Are You The Boss or The Employee?

by Coach Tina | Jun 12, 2023 | Growth

Let me say, entrepreneurship is NOT for everyone! Many people that start a business are looking to make quick money, free up their time, trying to solve a problem. If you have started or are thinking about starting a business, I hope you are doing it because you want to solve a problem. Because the other two are myths!

But this post is NOT about starting a business. It’s about being the BOSS – being the boss of your own life. Remember your life is a business; but until you start showing up in your own life as a BOSS, you will continue to live like an employee in it.

Showing up like an employee will have you constantly looking for opportunities to advance someone else’s agenda instead of your own. You will do things based off what others want from you instead of what you need. You will never see what you do as enough because you are comparing it to what someone else has posted on social media. You will not be able to answer the hard questions about why you are doing what you are doing.

However, as a BOSS, you decide what gets your attention, what you invest your time in, how you spend your day. You do the things you enjoy instead of the things you have to do. You know why you are doing the things you do and enjoy doing them. Sounds sweet, huh?

Are you living like a boss or are you living like an employee? If your to do list has more things on it that helps move others forward while you sit in the same spot, you are living like an employee. If your calendar is filled with tasks that someone else could do, you are living like an employee. If you dread waking up because of all the things needing your attention, you are living like an employee. And it’s time to stop.

One of the first things I do when I start working with a client is have them complete a time audit. I need to know how much time is available for their goals. I don’t want to assume they have 5 hours a week to work on their goals, if in essence they only have two. I don’t want to assume they understand the importance of putting themselves on their own to do list. I don’t want to assume they can schedule time to work on the goals we have set up for them. I don’t want to assume anything; I want to see it on paper.

So, I ask you, how did you show up last week? Did you put yourself on your to do list? Did you schedule some self-care last week? Going to get a pedicure is not self-care; that’s maintenance. But I digress. Did you accomplish your weekly goals or did the wants of others monopolize your time?

Outside of knowing how they are using their time; I’ve found most of my clients don’t accept accountability well. And before you jump in your feelings, let me explain. We all are accountable to something. Most of the time it’s the consequences of our choices – I retract that statement WE ARE ACCOUNTABLE TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR CHOICES. You can listen to my latest podcast episode for more information on that.

When you live your life like a business and show up as a boss, you make decisions differently. You will ask yourself the hard questions, prior to committing to anything. You may ask questions like:  Why am I doing this? How will this serve me? How much of me am I willing to devote to this? How much time do I have to devote to this and is there a return on my investment if I do this? Is this going to get me closer to my goals? Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel obligated? We will talk more about showing up as a boss on the next BOSSUP Podcast episode. Make sure you tune it. But for now, I just need you to ask yourself: Am I showing up as a boss or an employee? Am I willing to accept accountability for my choices? Am I making the best choices for me? No one can answer these questions for you, but I will say this if you are feeling overwhelmed or unfulfilled in your life, you probably have employee written on your shirt instead of BOSS.

If you want more of my opinionated ideas about being the CEO of your own life, subscribe to the BOSSUP Podcast where I new episodes every week.  Chat soon!

Until then,

Is That Depression?

by Coach Tina | May 26, 2023 | Growth

Depression and unhappiness is NOT the same thing!

In today’s society, depression has become a buzz word that people take to describe a feeling of unhappiness or discontentment. Many times it’s used because there’s no other way to explain what you are feeling.

Depression is a clinical illness usually followed by thoughts of suicide or a desire to “disappear”. It is an independent sadness that continues for a duration of time and nothing seems to help it subside. Most individual isolate themselves and detach from things and people. Depression is an unbalance of emotions and is a philosophical mental disorder.

Unhappiness, often misinterpreted as depression, is a state of mind. It usually comes and goes as your activity changes.  Your unhappiness can be altered by an activity where depression cannot.

I share these differences from personal experience not as a mental health expert! I’ve battled with depression and have had a lot of unhappy days.  Knowing the difference was a game changer.

