by Coach Tina | Aug 15, 2023 | Growth
Bob and Weave!! I can hear those words being yelled at me as my brother prepared me to stand up to the playground bully. He would throw punches and if they connected, he would yell, “Bob and Weave! Protect yourself at all costs. Never give anyone a clear jab at you. Make them work for it.” Then he would proceed to throw another punch. I got good. I soon was able to predict when the jabs were coming and was able to avoid contact.
Looking back, I realize that bully was a frail little boy, afraid of his own shadow and my fear allowed him to hide his insecurities. The things he used to torment me with, are the things women across America are paying for. My lips. My butt. My smarts. Only at the time I didn’t know they were assets; I saw them as liabilities that were used as ammunition from the enemy. For a moment I became a bully using my words to ward off the vicious attacks on the playground. As the bully was making his way to me, I would make sarcastic remarks about how he struggled with his schoolwork or how his clothes were dirty. Anything to keep him at bay and soon, he found another victim. I didn’t have to bob and weave anymore; I just needed to distract the opponent and make him work for it.
Soon that opponent became my own insecurities. Equipped with the lessons I’d learn from my brother and the playground bully, I learned to Bob and Weave avoid direct contact at all costs. Never allow them to get a clear jab at you. Make them work for it! So, when I would experience any type of pain, I would sweep it under the rug, put on my big girl panties and go into defense mode. I would act as though there was NO PAIN. I would do whatever was needed to bounce back from the sucker punch that connected and made me question who I was. This became normal practice. Soon it became the way of life, and I became stoic to anything that threatened to cause pain. It became something I would simply adjust to.
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I admitted I was a victim of my own defenses. I kept trying to figure out why I continually attracted toxic and abusive people into my life. Why I would dismiss those that didn’t mistreat me but hold tight to the ones that did. . Why I would settle for less than I deserve or desired. Why I would justify the behaviors of others but discredit or minimize my own successes.
To Bob and Weave is defined as a repeated attempt to avoid dealing with a problem. I would minimize my emotions or disappointments to avoid dealing with a problem or causing conflict. I would deflate or disassociate from the toxic behavior blaming myself for the misbehavior of others. I would isolate myself from anything that could appear too good to be true because I believed it would eventually cause some type of harm or pain. I would never give credit for my accomplishments because that would set me up for some type of failure later in life. I would highlight my own imperfections before someone else had a chance. I would only allow myself a moment to feel because anything longer could potentially cause a spiral in my emotions, and I would lose control. Yes, I am a control freak – even if control was gained by avoidance.
Trauma has a way of torturing you even through your healing process. I will never give into the trauma or its effects, but I have learned to give space to how I feel at the moment. As I navigate my own healing, I can see how childhood trauma set me up to accept traumatic episodes in my adult life. Now, I take the time to mother the little girl in me. I take time to check in with her and see what she needs at the moment. I try not to dismiss the feelings of hurt or disappointment. I try not to make her suffer again for her inability to bob and weave. I try not to become her bully or abuser. I try, which is all I can do at the moment. But the stronger I get the less I have to try. The stronger I get the more I can DO. No more bobbing and weaving. I’m facing things head on. I’m making a conscious decision to commit to my recovery, being patient with myself as I process the hurts and standing up to the bully even when it’s me.
As you go through your own self-discovery, it’s important to bring truth to the table and digest it. You cannot dismiss the mishaps that happened in your life and expect to be able to digest the things that are hard to swallow. You must chew them bit by bit and spit out the things that you no longer need. I will be the first to admit Bobbing and Weaving was part of my every day. Standing up to fear was and is difficult. But I know that some hits are necessary. They allow me to see how strong I am. They allow me to grow. They allow me to learn. They allow me to prepare. They allow me to stand firm in my own convictions. They allow me to set boundaries. They allow me to dismiss the things that no longer serve me. They allow me to be the person I am unapologetically. They allow me to be the BOSS – Bold, Optimistic, Strategic and Self- Reliant. They allow me to be the CEO of my own life. They allow me to demote, promote and terminate anything that no longer provides substance to my life. They allow me to be Tina – the woman for women.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Aug 15, 2023 | Growth
If you do a simple search online and type in Life Coach you will get a gazillion results. It’s almost the same on social media! And if you type in my name, you will see Tina Bailey, Master Life Coach – The Woman for Women.
The problem I have with coaching is there are no regulations associated with being a life coach. You can even take a course and receive a piece of paper certifying you a “Life Coach”. Don’t believe me? Send me a message and I’ll share a link with you. It is valid and credited. I use to GIVE it to my clients at no cost. Why? Because I know watching a few videos will NOT make you a coach no more than going to the hospital will make you a doctor! There’s steps to the game that requires a lot more than a piece of paper. You must be willing to put in the work. You must be willing to do the heavy lifting. You must be willing to be coachable yourself. And let’s face it most people in today’s society are looking for a quick fix and don’t want to put in the work required to learn the skill of coaching.
