by Coach Tina | Apr 25, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, Highlights, purpose
There’s a difference between feeling needed and feeling appreciated.
When a person or system needs you, they have an acceptance for what you bring to the table. They realize you fill a spot they 
don’t want to fill themselves or haven’t found someone else to do it in the manner you do it. BUT when they appreciate what you do, they don’t WANT anyone else to fill that spot. They realize you are the BEST person to do it.
So often we sit at tables where we’ve been needed but not appreciated. It’s time to excuse ourselves.
When my kids were younger, protocol was to ask to be excused from the table. Many times the dinner table was the only time we sat together as a family, shared highlights about our day, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. So to get up and walk away was deemed disrespectful to the moment and those at the table. Regardless if you were finished eating or not you remained in place until given permission to leave.
But now as adults, we no longer need permission to excuse ourselves. We’ve learned when it’s appropriate to step away. When the conversation no longer serves us, or when it begins to offend us, we have free will to remove ourselves. Yet many will remain out of fear that our absence would be offensive or that our presence will be needed. We’ve began to accept being needed instead of being appreciated.
We waited a long time to be invited to the table so we sit as long as possible even though it has served its purpose in our lives. Being invited to the table is an honor. Being accepted as part of the elite is the goal, right? NO! Being appreciated at the table IS THE GOAL!
Build your own table and stop looking for an invite. Not because you’re not needed at the table but because you deserve to feel appreciated at the table! That table could be a job, a relationship or a friendship or systematic norms. When you realize you are a placeholder, simply excuse yourself; exit left unapologetically. You have too much to offer to only be needed!
When you start to realize your worth you start seeing things different. When you value your worth, you stop tolerating less than you deserve. You are no longer a child, you no longer have to ask to be excused. Simply and politely (if warranted) excuse yourself and move on. You are enough. You don’t need the validation of others to create a space where you are appreciated. Show up each day with appreciation for yourself. And soon they will be asking to sit at your table.
by Coach Tina | Apr 18, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose
Yesterday is over and guess what? You are still here!
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It represents new beginnings and springtime. People dress in their fancy clothes. Kids run around high off sugar. For those in the Christian faith, we celebrate a resurrected Christ. And it’s the launch to my birthday celebrations.
However, the last few years I haven’t felt much excitement. Between the pandemic, my mom’s transition, turning 50, kids living their grown life and being single, I’ve really struggled! I slid my mask on in hopes no one noticed but the transparency in me demands honesty. I struggled and it’s been rough. 
Trauma presents as recurring grief that shows up when you don’t want it to and demands attention when you don’t have the energy to give it. The slightest memory can propel you back into a space you thought you had finally climbed out of. It can have you laying in bed with the blinds closed, eating bom-boms for days. It can have you withdrawn or lashing out at people who need your compassion and love. It can have you impulsive and moody. It can take you to a space that makes you sick of you. Which presents its own battle. And I felt ALL of that yesterday!
Yesterday the coach in me was fighting with the little girl in me and leaving me emotionally and physically drained! Part of me demanded the soldier to stand up while the other just wanted to be held and told everything would be okay. The battle between insecurities and empowerment had me questioning myself, my growth and all the hard work I had done. It had me listening to the imposter instead of the cheerleader. It had me feeling isolated instead of triumphant. Girl, I was drained. BUT…
As I sit here assessing the damage from yesterday. Yes I did damage! But that’s a conversation for another day, I’m reminded that it was Easter, an opportunity for a new beginning. I can’t change yesterday. But I CAN make amends for those that got caught in my emotional wrath. I CAN create a plan so I’m able to deal with it better the next time. I CAN learn from it. I CAN choose to create lessons from it. I CAN start over. Read that again – I CAN START OVER! and show myself grace. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.
I share my transparency so when you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, you will have a gentle reminder; Easter is always available! A resurrection is always an option as long as you are willing to get up!
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Nov 8, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing
“Your lack of motivation or limited motivation is NOT because you are doing something wrong!”
Yes, that was the statement I had to say out loud and embrace as my current truth. I found myself trying to get motivated to do the things that I loved, yet it was not working. The harder I tried, the harder it became. I felt stagnant and unproductive. I felt as though I could not get it together. I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of. I felt as though those around me “should” see the disconnect. But they did not and that made me feel even worse. What the hell was I doing wrong??
