by Coach Tina | Jul 3, 2017 | Encouragement, Fear, Focus, Growth
About a month ago, I started a conversation on Facebook called #sistertalk. It’s an opportunity for women to help each other through those difficult moments and provide strength where needed. A real opportunity for HELP (honesty, encouragement, loyalty and prayer). Yet, there is something bothering me about it. It’s not the other women, it’s ME!
For years, I struggled with how people viewed me and there are still certain areas in my life I’ve kept hidden behind my mask. But I feel a tug to find the strength to push those insecurities away and allow myself to be a little more transparent. But there are some things on my chest that I need to get off. Maybe you can help me. You see I don’t understand –
• if a woman says she is going through, her faith is questioned.
• if it appears that all is ALWAYS alright, she’s a fake or unapproachable.
• If she tells the truth about what she’s going through, she’s complaining.
• If she asks for help, she’s being weak.
• If she cries, she’s told to get tougher skin.
• If she exposes the reality behind those tears, she’s being petty.
• If she speaks of the abuse she encountering, she’s told to keep her business her business.
• But if she is killed by her abuser everyone wants to know why she didn’t speak up.
• If she gets tired of being mistreated and make changes, she’s not a real Christian because a real Christian will allow you to do whatever you want to them and forgive you in Jesus name.
I’m so tired of trying to figure out the “correct” or “Christian” thing to do. When every day I am approached by women living a life of pain, thinking something is wrong with them because they believe all those lies listed above. They have convinced themselves that no one else is experiencing this kind of pain. When the truth is most of the women in their circle is covering up some form of pain, they just don’t know how to express it or are afraid of what people will say.
I am a Christian saved by grace. I love God with all my heart. I’ve been mad at God. I’ve turned my back on God. I said I was through with religion (and I am- just give me the relationship). I couldn’t understand how a God that loved me could allow so much pain to enter the heart of one person. But slowly and strategically God showed me it was not to destroy me. It was not to kill me. The pain I was experiencing wasn’t even about me. My testimony would be used to HELP other woman who were afraid to tell truth. Who didn’t understand that His love was unconditional and would never go away. My story would help those women who get up every day and put on a mask to cover up the shame and guilt they feel behind the actions of someone else. My honesty would give others permission to be honest.
I’ve been at this place before where I’ve felt God tugging at me to speak the truth and fear took over. It is my desire to move forward this time because although the fear is still there, I am courageous and encouraged by those women who haven’t found their courage yet. She needed a hero so she became one.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 8, 2017 | Encouragement, Growth
If the title caused you to stop! Please take a moment to read this. When someone hurts you or someone you love – we have a tendency to want to get revenge! I mean how could they deliberately hurt us right?
Rid yourselves of all malice. 1 Peter 2:1 – Well I’m taking up for myself! They started it! And I would never truly harm them! So I can keep going this does not apply to me, or does it?
For those of you that have been following me for a while, you know I have tendencies of perfectionism running through my body. So, when I came across this passage believing that God showed it to me with purpose, I paused and in true form – I did some research. I looked up the definition of malice, I looked up the scripture in different versions of the bible, I prayed and asked God to reveal areas in my life where it may apply.
Malice is a desire to cause harm to someone else. Well, I stopped worrying because I would never deliberately do harm to anyone. But when I looked up the verse in another translation – I stopped in my tracks.
1st Peter 2:1 ERV So then, stop doing anything to hurt others. Don’t lie anymore, stop trying to fool people. Don’t be jealous or say bad things about others.
WHOA!!! Have you ever tried to make a situation appear better than it was because you didn’t want people to think less of you? Have you ever manipulated a situation to get your way? Were you ever jealous of someone? Have someone ever did something bad to you and you spoke negatively about it? Have you ever sought revenge?
I sure have!! At some point, I have answered yes to each of those questions, especially when I feel someone has wronged me. I may not say anything to them but I will hold that pain (malice) in my heart. Remember sin is in thought and deed. It all starts in your mind.
So, your intent may not be to deliberately cause harm to someone but having a thought of revenge or even holding onto anger and jealously against them is malice. You must let it go. God will never hold you responsible for what someone does to you but He will hold your responsible for how you respond to it!
