by Coach Tina | Dec 29, 2016 | Focus, Growth
The year is coming to an end and everyone is trying to figure out what their “New Year’s resolution” will be. Many will make a vow to lose weight. Others will want to stop a bad habit. Others will work on goals that grow them as a person – going to church more, reading the bible more, going back go school. Don’t get me wrong those are all GREAT things to want to accomplish and what better time to start than at the beginning of the year.
It’s customary to start the year off with a list of goals we want to accomplish but somewhere around February we get slack and by April we don’t even remember what we put on the list. Or we’ve become so frustrated because we haven’t accomplished the goals that we give up and say FORGET IT!! Don’t give up on yourself so easily. Your efforts were on point it was your method that didn’t quite work. Below are 5 reasons why New Year’s Resolutions don’t work and how to set goals that you can actually accomplish.
- They are too broad. We set goals that are very general like “I’m going to lose weight this year”. Well what does that really mean? Truthfully if you lose 1 pound, you’ve accomplished your goal. If you lose 50 pounds and gain it all back, you’ve accomplished your goal. We have to be more specific. Here is a better way to generate the results you are looking for – I will become more aware of my health and find ways to have fun while improving my health. Make small goals that help you stay on track and see progress. Set accountability points throughout the year to make sure you are on schedule. If you are great!! If you are not, readjust the plan and keep pushing. Just don’t give up on yourself.
- They are unrealistic. We set goals that are unrealistic. We resolve to read the bible every night before we go to bed. But… we don’t even own a bible. We are using the bible that Grandma had sitting on the table in the living room. You remember, the one we weren’t allowed to touch growing up. Trust me I’ve made that resolution before too and by the time I got through all the “begot this one and that one”, I was done. A better approach would be to go to the bible book store and find a bible that caters to your needs. There are many versions available and some really good study bibles. Another thing is to find a bible study that you enjoy. There are several online bible studies that focus on specific issues. You may even find a local women’s study group that can help you. Take baby steps. No one said you have to read the whole bible in January!
- There are too many goals. At the beginning of the year, we make all these goals we want to accomplish and before we know it we aren’t doing any of them. Decide what you really want to accomplish this year. Note: You should only have 2-3 goals at a time. These goals should be things that must be accomplished in order to move forward to other things. You don’t want to say I’m going to go back to school, get a good job, buy a house, start a family, etc. If the end result is to get established and start a family but you desire to go back to school to get that started, the first thing would be to decide what you want to study and what school you would like to attend. My grandmother would say it like this, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Don’t rush yourself or you will never take the first bite.” Decide what comes first and then make that happen.
- There’s no accountability. As many of you know I love my vision boards. I make one every year and post it on my wall where I can see it every day. Not only does it remind me of my goals for the year but it keeps me accountable to myself. Because “I am that girl”, I’ve learned what works for me. Not only do I place my board on my wall for me to see, I place it where my family can see it as well. Because I offer vision board parties every year, I take my current and past boards with me to these parties showing goals can be accomplished if you commit to them. ACCOUNTABILITY at the highest – you can’t sell something you haven’t bought!!!
- You’re not ready. Many people will make a resolution because it’s what they feel they “should do” or “what others are doing”. Just because you decide you want to lose weight is not a reason for me to want to lose weight. Just because you decide you need to go to church more does not mean I’m not happy with the relationship I have with God. If you aren’t ready to make the commitment needed to accomplish the goal then DON’T MAKE THE GOALl!! When you are really ready to make the change in your life it will be a part of you. You will own it. It will not be difficult. It may be challenging but it will not be difficult.
Basically, resolutions don’t work because for the most part they are not authentic. They don’t line up with what you really desire. They don’t provide you the accountability you need to make the changes and well, they provide you with a way out. Every one of us have made a “New Year’s resolution” at some point in our lives and we have all heard they don’t work – what a perfect excuse to not commit to the change!!!! Well, let’s make this year different! Let’s set goals we really want to accomplish. Let’s make ourselves accountable. Let’s commit to only the things we are ready to commit to. Remember you can be the best version of yourself but only when you are ready.
Until Next Time,
Have you signed up to host or attend a Vision Board Party? Now is the time! Make this year the year you accomplish everything you desire.Click here for more information.
by Coach Tina | Dec 21, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth, purpose
Disclaimer: Many of you have heard my take on the Law of Attraction. If not, simply I believe in parts of the Law of Attraction, however, I don’t believe the “universe” manifest what occurs in your life. I believe your faith in God and His promises manifest life occurrences. Other than that, the Law of Attraction has proven to be very fundamental in my life and those I work with.