Why was I feeling like this? Why couldn’t I bounce back? How did I get on this trail to nowhere? I could blame my lack of motivation on grief. Sadness. Depression. Stress. Overworked and underappreciated. Distracted. Having too many things on my plate. But #transparency I was struggling to articulate what needed and had resorted to old habits and allowed shame to keep me there! Talk about vulnerability! GIRL!!! That revelation was life changing!
I can motivate the hell outta someone. Have them making plans to visit the moon while helping them pack their bag; because I truly believe they were going. But I looked at my own packed bags and said “one day, I got to focus on my purpose and assignments, right now”. You see I wasn’t following my own advice. I had removed myself from my priority list trying to build my empire and help others do the same. I was showing up, but I was showing up to a party I didn’t need to attend at the moment. Can relate?
NOW, you know I’m all about building your empire. In fact, if you have followed me for any amount of time, you know my motto: “BUILD YOUR OWN TABLE and stop waiting to be invited to someone else’s!” But don’t be so focused on building that table/empire that once it’s built, you are to worn out to enjoy it! Take some me time. I mean totally unplug. Turn off the phone. Get a babysitter. Do what you got to do! Every now and then? NO! Absolutely NOT! put it on your calendar at least twice a month more often if it’s been a while since you’ve taken time for yourself! Because you ARE going to make excuses not to follow through. Learn to keep that appointment like it’s a doctor’s appointment! No exceptions! No excuses! Take the full appointed time. If it’s an hour, a day, a weekend, a week! Use the whole-time doing things that make you happy! Things that you don’t get to do often.
I just recently came off a TEN day vacation. I needed it. I had not taken a vacation since 2018 without having assignments or deadlines that I needed to make. I literally did not turn my computer on but ONE hour the whole time! That says a lot for me! People say, “you can rest when you die!” Hell NO! REST WHEN YOU NEED IT! That’s the only way you will be able to show up how you need to show up. That’s how you create a fulfilled life. That’s how your life stops just being tolerable. I promise the work will be there when you get back from your break!
I was overextending myself. Trying to be superwoman and Wonder Woman at the same time all while acting like Mary Poppins… falling apart but trying to wear a smile! Imagine that!
I saw this post: trying to heal, while trying to grieve. While trying to live, while trying to dream, while trying to smile. While trying to give love. While trying to be loved.” Trying to heal is work all by itself. Yet we’re expected to show up unbothered. I was bothered! I was tired. I just needed space to find the pieces and take off the mask. Get the book and you’ll understand that statement!
It’s time to uncover the truths. Time to stop lying to yourself and others. No, we ain’t walking around her like little raggedy Anne dolls but we are not showing up as our best selves either. We MUST set ourselves up for success by taking care of our own needs! I had to put in place my own accountability. Setting accountability don’t always require checking in with someone else. Learn to check in with yourself! Learn to become your own competition. Learn to say the hell with what’s expected and do what’s necessary for yourself. I extend this challenge to you. Join me cause challenges can be easier when you do it with others but it’s not necessary! I’m going to show up for me regardless. I hope do too.
Living Intentionally,
by Coach Tina | Sep 9, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, purpose
You are better than what you have been told. It really don’t matter who told you, you weren’t good enough. Maybe it was words from an abusive partner, an envious friend, a micro-managing boss, a toxic parent, or your own critical thinking. Wherever you heard those words, realize they were a lie. You ARE good enough. In fact, you are better than enough. You are created with everything you need to be the best version of yourself. You are growing into a better version of you each day and the best is yet to be seen.
The true essence of who you are is developed in the tough moments no one wants to talk about.
- It comes through the pains and struggles.
- It comes in the moments that hurt the most.
- It comes when you want to give up but keep going anyway.
- It comes when you prioritize your own needs over the wants of others.
- It comes when you say yes to yourself and no to others.
- It comes during those long nights when you can’t sleep.
- It comes from the tears you release in the shower.
- It comes from persevering even after a failed attempt.
- It comes when you refuse to allow the version of yourself that you want to be to take the back seat to the person you was.
- It comes when you are tired and take time to recuperate. (Rest but never quit)
- It comes when you show up BOLDLY for yourself.
You are enough. You are enough right where you are. You are better than you were told you are. You are making changes that the future you will benefit from. All I need you to do is keep going. All I need you to do is give yourself your best. All I need you to do is love yourself through the process. All I need you to do is show yourself a little grace. All I need you to do is take it one day at a time, one hour at a time – heck, if necessary, take it one minute at a time. But don’t give up on becoming the version of yourself you desire to be.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 23, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing, purpose
We often use the word content and complacent interchangeably but there are some subtle differences between the two. One will have you living a life of gratitude while the other can leave you resentful and unfulfilled. One will have you excited about where you are, while the other can have you constantly comparing yourself to someone else. One will have you living free and carefree while the other will have you bond and imprisoned by your own thoughts.