God, help me to walk according to your Word. Help me replace thoughts of anger or jealousy towards your people with love and respect. In Jesus Name
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 24, 2017 | Growth
Life isn’t always fair! In fact, most of us can attest to at least one experience in our lives that left us saying “THIS JUST AIN’T FAIR!” Maybe it was the unexpected death of a loved one. Maybe it’s a failed marriage that you’ve been praying over. Maybe that friend you confided in betrayed you. Maybe your children are acting out. Maybe you’ve been trying to get healthy and the doctor just gave you bad news. Maybe you got passed over for a promotion you just knew you were qualified for. Maybe you have been believing God for something and it hasn’t happened and you are ready to give up. Whatever your “experience” is, realize you are NOT alone. We have all been there to some degree.
Sadly, many of us believe that because we “get saved” (you know stand in front of the church, with tears running down our face, confessing our sins and promising to change our way of life 
-insert sarcasm) things are miraculously going to be fair. And if we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves in this entitlement mode where we feel things are “just supposed to happen”. You know you’ve been faithful over the few things. You’ve stopped doing the “big sins”. You pay your tithes AND offering. You’ve sought the Lord. You’ve fasted AND prayed. The man or woman of God even prophesized that it was going to happen. But where is it? This “just ain’t fair!
When you walk around thinking things are unfair – many times it’s because YOU feel someone has done something “wrong” to you or YOU didn’t get your way about something you feel you are owed or entitled to. Thank god you didn’t get what you deserved!
Please read this carefully …. The bible does NOT say it would be fair! The bible does NOT say because you do a few things “right” you are entitled to anything. In fact, it says “whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me (Luke 9:23).
Okay, let’s break that down. It clearly states to become a disciple of the Lord, there are certain things we must do and it’s not doing good deeds or doing it your way!
According to this scripture to become a disciple of God, you must:
1) Deny yourself – Realize it’s not your way. It’s not about what you want. It’s not always going to come out the way you want it to. Get over yourself and ask God what His will for your life is. Ask God how would He like for you to handle this situation?
2) Take up your cross daily – Going before God is a daily command. I don’t know about you but I need God every day because I mess up every day! Just when you think you are delivered, there will be another area to surrender to God. It’ a daily surrender and confession. We have thorns in our flesh – get that thorns, several not one. We all struggle. We all fall short. Which is why we need Jesus daily.
3) Follow God – Kinda hard to follow God – I mean really follow God while catering to your flesh and your worldly desires. When God called the disciples, they dropped everything and went with Him. They didn’t worry about their businesses or their families. They didn’t worry about what people were going to say. They didn’t say wait, God, let me get this right first. Nope they dropped it all. Are you willing to drop it all and truly follow God? Even if it doesn’t feel “fair”?
Think about it – the disciples really did have to deny themselves. They took up their cross daily and followed Jesus everywhere. But they were able to receive the teachings of Jesus first hand and reap the benefits of being in the presence of God’s son. Can you imagine having Jesus physically walk with you and answer any question you may have?
God has special “gifts” set aside for those who truly believe and will follow Him. He promised an abundant life. He promised beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for heaviness, peace for sorrow. I don’t know about you but when God can turn what seems bad in my life around and make it GOOD – I’ll take that over fairness any day. When He can offer peace over turmoil, send His son to die for my sins, love me despite my short comings – you can have entitlement. I’ll take the favor of God any day. I may not be able to have Jesus stand (physically) beside me and answer every question but He left the Holy Spirit to be my comforter and guide me just like He did the disciples. Now I just have to get out of my flesh and listen to instruction!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 14, 2017 | Encouragement, Gratitude, Growth
I’ve always wondered why we called Good Friday “good”? I mean this day was filled with sorrow, darkness and death. Yet we celebrate it and call it “Good Friday”. Many of us have the day off work. We may cookout or go to the beach. We celebrate a day we should be mourning! I mean a man – a righteous man died on this day…..
As Christians, this day represents the basis of what we believe. It is the backbone of our belief. If not for the period we call “Good Friday thru Resurrection Sunday” we would have nothing to base our belief on. But still why “Good” Friday?
It was said in olden times it was actually called “God’s Friday”. Okay, that I can get with! But Good Friday? Then I began to think. I was a good Friday. It was the day when pain and peace came together as one. It was the day that suffering and rejoicing united. It was the day that my sins were forgiven. It was a good day for me at least.
Although Jesus knew His assignment before even coming from heaven, Good Friday was the day He solidified His love for the Father and for us. 
I love my kids and I’ve always said I would die for them. But let’s be honest there are times when they make me mad, do something I don’t approve of or even say things that hurt my feelings. It is those days I question whether I would die for them and to think of dying a horrific death like crucifixion. Yeah, on those days, I would have to pause and think about it.