I do not minimize either but I do put emphasis on knowing the difference.  When your symptoms of sadness last longer than a few days, you cannot pinpoint the cause,  you no longer want to be around people or your desire to live ceases, it’s time to seek clinical help. No questions asked.

However if you are dealing with feeling of sadness because you are lonely or bored, it’s time to change your environment.  You are not a tree you are not required to remain in a space that no longer inspire or motivate you.

Survivors of trauma, especially, tend to ride the rollercoaster of unhappiness because it has become their norm. They have lived with emotional dysfunction for so long it becomes engraved into their thoughts and way of living.

If you’ve experienced trauma, and most of us have, sadness or unhappiness has occurred. If you’ve lived a life of chronic trauma: domestic abuse, sexual assault, multiple deaths, PTSD, etc., you’re probably living in survival mode and don’t realize  it. Survival has become your norm and depression can easily set in.

But you have to do the work, acknowledge where you are, seek help and identify the root cause of your sadness. Maybe it’s a person,  maybe it’s a thing or environment but you must be willing to let it go. You cannot not heal in the same place that hurt you.

I’ll be the first to admit; the worst pain you will ever experience is a pain you can’t explain. But you have to find the words. You have to dig inside, be honest with yourself and do the work. Be selfish enough to fight for yourself and your peace of mind. Survivors are accustomed to putting everyone else first. Well your happiness has to come first. You are NO good to anyone when you are unable to function at 100. Stop giving pieces of you. Stop accepting pieces of happiness.  You deserve all of it.

Are you depressed or are you unhappy? Is it clinical or is it situational? Do you mood change around certain people? Are you able to alter your emotions by changing your environment?

If you are depressed nothing changes your mood.  When you are sad or unhappy, environmental changes affects your mood. So the next time you are feeling sad, be honest with yourself. What are you feeling? Did something provoke those feelings? Address the issue instead of sitting in a space of acceptance.  You do not have to accept sadness as a part of life. You are the CEO of your life; terminate (get rid) of what’s no longer serving as a source of happiness in your life.

Until next time

Coach or Consultant? You tell me…..

by Coach Tina | Feb 21, 2023 | Growth

Should you hire a coach or a consultant? Depends on what you see as the problem.

The terms coach and consultant have become very blurred. BUT for those in the field, WE know the difference! A coach takes you from point A to point B by encouraging you to make the best decision for your outcome. This is usually personal.  A consultant is an expert in a particular field. They have analyzed the problem and will provide you with strategies to fix the problem. They provide solutions, not support or guidance. This is usually associated with your business.

As a life strategy coach, I tend to wear both hats at times. But I make it crystal clear without apology that I will coach you as if your life is a business! Your goals are part of a development plan. You are upper management and everyone else is either a partner, an employee, or a client. Every decision you make moving forward must contribute to your bottom line. If it’s not serving you, why are you doing it. That is a consultant mindset.

I know it can be confusing. If you have been around me long enough, you know I teach on having a life business. Which is where you take on the mindset that your life is in fact a business and you are the CEO running it.

If you don’t like the return of investment that your business is providing, meaning you are not satisfied with your current life situation, it’s up to you to create a new strategy to move it in the right direction. I am here to help you do just that.

My ideal clients are women in executive roles, those seeking to start a business or those currently in an entrepreneurial capacity looking to bring harmony to their lives.  If you fit in either of these categories, please reach out I would love to talk with you.

Until Next Time, 

The Truth About Anxiety and Depression

by Coach Tina | Jan 18, 2023 | Growth

If you find yourself dealing with anxious thoughts, unexplainable or uncontrollable sadness, moodiness, and frustration because of it, this blog post is for you.

First let me say I AM A STRATEGY COACH NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL 

More and more of my clients have expressed how anxious they’ve become over the last couple years. I’m not a betting woman but I’m willing to bet it’s connected to the world being thrown into a pandemic and our inability to control things around us.