So often people use the scripture Philippians 4:11 –“I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am in”, as permission to accept whatever is given to them and be satisfied with it. BUT this is NOT what this scripture is saying. It reminds us to be content NOT complacent!
This scripture is using the true definition of content, which means to be happy.
I have learned to seek happiness in whatever circumstance I find myself but to not stop until I like what I see and am pleased with where I am. Being in a state of complacency keeps us stagnant and unfulfilled. It keeps us desiring more but unwilling to pursue more. It keeps us looking at what we don’t have instead of going after what we want. It propels us to see the cup as half empty instead of finding ways to fill it. We are responsible for our own happiness, yet that happiness will always be outside of our reach if we stay in a place of complacency.
I’ve always been transparent about my battle with depression. But I also withheld a lot of information concerning it out of shame and guilt. It wasn’t until I began to unpack my own baggage that I realized there was healing, personal healing, in telling my story. We ALL have a story, and our story can help another sister jump into her own journey of self-discovery. But we will discuss that in another setting.
Another way of looking at these two words are contentment is a state of being happy while complacency is refusing to work to improve your current situation.
Content is loving the skin you are in but getting up and exercising until you feel good about how you view yourself. Complacency is accepting who you are as you are without any desire to make changes even though you are not happy with what you see in the mirror.
Content is loving the people in your life but being confident enough in who you are to let them live the life they desire without needing to control them. Complacency is pointing out the flaws in others while attempting to hide your own.
- Are you content or complacent?
- Are you thriving or just surviving?
- Are you happy or just living?
NO ONE can truly answer those questions except you. NO ONE knows what keeps you up at night and whether you are doing something to fix the problem. It’s time to stop calling it content when in fact you are complacent.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 6, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing
Do you find yourself thinking about the past or maybe even the future? Does thinking about the future scare you? Do thinking about the past you make you sad? Or maybe when you think about the old you, you think what happened? Where did I go wrong? Why did I do things that way? Why did I stay engaged in those situations so long? What made me think the way I did? Why didn’t I do this or why didn’t I do that? Do you compare where you are NOW to where you thought you should have been or where someone else is?
PLEASE STOP!
You were doing the best you could with what you had at the moment. Some of us were living in survival mode. We were truly trying to make it to the next day without losing our mind. We were trying to raise a family without instructions. We were trying to navigate a life without a roadmap. We were working jobs to pay the bills not for enjoyment. We were entangled in relationships that we thought would eventually give us a return on our investment. You get the picture. You were doing the best you could at the moment.
One of my favorite quotes is by Maya Angelou – When you know better do better. NOW, you know better. Now you have a better understanding of what you want and what you don’t want. Live in that. Live a life that you can love and stop spending time trying to figure out how to navigate through a life that you no longer want to be a part of. BUT how, Tina? Glad you asked. Decide! Decide that you deserve the life you want. Decide that you will make yourself a priority. That you will put yourself on your to-do list. That you will finally give yourself the love you give so freely to others. Once you live into this practice, you will stop making excuses for why you want something and create a plan to obtain it. No one has the ability to stop your plans but you. Read that again!
There is NOTHING on this earth too good for you. Everything you desire in life is obtainable; if you are willing to put in the work to obtain it.
I have seen clients write goals and once they begin to see them come to light, they run the other way. WHY? Change is scary. Change requires you to jump out of your comfort zone. Change demands you to do things you aren’t used to doing. Change requires you to make decisions. Changes requires you be honest with yourself. Change makes you see yourself differently. Change requires you to see others differently. Change makes you stop blaming others and look at what part you played. Change requires doing something different in order to get what you truly want.
Are you ready for a change? Are you ready to move out of your comfort zone? Are you ready to do better? Are you ready to live a life that YOU created? Are you ready? Are you ready to thrive and stop just surviving? If so, I encourage you to take out your journal and write a declaration to yourself. Write a promise to yourself. Declaring your intentions, brings them to life. Place it somewhere you can see daily. Put it right in front of your face. And each day, decide you will do better than you did yesterday! That’s it…. Just do better than you did yesterday.
If you would like help moving forward in this journey, reach out to me. I know how hard letting go of the past can be, but I also know how liberating letting go of the past is.
Until Next Time,