Therefore I quit calling myself a coach! Yes, I have over a decade of experience and many clients who to this day call me Coach T. I also have several certifications, TEN I think, but it was not those certificates that qualified me to coach. It was the lessons I learned along the way. It was the sweat and tears I shed as I listened to clients pour out their hearts when another attempt at a skill failed. It was trying to convince a client to keep going when they were under pressure. It was digging through my own pile of manure that equipped me to be a coach.
You see coaches help you accomplish goals but most of them don’t teach you how to deal with the obstacles that are outside of your control. Many of the ones that attempt to prepare you for the challenges, have crossed the line and are working outside of their pay grade as an unqualified therapist.
Don’t get me wrong you will look on my website and some of my brochures and see the words Master Life Coach. Basically that means I’ve studied several different types of coaching techniques and mastered the implementation of them. It also means I am certified to teach other coaches and I still do. I love working with coaches. I love helping them stretch out of their comfort zone. I love helping them develop their coaching business. I love seeing the excitement when they land their first client. I love when they see their program bring life and transformation into another soul. I love when they can look at their own work and be proud. I love the art of coaching. But I hate the lack of regulations that are associated with it.
At the time of this writing, I have trained several coaches, developed a program designed to equip coaches to build their own business, and I have several coaches that I refer clients to. I even have a handful of clients that I still work with on a coaching level. BUT my passion has changed. One will say, I still coach but I do more business to business transactions right now.
I believe I can reach more people, training than I can coaching. I can help others grow into their passion and be fulfilled in mine. I am not knocking the coaching industry – hell I support it with every thing I have and my business plan is evident of it. I just want to make it clear that obtaining a piece of paper does not equate to being a coach.
If you have a desire to be a coach, I would tell you to go for it. It is a very exciting and fulfilling job. But remember you are placing someone’s life in your hands. They are looking at you as the expert. As the person that can get them from point A to point B in the quickest amount of time as possible. Many of them have tried several alternatives and failed. You are sometimes their final hope. So if you are heart is not in it and you are only looking to make your next dollar, GET OUT! Leave this job to those of us that have a real desire to see others excel.
I will always be a coach. I will always hold my certification and credentialing dear and guard them. I will continue to put in the work to sharpen my skill. I will work even harder to help others sharpen their skills and become gifted at coaching. I worked hard for my title as Master Life Coach. But being a mentor and a consultant to businesses makes my heart smile.
Find the thing you love and you will never have to work.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 24, 2023 | Growth
Sometimes you must take a deep breath, remember who you are and move on! Everyone that crosses your path does not deserve access to you. Maya Angelou said it best, “when a person shows you who they are, believe them”. I say when a person reveals their truth don’t question it, just move on!
I’m not sure if it’s age, maturity, healing or just a DGAF attitude but something has changed over here. I went from that person ALWAYS trying to keep the peace to that person that realizes my own peace is the only thing I can keep. I went from that person that would give you the shirt off my back to that person that realized I don’t like being cold so you can’t have mine, but I will show you how to get one. I went from that person who tried to get you to see my point of view to that person that realizes you cannot change the viewpoint of anyone that does not want to see your side of the story.
I’m no longer willing to justify the actions of people that won’t take accountability for their actions. They revealed their truth and I ain’t questioning it! I’m going to take a deep breath, remember who I am and move on. I suggest you do the same.
There will always be at least one individual that will misinterpret what you say with what you have said or want you to return to the person you used to be. Somebody will attempt to play mind games trying to make you feel bad for giving them what they gave you. Listen!!! Anyone that has a problem with your boundaries is mad because they realize you are NO longer allowing them to reap the benefits of what you have to offer without showing reciprocity.
Girl, take a deep breath!
You have been gasping for air for way too long. You have jumped over backwards to make things work. You have put yourself on the backburner and cut the damn flame OFF! It’s time to re-ignite it.
It’s time to rise up. It’s time to claim your role as CEO of your own life. You don’t have time to focus on things out of your control. Your assignment is too big. When you focus on things outside of your control, you must take your mind off the things you can control. YOU, your peace, your happiness, and your money. Anything else is outside of your scope of influence.
You cannot give into the problems that affect your bottom line. I know that sounds harsh to the one that is struggling with setting boundaries. BUT, girlfriend, if you don’t make a conscious decision to put your needs before the wants of others, your needs will NEVER be a priority. You will find yourself eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (which is my favorite) while paying for someone else to eat sushi (which I hate). You will be gasping for air while holding the oxygen mask on someone else’s face. You will be building an empire for someone else while daydreaming about your own. NO ma’am.
Remember who you are.
You are the BOSS. You are the CEO of your own life. You make the rules of engagement. You decide who to give access to. You decide how you want the business to run. You decide who you want on your team. You decide who can sit at your table. You decide whose opinion is worthy of your time. You decide if you take a 3-hour lunch or work an all-nighter. Personally, I’m taking the 3-hour lunch because I’ve made sure to accommodate them in my business plan!
