by Coach Tina | May 2, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Healing, purpose
Each day you get a chance to live. I know to some that statement could sound awkward or condescending. But you would be amazed at how many don’t believe they deserve to live or to have the desires of their heart. They have been forced to feel like the happiness of others is more important than their own. They have been made to feel their struggles are irrelevant or petty. They have been taught to put themselves last. They have been conditioned to believe that celebrating themselves or their accomplishments as boasting. They see their achievements as minute or insignificant. They make statements like “that little ol’ thing” or “that was nothing”. They have stopped living for themselves. So I want to remind you that you get a chance to LIVE – everyday!
When you’ve grown through stages where you haven’t been heard or people have led you to doubt your thoughts, it causes you to question your existence and your purpose.
Each one of us was born with purpose and an assignment. Our purpose is formed though life’s lessons, interactions, connections, and circumstances. They form through challenges and hardships. They become relevant through the people we have been assigned to. YES, you have been assigned to someone. To some purpose. To some objective. Your life was destined.
You were created on purpose, with purpose and for a purpose.
Many times, people will go through their whole life unable to articulate what their purpose is. Have you ever made the statement, “there has to be more to life than this?” Have you ever felt like you were just going through the motions and unable to figure out what you were supposed to do?
Most times it’s the thing you shy away from or avoid that will help you to articulate your purpose. Sometimes it’s the things people always come to you for advice about. Sometimes it’s the thing that comes easy. But it is there. Waiting for you to acknowledge it. Waiting for you to give it permission to present itself to you. See those close to you can already identify it but it may take time for you to see it as something special because you use it every day.
That little girl that was told she talks too much, could have a word to share with others but question herself because people have tried to silence her. The little girl that is always asking questions, could be forming a coaching business inside of her. She could become one of the best attorneys in the world. She could become a consultant that helps organizations reach the mases. Yet because she was told to stop asking so many questions, she hesitates to speak up as an adult.
What were you told as a little girl that you are allowing to hold you back from identifying your purpose and living your assignment? What have you allowed to keep you from showing up each day, fulfilled with a desire to live unapologetically and authentically? Do you find yourself hiding behind your challenges? Do you find yourself afraid to move forward because you don’t know what tomorrow will look like?
It’s time to FOCUS! It’s time to get out of your own thoughts and lean into the purpose and assignment you have been given. Regardless of what you have heard, IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU, it’s time to let your light shine brightly that it helps lead someone else down a dark path they’ve been afraid to travel.
So today, whenever you are seeing this blog, remember you get a chance to LIVE. You get a chance to be the light in your own life first and then the light in someone else’s. It’s through your living that you walk courageously through your purpose towards your assignment.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 25, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, Highlights, purpose
There’s a difference between feeling needed and feeling appreciated.
When a person or system needs you, they have an acceptance for what you bring to the table. They realize you fill a spot they 
don’t want to fill themselves or haven’t found someone else to do it in the manner you do it. BUT when they appreciate what you do, they don’t WANT anyone else to fill that spot. They realize you are the BEST person to do it.
So often we sit at tables where we’ve been needed but not appreciated. It’s time to excuse ourselves.
When my kids were younger, protocol was to ask to be excused from the table. Many times the dinner table was the only time we sat together as a family, shared highlights about our day, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. So to get up and walk away was deemed disrespectful to the moment and those at the table. Regardless if you were finished eating or not you remained in place until given permission to leave.
But now as adults, we no longer need permission to excuse ourselves. We’ve learned when it’s appropriate to step away. When the conversation no longer serves us, or when it begins to offend us, we have free will to remove ourselves. Yet many will remain out of fear that our absence would be offensive or that our presence will be needed. We’ve began to accept being needed instead of being appreciated.
We waited a long time to be invited to the table so we sit as long as possible even though it has served its purpose in our lives. Being invited to the table is an honor. Being accepted as part of the elite is the goal, right? NO! Being appreciated at the table IS THE GOAL!
Build your own table and stop looking for an invite. Not because you’re not needed at the table but because you deserve to feel appreciated at the table! That table could be a job, a relationship or a friendship or systematic norms. When you realize you are a placeholder, simply excuse yourself; exit left unapologetically. You have too much to offer to only be needed!
When you start to realize your worth you start seeing things different. When you value your worth, you stop tolerating less than you deserve. You are no longer a child, you no longer have to ask to be excused. Simply and politely (if warranted) excuse yourself and move on. You are enough. You don’t need the validation of others to create a space where you are appreciated. Show up each day with appreciation for yourself. And soon they will be asking to sit at your table.
by Coach Tina | Apr 18, 2022 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Gratitude, Growth, Healing, purpose
Yesterday is over and guess what? You are still here!