I usually begin working on my vision board around the end of November beginning of December in preparation for the classes I offer during the first quarter of the year. This year has been no different. Last week I took my current vision board off my wall and examined it. I went over each aspect as to identify what worked and what didn’t. What was accomplished and what wasn’t. What manifested from what I placed on my board in comparison to what actually happened.
If you follow me on social media, you know that I am a glass half full type of person and I strive to pour into people daily. I will be the first to admit there were some rough bumps in the road this year. Let’s be real there were some large man holes and I fell into some them. Although I wrote about them, I didn’t always make them public. The writings were to help me see areas in my life where I needed to surrender my will to God and move forward. You will find links thoughout this blog where you can take a glance at some of them. I’ve learned that through my transparency, not only was I able to heal but was able to help others seek healing as well. So, I don’t share them to receive sympathy or even empathy, I share them to help others see they are not alone in their struggles.
This year I was attacked in practically every area of my life. My health was challenged. My parenting was challenged. My morals and values were challenged. My marriage was challenged. My self-worth and the way I viewed myself was challenged. My insecurities were challenged. My spirituality was cha
llenged. My purpose was challenged. My deliverance was challenged.
I remember asking God, “why was all of this happening?” It seemed to all occur one after another. I didn’t feel under spiritual attack, this felt personal “real personal” and I was NOT winning. I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I was through!!! But over the last few days, I’ve come to understand, it wasn’t about me at all. The things I was going through was to teach me how to overcome obstacles so I could help others persevere.
Now back to the purpose of this blog. As I mentioned each year I create a vision board and choose a focus word to center my board around. This year was no different. I prayed hard to come up with the perfect word and once I had it, excitement flowed over me. The year before my word was PURPOSE and I was able to define my purpose. This year I would strive to master my purpose and “work my purpose”. So, what better word for this year than PERSEVERE!!! Persevere means to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.
After taking a hard look at my board, I sat in the middle of the floor and cried. I finally understood. I finally got it! The hurdles I faced this year were not to destroy me, they were to strengthen me. They were to build me. They were to strengthen my purpose and my belief in my purpose. They were to equip me with the tools I needed to help others. They were to push me. They were to grow me. They were to build a deeper relationship with God and to learn to trust Him and the process He was taking me through.
It was during my mother’s hospitalization that I learned I’m not superwoman and I don’t have to be. It was during the recovery of TWO surgeries that I learned selfcare is important (read about it here). It was my own choices that left me feeling defeated spiritually. God had not forsaken me as I had thought (read about it here). It was His love that keep me afloat and able to get through what seemed like one of my darkest moments and I had many this year. But God brought me through.
It was hard but looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned some valuable lessons. I learn to trust myself again. I learn to trust God again. I learned to be patient with myself and those around me. You see, creating a vision board is not just putting pictures or words on a large board. It’s providing a place for you to show God you are willing to make the steps as He directs your path.
I’ve heard from many that this was a tough year. If you are one of those, I encourage you to look at it from a different perspective. What did you learn this year? Did you grow? Did you move into a deeper understanding of who you are and what your true desires are? Did it make you rethink the way you “play” life? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you, my dear, did not have a tough year; you had a year of growth that pushed you to the next level. And above all – you made it!!! You made it to the end. Now what are you going to do with the knowledge you’ve earned?
With so many people offering vision board parties, I decided to do something different this year. This year I am encouraging you to “Host Your Own Vision Board Party”. I will be there to facilitate it. It will be just as strong if not stronger than any of the parties I’ve hosted in the past. But here is the thing… you will invite your friends, your women’s group, your peers, your colleagues – YOU CHOOSE WHO COMES. You choose the location. You choose the atmosphere. This is your event – I’m just here to make sure you leave with a vision for 2017!!!! This makes for a more intimate party and also provides you with accountability partners should you need the extra push throughout the year. Here is the link to see what dates are still available. I also encourage you to reach out to me as the dates are filling up fast. Click here to schedule your event.
If you are ready to allow God to grow you and push you to the next level, make a vision board. God has something miraculous in store for you. Allow Him push you forward and create an even better version of you. I’m here to help guide you to becoming the best version of yourself when you’re ready to do the work.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 29, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were willing to do anything to get it? You sought help from others to get it. You prayed about it. You fasted about it. When that didn’t work you whined about it. Then you complained about not having it. You get the picture – you were willing to do whatever it took to get what you wanted.
