I struggled with writing this blog this week. You see, I always want my blogs to be uplifting or transforming. I want them to encourage and push you into being the best version of yourself that you can be; however, this week I found myself constantly having to start over because of a heaviness on my heart.
This week we have heard about a man admitting to shooting his girlfriend, we heard about a man beating his wife with a stool over a social media post, we heard were a man pushed his stepson in a scalding hot tub for “misbehaving” in preschool, we heard where a woman was stabbed to death by her boyfriend for threatening to leave him, we heard about a woman fatally shot by her boyfriend one hour after she bailed him out of jail for assaulting her days before. The news also stated that while drug bust and drug related crimes hit the headlines each week, domestic violence crimes are just as big of a problem if not bigger (News800.com)
Domestic Violence has been around a long time. It’s nothing new. In fact, we can track it as far back as biblical times, Judges 19:1-30 is just one example (focus on 25-30). It just seem that now people are getting bolder and have a lack of remorse about what they do.
I wish I could say I understood what would cause a person to mistreat another person, but I don’t. I wish I could say I didn’t understand what would cause a person to stay with someone that mistreats them, but I can’t. I wish I knew a way to end the violence, but I don’t. All I know is, it’s time for it to STOP!
With each generation, the abuse is becoming more and more graphic and demeaning. People are killing the people they say they love over hear-say. People are losing their lives over lies. People are taking their own lives out of fear of what someone else may do to them. And we are continually teaching our kids to accept being degraded by words and actions and taught to move on at the mere mention of an apology. I don’t feel just saying “I’m sorry” is enough. I don’t feel a continuation of everyday life as you know it is appropriate when your actions have changed the life of the person you assaulted.
As a survivor of assault, I understand the struggle the victim faces each and every day. How they blame themselves for the mistreatment. How they try to figure out what they could have done differently to avoid the situation at all. They play over and over in their head, not only the actual assault but the moments that led up to and the moments afterwards. They are inflicted with a constant sense of disgust and anger towards themselves. They are embarrassed because they constantly tell themselves they should have known better or they should have done something to prevent the act. But what they struggle the hardest to do is forgive themselves and realize it wasn’t their fault.
So the next time you read about a “victim of domestic violence”, please don’t question why they stay. Please don’t try and give them reasons why they should leave. And please don’t remind them of the act in which they have endured. Instead remind them that “this was not their fault”. Remind them they are good people that deserve to be treated as such. Show them love and compassion. Be patient with them. And above all show empathy, the one their abuser could never do.
Until Next Time,