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It represents new beginnings and springtime. People dress in their fancy clothes. Kids run around high off sugar. For those in the Christian faith, we celebrate a resurrected Christ. And it’s the launch to my birthday celebrations.
However, the last few years I haven’t felt much excitement. Between the pandemic, my mom’s transition, turning 50, kids living their grown life and being single, I’ve really struggled! I slid my mask on in hopes no one noticed but the transparency in me demands honesty. I struggled and it’s been rough. 
Trauma presents as recurring grief that shows up when you don’t want it to and demands attention when you don’t have the energy to give it. The slightest memory can propel you back into a space you thought you had finally climbed out of. It can have you laying in bed with the blinds closed, eating bom-boms for days. It can have you withdrawn or lashing out at people who need your compassion and love. It can have you impulsive and moody. It can take you to a space that makes you sick of you. Which presents its own battle. And I felt ALL of that yesterday!
Yesterday the coach in me was fighting with the little girl in me and leaving me emotionally and physically drained! Part of me demanded the soldier to stand up while the other just wanted to be held and told everything would be okay. The battle between insecurities and empowerment had me questioning myself, my growth and all the hard work I had done. It had me listening to the imposter instead of the cheerleader. It had me feeling isolated instead of triumphant. Girl, I was drained. BUT…
As I sit here assessing the damage from yesterday. Yes I did damage! But that’s a conversation for another day, I’m reminded that it was Easter, an opportunity for a new beginning. I can’t change yesterday. But I CAN make amends for those that got caught in my emotional wrath. I CAN create a plan so I’m able to deal with it better the next time. I CAN learn from it. I CAN choose to create lessons from it. I CAN start over. Read that again – I CAN START OVER! and show myself grace. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.
I share my transparency so when you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, you will have a gentle reminder; Easter is always available! A resurrection is always an option as long as you are willing to get up!
Until next time,
by Coach Tina | Dec 10, 2021 | Abuse, Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, purpose
You are not self-centered! Read that again!
A call with a focused relentless, self-sacrificing, yet timid, guarded people pleaser revealed a woman struggling to pursue her dream of starting a business not because she lacked motivation; but because she was told it was selfish to devote so much time on something that would ultimately fail. 
Anger was not a strong enough word! I would need to seek legal council for the words and things I wanted to say and do to her abuser.
Every day, I see women make sacrifices to support the dreams of others. Yet sit on their own. In their minds they feel the idea is not good enough or they, themselves aren’t good enough. They can see the fire for others but can’t personally move past the negative self-talk that sounds like the voice of an abuser.
At some point in her life someone planted seeds of doubt and fear in the mind of my caller and it warped her 
ability to see herself achieve success. Now she had settled into a relationship with someone that did not want her to grow outside of the box they found her in.
This is yet another subtle display of abuse! An abuser does not have to hit you to abuse you.. if they can rob you of your ability to see better for yourself, they have accomplished their goal. Many abusers are aware if you see your true potential and walk in your assignment, they would lose their control over you. Remember abuse is all about control.
Pursuing your dream does not make you self-centered or selfish nor will it cause you to abandon those you love or upset those that love you. In fact it will build confidence, self-reliance and help you teach others how to treat you.
I contracted with that woman! I was determined to help her see her worth, take back her life and open her business. She did all three and is doing amazing.
Calls like that remind me why I do what I do. I am more determined than ever to build a system where women support, motivate and encourage each other to boldly pursue their dreams, walk with confidence and tendency and step out of a cycle of abuse.
I hate abuse. I hate abusers. But I despise a coward that uses fear to hold someone back from pursuing their dream.. oh wait that’s just another definition of an abuser.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Nov 8, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing
“Your lack of motivation or limited motivation is NOT because you are doing something wrong!”
Yes, that was the statement I had to say out loud and embrace as my current truth. I found myself trying to get motivated to do the things that I loved, yet it was not working. The harder I tried, the harder it became. I felt stagnant and unproductive. I felt as though I could not get it together. I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of. I felt as though those around me “should” see the disconnect. But they did not and that made me feel even worse. What the hell was I doing wrong??