Many of us are going through life like that – we want what we want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. But what if what you want is not what God wants for you?
The Bible says God will give you the desires of your heart(Psalms 37:4), so sometimes that’s even the things He would rather you not have.
You see there are these fraternal twins called Perfect Will and Permissive Will.
Perfect Will is perfect. He is the perfect image of everything you could possibly desire. He is wonderful. He can be a little hard sometimes but once you
get over the hardness it is pure ecstasy. He displays the qualities of God at all times. He is full of compassion and lines up with the will of God always. It’s not always easy with Perfect Will but you are guaranteed to land where you were created to land. Perfect Will always walk according to the Bible and can back up what he talks about.
Permissive Will has it good points. He can be fun and alluring. Usually the life of the party and willing to change things to make sure you are having fun while in his presence. He can be very fickle and sometimes even temperamental. He has been known to be mild mannered and bull headed at the same time. Permissive Will can mirror God but don’t always have the character of God. Permissive Will can be tainted with the views of the world. He may show you to your destination but you may be too tired to enjoy it once you arrive.
Okay, I may have given some humor to it but hopefully you can see where I’m going with this. God gives us a perfect will but he also allows for a permissive will. You have a choice. You can do things the way He instructs you or you can do things the way you want to do them. He will not force you to follow His way but He will make it worth your effort to do so.
In Genesis 32:26, Jacob had toiled with the angel of God all night. He was desperate to get an answer from him. Are you willing to toil with God all night or until He blesses you? What if he told you what you wanted was not what he desires for you? What if he tells you to let go of some things you hold dear? What if he wants you to move to a place you have no desire to be in or move away from a place you are comfortable in? What if His perfect will for your life don’t look like what you thought it would look like?
God never told you it would be fair but he did tell you it would be worth it. He never said it would be easy but He promised to never leave you. He never said weapons would not form against you but he did say they would not prosper.
You have a choice you can follow the perfect will of God or you can follow the permissive will. You can receive the blessings of God the way He intended for you to receive them or you can received the watered down version because you aren’t ready for the real thing.
I’m holding on to the spirit of God until He blesses me with all His promises. I don’t have all the answers. I won’t do everything right. But thank God He is a God that offers grace and mercy to us all.
What will you follow today? Will you follow the perfect will of God or the permissive will of God? You may eventually get to the same place but will you be able to truly enjoy the blessings God has for you along the way.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 21, 2016 | Fear, Growth
Do you remember the Arsenio Hall Show? I loved the “things that make you go hmmm” segment. This week has been one of those weeks for our nation. All the senseless shootings and gas limitations. It makes you wonder what’s going on.
You see, I am not one of those super saints – I got questions. I know God will never put more on us than we can bare. I know there is a lesson in this somewhere. According to the bible these are signs of the end of time. I got ALL of that. I know we will never know the answer to everything that happens.
But when people are being killed by those that have vowed to protect them. When children are being killed by the person who helped bring them into the 
world. When young girls are found lying in the street and NO one seems to know what happened. It makes you wonder what in the world is really going on.
Well I don’t have the answer! I know my heart hurts behind it all. I know it makes me pray a little longer. I know it makes me call and check on my children more often. I know it makes me immediately pick up the phone and call someone that cross my mind. It makes me not take life for granted. It makes me remember tomorrow is not promised. It makes me appreciate what I have instead of focusing on what I don’t. It makes me work harder to forgive someone that has hurt me. I makes me want better instead of settling for mediocre. It makes me love a little harder. It makes me a little more compassionate. It makes me seek ways of understanding instead of letting it just be.
So with everything going on, could this be a time when God is trying to get us to focus on the things that matter instead of the superficial things of the world? Is He trying to get us to live a life of forgiveness and unconditional love? Maybe He is trying to draw us closer to Him when things just don’t make sense. I’m not saying God is causing all these things to happen (in fact I know He’s not) – what I am saying is He promised to make good out of all things and I have to believe in His promises. There has to be something good that comes out of this mess.
HMMMM… People are becoming more aware of their surroundings. People are looking into history to see where all this hatred actually stemmed from. People are holding their families closer. People are conserving their resources. People are becoming more compassionate to their brothers and sisters. People are standing in support of what they believe. But there has to be more.