I’ve learned the opinion of people that have not walked in my shoes, pay my bills, or been asked to contribute to my thought process, do not get to decide how I show up in my own life. Again, maybe you can pencil this attitude into your own life and that’s your choice. But I promise you this, the person you are jumping through hoops to impress is not worried about how you feel about them.
Girl, take a deep breath, remember who you are and move on.
Yes, I waited to add the last part. Because moving on will be the problem for most of you. You have been groomed and conditioned to stay in situations way too long. You have been taught never to put yourself first because that’s selfish. You were told not to boost or brag. You were told to play nicely and never make someone else cry even if they made you cry. You were taught to share your last. Well, I call bull-ish! I’m tired of trying to pour myself a cup of water from an empty pitcher. Imagine that! I mean have you ever had your mind set on a glass of juice only to reach into the refrigerator and the container is empty. Man, you walk about disappointed and mad! Well, that’s exactly what you are doing when you put the wants of others before your own needs.
I will be the first to admit, I struggled with moving on. I was a people pleaser. I wanted to be liked. I thought I had to give to receive and give when I received. I thought my needs were not important. Well again I call bull-ish. The right people will reciprocate your actions. They will want to see you succeed. They will cheer your success. They will love you the way you love them. They will want to be a part of your team instead of making you feel like you must give up on your dreams because theirs need your attention. Again – these requirements are part of my business plan. If you are not reciprocating, you cannot stay.
It’s time to move on. Move on to bigger things. Move on to better things. Move on to happier times. Move on to living the life you truly desire. Move on from caring what someone thinks about how you run your business.
Your life is your business, and your business is your life! No one gets to decide what’s in the business plan but you.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 27, 2023 | Growth
Can you do me a favor? Think about your activities over the last month. What happened? What did you do? What stands out in your mind? Do you feel excited or anxious? Do you feel empowered or overwhelmed?
Seriously, focus on the emotion you feel about your month. Now, ask yourself, how much time did you spend building YOU? How much time did you spend on your career or your business? (YES, there is a difference!)
When you spend time building YOU, your business or career reaps the benefit! When you spend all your time focusing on your business or career, YOUR body and feelings take a beating! If you don’t take time to invest in yourself, no one else will either.
Now let’s go back to the original questions, what did you do this month? If all you can think about is the contracts you signed, the blogs you wrote, the clients you met with, or the to-do list that sat on your desk, you have missed it. Remember your goal is to give yourself a minimum of 10% of your time each month which equals 3 days. That’s NOT a lot of time but here you are with only THREE days left in the month and you have not invested in you.
What will you do this week that will help you grow as a person? Here are some suggestions:
- Go for a hike or walk
- Read or listen to a book
- Take a hot bath while listening to some soft jazz
- Have a glass of wine in a pretty flute
- Sign up for a class that you have always wanted to take
- Work on a hobby or connect with a social group that caters to your hobby
If you don’t invest in yourself no one else will either. You were NOT created to just work. Your life means more than that. You mean more than that. If all your time is focused on building a career or business, you will not have the capacity needed to run that business effectively.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jun 16, 2023 | Growth
Your procrastination is not my emergency. ~Tina Bailey
I hate being rushed. It makes me feel as if my time is not valued. It makes me think the person on the other end is only thinking about themselves and focused on getting what they need. I HATE IT!
As a Boss, whether you are the owner of a business or you are running your day-to-day life activities, I’m sure you have had moments where you felt someone was trying to rush you into making a decision that you would prefer to process first. Be careful when dealing with people like that. I call these people leeches and they will suck you dry if you allow them.
In a previous post, I talked about adding up the cost when making decisions. How much will this decision cost you? How much time will you need to set aside to accomplish the goal? How much energy will it require of you? Do you have the capacity to handle the task? What will you have to sacrifice to make it happen? Is the return of investment worth it? Those are hard questions; but, questions that MUST be answered prior to committing to anything.
The person rushing you to decide, could be a client, an employee or a friend. How do you handle it? Most people that rush you to make a decision have not added up the cost on their end and are rushing to meet a personal deadline. Newsflash: That is NOT your problem.
Many reasons you feel obligated to be rushed is. You have not –
- Established a proper relationship
- Established boundaries
- Identified Key Performance Indicators
- Added up the cost on your end
When you rush to make decisions or rush to do a job, you don’t give it your best. When you don’t do your best, it affects you. So slow down. Make sure you are positioning yourself to show up as the best version of you. Your time and energy are YOUR priority. Remember all money ain’t good money and all connections will not result in a relationship. Decide how you want to proceed and set the pace for how you want it to work. When you move at your own pace, a better version of you will show up. Never allow the procrastination of someone else to become an emergency in your life.
Until Next Time,