Why was I feeling like this? Why couldn’t I bounce back? How did I get on this trail to nowhere? I could blame my lack of motivation on grief. Sadness. Depression. Stress. Overworked and underappreciated. Distracted. Having too many things on my plate. But #transparency I was struggling to articulate what needed and had resorted to old habits and allowed shame to keep me there! Talk about vulnerability! GIRL!!! That revelation was life changing!
I can motivate the hell outta someone. Have them making plans to visit the moon while helping them pack their bag; because I truly believe they were going. But I looked at my own packed bags and said “one day, I got to focus on my purpose and assignments, right now”. You see I wasn’t following my own advice. I had removed myself from my priority list trying to build my empire and help others do the same. I was showing up, but I was showing up to a party I didn’t need to attend at the moment. Can relate?
NOW, you know I’m all about building your empire. In fact, if you have followed me for any amount of time, you know my motto: “BUILD YOUR OWN TABLE and stop waiting to be invited to someone else’s!” But don’t be so focused on building that table/empire that once it’s built, you are to worn out to enjoy it! Take some me time. I mean totally unplug. Turn off the phone. Get a babysitter. Do what you got to do! Every now and then? NO! Absolutely NOT! put it on your calendar at least twice a month more often if it’s been a while since you’ve taken time for yourself! Because you ARE going to make excuses not to follow through. Learn to keep that appointment like it’s a doctor’s appointment! No exceptions! No excuses! Take the full appointed time. If it’s an hour, a day, a weekend, a week! Use the whole-time doing things that make you happy! Things that you don’t get to do often.
I just recently came off a TEN day vacation. I needed it. I had not taken a vacation since 2018 without having assignments or deadlines that I needed to make. I literally did not turn my computer on but ONE hour the whole time! That says a lot for me! People say, “you can rest when you die!” Hell NO! REST WHEN YOU NEED IT! That’s the only way you will be able to show up how you need to show up. That’s how you create a fulfilled life. That’s how your life stops just being tolerable. I promise the work will be there when you get back from your break!
I was overextending myself. Trying to be superwoman and Wonder Woman at the same time all while acting like Mary Poppins… falling apart but trying to wear a smile! Imagine that!
I saw this post: trying to heal, while trying to grieve. While trying to live, while trying to dream, while trying to smile. While trying to give love. While trying to be loved.” Trying to heal is work all by itself. Yet we’re expected to show up unbothered. I was bothered! I was tired. I just needed space to find the pieces and take off the mask. Get the book and you’ll understand that statement!
It’s time to uncover the truths. Time to stop lying to yourself and others. No, we ain’t walking around her like little raggedy Anne dolls but we are not showing up as our best selves either. We MUST set ourselves up for success by taking care of our own needs! I had to put in place my own accountability. Setting accountability don’t always require checking in with someone else. Learn to check in with yourself! Learn to become your own competition. Learn to say the hell with what’s expected and do what’s necessary for yourself. I extend this challenge to you. Join me cause challenges can be easier when you do it with others but it’s not necessary! I’m going to show up for me regardless. I hope do too.
Living Intentionally,
by Coach Tina | Sep 9, 2021 | Empowerment, Encouragement, Focus, Growth, Healing, purpose
You are better than what you have been told. It really don’t matter who told you, you weren’t good enough. Maybe it was words from an abusive partner, an envious friend, a micro-managing boss, a toxic parent, or your own critical thinking. Wherever you heard those words, realize they were a lie. You ARE good enough. In fact, you are better than enough. You are created with everything you need to be the best version of yourself. You are growing into a better version of you each day and the best is yet to be seen.
The true essence of who you are is developed in the tough moments no one wants to talk about.
- It comes through the pains and struggles.
- It comes in the moments that hurt the most.
- It comes when you want to give up but keep going anyway.
- It comes when you prioritize your own needs over the wants of others.
- It comes when you say yes to yourself and no to others.
- It comes during those long nights when you can’t sleep.
- It comes from the tears you release in the shower.
- It comes from persevering even after a failed attempt.
- It comes when you refuse to allow the version of yourself that you want to be to take the back seat to the person you was.
- It comes when you are tired and take time to recuperate. (Rest but never quit)
- It comes when you show up BOLDLY for yourself.
You are enough. You are enough right where you are. You are better than you were told you are. You are making changes that the future you will benefit from. All I need you to do is keep going. All I need you to do is give yourself your best. All I need you to do is love yourself through the process. All I need you to do is show yourself a little grace. All I need you to do is take it one day at a time, one hour at a time – heck, if necessary, take it one minute at a time. But don’t give up on becoming the version of yourself you desire to be.
Until Next Time,
