by Coach Tina | Apr 29, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
Are you happy? I mean genuinely happy. What does happy look like to you? What does happy feel like? Does being happy require assistance from someone or something? Can you be happy all by yourself?
I know so many questions but I’m just curious. We all say we want to be happy but no one can explain what “happy” is. People have a hard time explaining what it looks like or even what it feels like. We are quick to have millions of thoughts about what it is not but no one can put into words “WHAT IT IS”.
Some would say happy is smiling. Some would say happy is having money. Some would say happy is being around people you love or that love you. Some would say happy
is laughing. Some may even say it’s knowing that everything is going to be okay. But what is happy to you?
I have to admit something… this was a trick question! My definition of happy and your definition of happy can and probably will be two completely different things. There may be things in life that may contribute to my happiness that could make you angry. For example, I don’t care for crowds. They tend to drain my energy. I find myself much happier when I am sitting quietly reading a book. But there are people who sitting in a quiet room would be torturous for them.
My whole point is your definition of happy is your definition no one else’s. What makes you feel happy can only be determined by you. So many times we look at what others are doing and think “if I could do that then I would be happy”. If my relationship was like that – I’d be happy. If that was my job – I’d be happy. If I lived there – I’d be happy. Stop doing that!!!! Because you really don’t know if that person is happy or not (looks can be deceiving).
Remember everything you need to find your happy place can be found inside of you. If you don’t get anything else out of this post – understand NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY. There is NO outside force that can make you happy – so please stop fooling yourself. Happiness comes from within. Your happiness can only be felt by you. Yes, other may be able to contribute to your happiness. They may even be able to see the results of your happiness but they will never be able to feel your happiness.
I found these quotes and wanted to share them with you –
Happiness is something that you are and it comes from the way you think. Wayne Dyer
Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling. Margaret Lee Runbeck
Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi
Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting some on yourself. James Van Der Zee
Stop looking for others to bring you happiness. They don’t have the power to do it. Stop expecting your happiness to look like someone else’s. It never will. Stop expecting things to make you happy. They never will. Instead share a bit of happiness with others and watch it explode inside of you.
But we still have to ask what is HAPPY? Happy is the excitement that wakes you up in the morning and the satisfaction that rocks you to sleep at night. Happy is the feeling of contentment that you are living a “no regrets life”. Happy is a life time of sweet aroma that passes by ever-so-often. Happy is what gives you the strength to go a little further. Happy is the sunshine after the rain. Happy is whatever you make it and whatever feels good to you. Your happy was created just for you and can only be enjoyed by you.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 22, 2016 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth
Another one of America’s musical legends died this week. The death of Prince Roger Nelson seem to have taken the world by surprise. If you look over social media, you see so many different responses from sadness to anger. People are slipping into depression. Some are “demanding” answers as to how he died. While others are simply flooding the airwaves with his music. Whatever you need to do to cope with the death of this maestro, is completely fine and warranted.
Although I wasn’t a huge fan, I did enjoy his music. One of my favorite songs was “Purple Rain”. If I can be honest, I think it was the significant things that happened around the time the song came out. When the movie Purple Rain was released, my mom allowed me to go with my friends. This was the first time I had been able to go to the movies “alone”. Yeah, my brother was in the theater but he didn’t sit with us. So to me it was 
part of my history in the making!!!
Okay, sorry I digress. I was also excited about going to the movie hoping it would shine some light about what the song was really about because honestly I was confused. Okay, don’t act like I’m by myself on this one. Until that movie came out we all was trying to figure out – what in the world is Prince talking about?
The movie gave us all the impression that it was about his sexuality and the way he dealt with the controversies in his life. It also gave us the impression the song was about the love he had for some girl. Some even say he was releasing the woman he loved to live her life anyway she wanted and that he would always love her. Well, whatever you decide the song means to you is probably true. But I want to look at some things with you because I feel he was telling us all to find the “Purple Rain” in your life.
Let’s look at some of the words of the song…
I never meant to cause you any sorrow I never meant to cause you any pain I only wanted to one time to see you laughing I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain
Purple rain, Purple rain, Purple rain, Purple rain, Purple rain, Purple rain I only wanted to see you bathing in the purple rain
Honey, I know, I know I know times are changing It’s time we all reach out for something new, that means you too
Purple rain, Purple rain, I only want to see you in the purple rain
With all the hurt in the world. With all the controversies. This week a young girl lost her life because a group of her peers jumped her. History is being made with Harriet Tubman being added to the face of the $20 bill yet racism is at its all-time high. People are becoming bold with their disregard for God and sanctification. So what is this “purple rain”? I believe Prince was being very strategic with not only this song but with most of the songs he wrote. He was giving us a glimpse of what he saw to be the true demise of the world. It would be destroyed by the lack of willingness we have to love unconditionally.
