of nonviolent physical abuse, a push here a shove there. They have given the victim abused a reason to believe if they don’t adhere to the request, a more severe punishment may occur. Abusers thrive off the fear of their victim. But the abused must base whether it’s considered Domestic Violence or Domestic Abused on what someone else believes it to be. Now that makes me mad!!!
As a survivor of Domestic Violence, I have used the words interchangeable (but I can admit now it was because of my own shame of admitting to the abuse). I felt if I called it domestic abuse it wouldn’t sound so horrible when I forgave it and stayed in it. If I called it domestic abuse no one would know how severe it was. If I called it domestic abuse maybe it would go away. If I called it domestic abuse it would just insinuate there may have been a little yelling here or there. If I called it domestic abuse I would “save face” – mine and his.
Regardless if you call it Domestic Violence or Domestic Abuse. Regardless why you call it what you call it. Regardless if the abuser hits you or yells at you. Regardless if they quote scripture or yell curse words at you. Regardless if they give you an allowance or forbid you to touch the account. IT IS ABUSE! And because it is between individuals who are or where in an intimate (emotional) relationship it’s called DOMESTIC!! Regardless it MUST STOP!!
This is a very sensitive topic and I of all people am very aware how it can be a trigger to many. When I write about it, I am reminded of the pain I felt, the shame I felt, the guilt I felt but then I am reminded that I SURVIVED!!! I’m reminded that I got out! I’m reminded that my past does not defined my destiny!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Aug 8, 2017 | Fear
James 1:12
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
How can you be excited about being under trial? I’ve been to court before and it was terrifying! My hands were sweating, my heart was racing. All I wanted was for it to be over. But once it was over and I walked out of the courthouse, my body relaxed, the sweating stopped and I went on about my day. I never looked back. I didn’t not sit in the court room and think about what happened. I didn’t dwell on how I felt. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted to get as far away from there as I could.
Yet when life puts us under trial, we sit in the pain. We marvel at what’s going on. We tell the story over and over. We relive it long after it has ended. Then we try to figure out why we feel so defeated. You have worked yourself up and all you can think about is what has happened. Here is the thing – it HAS HAPPENED! It’s over! Nothing you can do about it! Let it go.
Blessed are the one who goes through the trial – you made it! You stayed firm. You did not give up. You did not quit. You got a little dusty but you wiped yourself off and keep going. And because of that you will get your reward. Maybe it’s victory. Maybe it’s a lesson. Maybe it’s the satisfaction of never having to go through it again. Whatever the reward – embrace it! You deserve it! Straighten your crown and walk with your head held up!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 10, 2017 | Fear
There are days where I struggle. Days where I can’t find the words to pray. Days when I want to just throw in the towel and give up. Days where I want to run back to my comfort zone and things that are familiar. Days when the negative thoughts are so loud they are all I can hear. Days when I question who I am. Days when fear paralyzes me. Days when I’m reminded of ALL my failures and those failures are all I can see. Days when I don’t want to hear another bible verse. Days when I just don’t want to pray. Days when I don’t want nobody praying for me! Days when I question if God is really there. Days when my mask wears a mask. Days when… yea you get it! 
But it is those days I push to pray a little harder. I praise a little louder. I worship a little deeper. Those are the days that I am reminded I CAN NOT do it on my own. But I can do it with God’s help. Those are the days I realize I NEED GOD! Those are the days I get some where and sit quiet. Those are the days I cry out for God to help me. Those are the days I remember how far He has already brought me. Those are the days I’m reminded of what I asked Him for and how it’s these kinds of days that are preparing me for it.
I know I will never give up on God! I know I will continue to strive to be all He has called me to be. I know I He will never give me more than I can bear. I, also, am keenly aware that He will NEVER forsake me or leave me stranded. So, when those days come I push! I push hard! I get on my knees and cry out to God for help! I push Tina out of the way and do what I don’t feel like doing. I surrender my desires for His. And if I’m really honest with myself, I realize it’s “those days” that I am the closest to what I’ve been praying for. If I’m really honest with myself, it’s the fear of moving forward that is keeping me stuck. If I’m really honest it’s those days that I’m trying to control situations that are out of my control. It’s those days where I grow a little closer to God. It’s those days that strengthen my trust in God. So I will not ignore “those days”, I will embrace those days and keep pushing through them until I become what God has called me to be.
Until Next Time,