Although I would think about it as it relates to my kids, I probably wouldn’t even consider it for someone that has really hurt me, used me, or mistreated me. I’m glad I’m not God or y’all would be in trouble. I mean think about it – there are some people who have mistreated you and you probably wouldn’t even give them water more less give your life for them. Let’s make it even more relatable – you have people you haven’t spoken to in years because of something somebody said they said about you. Fact is you don’t know if it’s true or not but you walk around with that grudge like it’s the bible. Okay I got off track (but someone needed to read that- Let it go).
So even though we may look sideways at the person that has mistreated us, Jesus didn’t. He died for the ones that believed in Him and the ones that didn’t. He died for the ones that treated Him well and the ones that hated Him. He died for ME!! The one that have at some point broken every one of the ten commandments. Now that right there is a true example of love.
But why “Good Friday”? When you look at it with our sinful eyes, there is no good in His being beaten, spit on, nailed to a cross, forsaken by His father, tortured and then dying on top of all of that. There is no good in that. But when you look at it from Jesus’s view, the good was He accomplished what God sent Him to do — save a dying world… to provide a way that we would be saved from ourselves…. He did it for ME. And now that “it was finished”, it was the day He was going back home to His Father.
So the “good” part of Good Friday is that He loved me enough to die for me. The good part of Good Friday is God loved me enough to let Him. The good part of Good Friday is now I can repent of my sins and have a chance of seeing God. The good part of Good Friday is while I was yet a sinner Christ died for me that I may not have to see the true wrath of God and receive the punishment that I deserve. The good in Good Friday is that I have an opportunity to get things right here on earth so that I can return to God. So happy Good Friday!!!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 10, 2017 | Encouragement, Growth
If you were raised in church or around an older person, you have most likely heard the saying “many didn’t make it but I was one of the ones that did”. Many times, it was said during testimonial service followed with how God had delivered them from some horrific situation or circumstance. Until recently, I was one of those that used it; like many of the other religious clichés’, without meaning or thought. It wasn’t till I had a true wake up call and had to fall on my knees that I finally got it. We take so much for granted but understand – one decision can change your life for ever.
Many didn’t make it but I was one of the ones that did.
For months(who am I kidding – years), I walked around like everything was great and my life was picture perfect. I put on the mask and wore it well (had even blinged it out so it didn’t look like a mask). I would send words of encouragement and talk about how great life was. Listen – all those people posting on social media saying life is great ALL the time – THEY LYING!!!! I can say that because I was one of them. I was lying! It was all about the image!
One day I had a real come to Jesus moment and I had to be real with myself (actually it was after a session with one of my clients – but I digress). I asked myself – Tina, what are you doing? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to impress? It was time for me to be honest with myself. I had fallen back into my old habits. I was again trying to control what people thought of me. I was more concerned with the image I portrayed than being true to myself. I was doing things I didn’t want to do because it was the “right thing” to do. I was saying yes when I wanted to say no. I was putting on a smile when inside I was crying. I was eating to cover up the pain I was feeling. I had begun to distance myself from loved ones. I was pushing away the things I loved to cater to the things other people liked. I had allowed my need to control the situation or what others saw the situation to be (codependency) to take control of my life AGAIN.
I will do a video as well as write a blog about codependency; but for now – Codependency can be defined as an effort to control and/or manipulate a situation to get a result then getting mad when that result is not received. For example, showing unconditional love in hopes of getting it back. Offering forgiveness in hopes the person would see your pain and never hurt you again. Doing things not because you want to but because you don’t want to make someone mad.
My life was a mess and I didn’t know how to fix it. But I had to figure it out because I am Ms. Fix-it!! My life was out of control and it was driving me crazy. But I had to figure it out because I am Ms. Control-freak! I couldn’t understand how THIS could be happening to me, again. I ALWAYS tried to do what was right and what everyone expected me to do. (Or did, I?)
The facade was taking its toll on me and many days I just wanted to give up but knew I couldn’t because the people were looking. I was tired. I was tired of hurting. I was tired of lying. I was tired of wearing the mask. I was tired of acting like everything was okay. I was tired of trying to be everything for everyone. I was tired of trying to be the super-saint. I was tired of having to act like my life was perfect. I was tired – physically, mentally, and emotionally.
God has a way of sending you help in ways you least expect it. Someone commented on a prayer I had posted several months ago. In this prayer, I asked God to reveal the things in my life that I had put before Him and to give me the strength to let them go. To remove the comfort that I had found in them, so I would no longer desire them in my life.