Stress is real. There is not a person on this earth that has not experienced some type of stress in their life. And just as many, that have stressors they are unaware of.  Women often minimize their stress while men ignore it all together, which is not good for our mental health. But can we dig into the need women have of minimizing stress.

Most women wear multiple hats at the same time. We’ve become desensitized to our body’s gentle signs of stress and need more aggressive signs. The gentle nudges could look like slight tightness in our shoulder or neck, a dull headache that don’t go away quickly, isolating ourselves from family and friends, not doing the things that normally would make us happy or excited, fatigue, constantly declining social invitations, working long hours to stay busy, inability to concentrate, avoiding phone calls, disruption in our normal routines, clutter, etc.  The extremes could look like severe headaches or migraines, body pains, heart palpitations, mood swings, panic attacks, depression, uncontrollable crying, high blood pressure and the list goes on. Even though we experience the extreme, we keep going because that’s what we have conditioned ourselves to do.

Our conditioning has become the backbone that pushes us to perform day to day activities without interruption despite the extreme anxieties our body is screaming at us. The stress of the next performance or activity is pushed away with an overwhelming desire to perform and do well.

Women have this superpower of making it all seem easy, while suffering on the inside. Many of us have been going 1,000 miles a minute for so long, that when the world shut down and forced us to slow down, it disrupted our ability to cope.

As the days continued the anxieties became more apparent and frustration of not being able to shake the anxious feelings made us even more anxious. It’s a vicious cycle. But if I can be honest, much of our anxiety comes from our inability to control what’s happening. We want it stop on demand. We want it to go away by willing it to go away. And when it doesn’t, we panic. We are so accustomed to sweeping our feelings under the rug that not being able to frustrates us.

Well, that frustration only fuels it more. The way to deal with anxiety and depressive thoughts are to face them with professional help. They are NOT going anywhere until you do.  Minimizing what your body is experiencing is not helping. Once you are at the height of an attack, it’s a wave you must ride. The key is to prevent it from getting to that point and I will share some tips I’ve learned to cope.

But first what do you do when you are in that attack.

• Reach out to a professional. Your friends are NOT equipped to handle a panic attack. They may have the best intentions but if they are not trained professionals, they are best holding your hand while you speak to someone that is.
• Be Gentle. Don’t beat yourself up because of what you are experiencing. Every woman in this society, experiences some level of stress every day. If there are other factors added to it like being a woman of color, a survivor or victim of domestic abuse, sexual assault or trauma, a mother, a wife, a caregiver, an employee, the level of stress is heightened. So be gentle. Remind yourself baby steps are still steps.
• Take deep breaths. You may think this does not help but it does. Take a deep breath through your nose for 5 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds and slowly blow it out of your mouth. The sensation of focusing on your breath and the distraction of doing so in 5 second increments could be enough to calm your heart rate down and release the extreme anxiety.

Let’s avoid them if possible. 

There are tools all over the internet that help with dealing with anxiety and depression. But the best way is to identify the triggers that cause your anxiety and how your body reacts to them. Once you have identified what triggers you and your body’s reaction, you can possibly avoid an attack.

One of the major tips I will offer for dealing with triggers and reactions is having a toolbox of things before you need them. My toolbox includes a playlist of songs that make me happy, a coloring box, list of friends that make me laugh, podcast or videos that make me laugh, workout videos, a list of places I want to visit and of course, my therapist’s phone number.

Another tip that helped me was the power of saying NO.  Saying No when I wanted to say no was a game changer for me. Doing things I didn’t want to do was a major stressor for me. But when I mastered saying NO, things became a lot less stressful. Please note this as well, NO does not need an explanation. It is a sentence all by itself.

You are not in this alone and you don’t have to fight it alone. There are many support groups that specialize in anxiety and depression. But should you just need a space that allows you to lay down the cape for a moment, where there is no judgement and lots of head nodding as we listen, we offer you a personal invitation to our peer support group, Release, Relate and Breathe.

Stay safe. Stay encourage. And know together we can normalize talking about the things that bother us.

Until Next Time,