Will people truly seek God for answers? Will we begin to pray more? Will we begin to love more? There has to be something not just good but great that comes out of all this pain… but what will it be? What do you think? Do you have any ideas of what we are to learn from this? Share your thoughts I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 9, 2016 | Focus, Growth
The words that came from your mouth set a fire inside of me. My first response was to lash back and demand that you see me. To demand that you hear me. To stand up for myself. To let you know it would not be tolerated. But soon I realized my words fell on deaf ears and regardless of what I said you were not going to hear it because you were caught up in your own feelings and mine really didn’t matter.
When a people lash out at you, don’t take it personal. They are coming from a place of need. The need to be heard, the need to be loved, the need to be accepted. If you are able to offer any of this, do so. If not, pray and ask God to help you be able to do so.
Growing up I was not one to fight, but I would use my words to combat and bring tears to those that hurt me. I was full of anger and anyone in my path could be subjected to it. As I grew into my adolescent years, the anger subsided and gave way to pain. I began looking to people to take the pain away. I believed that if I loved enough, gave enough of myself then in return I would get the same thing back and the pain would go away.
Well that didn’t happen, what I eventually learned was I had to love myself and then I could offer love from a place of abundance instead of a place of lack. When you find yourself unable to offer unconditional love, you need to find out why. The Bible gives a command to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44) and then it gives a promise if you do this “you may be children of your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:45).
I’m not saying in order to get to heaven you have to be subjected to abuse or mistreated but what I take these verses to say is, in order to have a chance of entering the pearly gates, you have to forgive those that mistreat you, love them and pray for them.
It’s hard to hate someone you pray for. It’s hard not to forgive someone you pray for. It’s hard to not love someone you pray for. Give it a try. Has someone mistreated you and you wanted to lash out at them or maybe you even did lash out at them? Stop what you are doing and pray for them. Not the vengeful pray that many are accustom to (God get them). NO!! Pray that God gives them the desires of their heart. Pray if anything is lacking in their heart, that it is fulfilled. Pray for their soul. Pray that God will use you to be a pray warrior for them.
You don’t have to be in the presence of a person to pray for them. All you have to do is be in a right relationship with God so He can hear the prayer you offer on their behalf. Now remember…. You can only truly offer love from an abundance. If you know there are things in you that aren’t right towards this person, ask God to clean you up first and then pray for them.
If this helped you at all, please leave a comment on my Facebook community page. I would love to hear your story. Don’t forget to share on social medial.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Sep 8, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
It is good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. Psalms 119.71
There are many scriptures in the bible that say how we are overcome by different trials in our lives, how trials come to make us stronger, and even that moments of despair can be good for us. I will never go against the Word of God – the Word is the Word. However, let’s talk about this, no one likes pain or to be troubled. In fact, most of us will do whatever we have to do in order to avoid a painful or troubling situations. So when I came across this scripture, I asked some questions “how can afflictions (pain) be good?” And “why do I have to go through them to learn a decree (a law)?” I don’t know about you but I prefer to learn in peace and happiness. But facts don’t lie, some lessons can only be learned from afflictions. I am not an advocate for corporal punishment, but I will be the first to admit when my children were growing up I used “the rod of correction”. I’m sure at some point we all have used a chosen punishment as a form of discipline with our children.
Why, then, is it not appropriate for God to do the same with us? I love my children but God’s love is far greater than mine could ever be. So surely, He would do whatever He has to do to show us that 
love, even discipline.
We have all seen that child who regardless how many times we tell them not to do something, they test the water and try it anyway. There comes a time when you have to take “verbal command” further and provide discipline to assist with understanding your request. Are you that child? Has God told you to do something or not to do something and you did it anyway? Have you placed Him in a position where additional discipline is required?
I’ve said many times before, “what God has for you is for you” however, why do you expect God to continuously reward you when you aren’t obeying His commands? Now don’t get all uptight, God is not like man, He will provide you with your needs in spite of you. The bible says He provides rain on the just and the unjust. But just think what He provides for those who obey His commands and live according to His will. One of my favorite verses is Psalms 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. Another version says “no good thing will be withheld from those that walk with integrity. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. God wants you to have the best of the best BUT He wants you to live a life of integrity.
So I have found another “favorite” verse. Although, I don’t like afflictions – I can look at them as God’s way of teaching me, of loving me, of correcting me. I know those afflictions are striping away my own desires and helping find His. They are helping me grow into the person He desires me to be.
Until Next Time,