I never expected Him to actually do it. I never expected this prayer to roll around and be a mirror for me. This was for my friends on Facebook – not for me. I was good. My life was perfect. I was doing just fine wearing my mask and encouraging others to take their off. I was doing just fine. But no, I had to post this prayer and God called my bluff! Wearing the mask became uncomfortable. Hiding the pain became unreasonable. And I had placed them all before the only person that could heal them.
You see it could have been just as easy for me to keep living that lie. I could have continued to deny myself an opportunity for God to work through the pain I was trying to cover up because I felt I had to impress someone. I could have stayed right there in that pain. I could have died in that pain or as a result of that pain. Sadly, many will.
Many didn’t make it but I was one of the ones that did. Many women remain in bad situations out of fear of what people would say. They stay out of fear of what they think the alternative will look like. They stay because someone told them to give it one more try. They stay because they think it’s the “Godly” thing to do. Some even stay because they have become comfortable in the pain.
I just want to ask you one question – Is your “comfort” worth living a lie and going to hell over? God loves you unconditionally and provides you with an opportunity to do whatever you desire; however, He said we should have NO OTHER GOD before Him. Has that man, friend, job, circumstance or situation become a god? Are you using a mask to cover up the hurt it’s causing? (Okay I said one question – I lied!) But don’t allow your mask or the situation you think you are covering up with your mask to replace God in your life. Be one of the ones that makes it. Be one of the ones that allows God to heal the pain behind the mask. Hey – we can do it together!!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Feb 28, 2017 | Fear, Growth
Although very transparent in some areas, I am very private in others. I don’t share things that hurt me because I’ve been taught that people use your weaknesses against you. I’ve also been taught never let them see you sweat and definitely don’t let them see you cry.
Well this morning was hard! And I really didn’t care who saw me cry. I didn’t care who gain knowledge from my weaknesses. And I didn’t care if they tried to use them against me. It was important to me that God heard my cry and that He understood my pain. Sometimes
you have to get to the point you don’t care who is around you. You don’t care who sees you. You don’t care if you get ugly. Sometimes you just have to lay before the Lord and cry out to God for help.
In the midst of my tears, God reassured me that He was there. He reassured me that He never left me. He gently rocked me in His arms and helped me to see that all would be okay. As I wiped my face and collected myself, I heard a bird chirping outside of my window. What an awesome reminder of His love and mercies!!
Even in the midst of the storm, God will send a reminder of His presence.
I’m reminded of the Bible story where Jesus was in the boat with the disciples and it began to storm. The disciples looked around and found Jesus asleep. They woke him up and asked if He cared that they may drown in the storm. Jesus stood up and said “Peace be still” and a peace came over the ocean and the storm faded away – just like that!!! Jesus then looked at the disciples and said “What are you afraid of? Do 
you have any faith?”
When things around you are chaotic, it’s very easy to “walk in fear instead of faith”. And even easier to forget that God is right there with you. Do I view the disciples different because they were afraid? Nope! Do I view you different when you are afraid? Nope! And I don’t look at myself different when I am afraid! Yes, God did not give us the spirit of fear. He has instructed us to lean NOT on our own understanding. There are many mentions in the Bible where we should TRUST HIM! So if I’m afraid does that mean I’m not trusting Him. I don’t think so. I think it is an indication I may have taken my eyes off of Him and placed them on my situation. It may be an indication I have begun to look at the size of my storm instead of the size of my God. It may be an indication it’s time to pray a little more. But it DOES NOT mean I lack trust in Him.
Does my fear mean I don’t have faith? Does it mean I don’t trust God? Nope, it means I am human!
The enemy would want you to think if you are afraid it shows a lack of faith. The enemy would want you to believe if you are going through a storm then you must have done something wrong. The enemy would even have you believe going through a storm means God has walked away from you. NONE of these things are true. Truth is God loves you and is concerned with every aspect of your life. Truth is some storms come in our lives to build our Faith. The Truth is God is always right there with you. Stop allowing the enemy to hold you captive to your thoughts. He is a coward and has no authority. You, on the other hand, were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were hand-picked for a time such as this. You have power over the enemy and his schemes because you, my dear, are a child of the KING!!!
So the next time you are afraid and feel as if everything around you is chaotic, stop and do an assessment. What has my attention? Who has my attention? Have I asked God for help? Am I listening to His instructions? You see regardless of what you go through; God is ALWAYS there! But if you listen to the sounds of the storm, you may miss His voice. It just takes His small, still voice to calm the storm around you.
Until Next Time
• if a woman says she is going through, her faith is questioned.