In the first verse here says “it wasn’t meant to cause sorrow or pain”. Love should be the catalyst for bringing this world together but instead it is the love man has for his own desires that is tearing it further and further apart. Next, it says “times are changing and it’s time to reach for something new”. People don’t want to see change. They are stuck in the past and wanting things to remain the same. When he talks about “purple rain”, he is specific. He says he want to see the person “bathing” in purple rain. He wants to see the person “in” the purple rain. I believe the purple rain Prince was talking about was peace. A place of comfort. A place of refuge. A place where you are happy. And he didn’t want it to be a place you could go in and come out unchanged. When you are bathed in something you come out smelling like it. When you are in something, it becomes a part of you.
What is your “Purple Rain”? What is your place of solitude? How can you use this time to spread love instead of sorrow and pain? Will you be the change the world needs? Will you let the world see you “walking in the purple rain”??
Until Next Time
by Coach Tina | Mar 28, 2016 | Encouragement, Focus, Growth
You ever had those days where it seems you just can’t hear from God. You’ve prayed, you’ve fasted and then prayed some more. But nothing…. You want to say “Hey, is this mic on?”
Let me help you, my dear, God heard you! He heard you the first time, he heard you the second time and he heard you this time. And in most instances, He has given you the answer you just didn’t want to accept that answer. It wasn’t what you wanted to hear. You wanted something like “it’s not your fault” or “I’ll handle it” or “it’s on the way”. But what He said was “you ain’t ready for that” or “now is not the time” or “you need to stop doing that first”.
Listen so many of us have this image of God in His long, white robe, smiling, passing out blessings. We go to Him with our hands outstretched expecting an immediate answer to the problem we have been holding on to for years. I have a question. Why didn’t you go to God before it became a problem? Why didn’t you ask His thoughts when it was just a thought in your mind? I’ll tell you… because it was what you wanted to do. It felt right. It felt good.
You see that’s the problem with sin. Sin keeps you trapped by making you feel good. If it didn’t feel good, who would want to do it? If it wasn’t appealing, who would stay in it? I’ve never known a person to remain in any situation that wasn’t offering some type of benefit. But don’t you realize every benefit is not a good benefit.
Okay, I’m off my soapbox but let’s be real, we have to put in some work to get what we want in this life. The bible says “I come that you may have life more abundantly”.(John 10:10) Okay, let’s break that down. But first let’s go back to the beginning of the verse – The enemy comes but to steal, kill and destroy. The enemy’s plan is to strip you of your hopes, of your dreams, of your desires. He wants to leave you with nothing. And he will use anyone willing to help in his scheme.
But God says oh no, I come that you may have life more abundantly. God is saying the life you desire, I want more than that for you. I want the best for you. I want you to have more than you can hope for. More than you can dream possible. More than you could ever desire. He says you see I knew you when you was in your mother’s womb. I have plans for you!!!
Now what that abundant life looks like to me may be different than what it looks like to you. And I guarantee what it looks like to us is different than it looks to God. You see God has a plan for you. And anything you place in your life that will hinder you from accomplishing that goal will not be comfortable and will not lead you to the abundance you desire. So when you go to God asking for something and you don’t get the answer you desire… ask yourself “is this request helping me with the plan God has for my life or will it be a distraction?” If you are continuously praying for something and feel you haven’t received an answer, maybe you need to accept He may be waiting for you to line up with His plan.
God is faithful and loving AND He really wants to bless you. But you have to position yourself to receive the blessings. Don’t ask God for that man that belongs to someone else. Don’t ask God to clear up your debt when you are constantly purchasing unnecessary things. Don’t ask God for a new job when you don’t go to the one you have on time. Don’t ask God for a new car when you don’t take care of the one you have. But more importantly, God isn’t concerned with your stuff. Stuff will come and go. I guarantee anyone that has left this earth could care less about the ‘stuff’ they left. God is concerned with your soul and what you are doing to be a witness of Him to those He place in your path. All of us may never enter a pulpit – some will never even go into a church. But the life you live before those in your circle will be a testimony of what God is doing in your life. Your life can be an example of the abundance the bible talks about. The way you love unconditionally. The way you help those that can’t help themselves. The way you forgive. The way you smile just because there is peace and joy on the inside. You see that is the abundant life that He has for you – peace and joy! Not stuff!
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 25, 2016 | Encouragement, Growth
Today is…
To some it merely means a day off work. To some it means an extra day to go shopping and prepare for Easter Sunday. But for those that understand what happened on that Friday, this is a bitter-sweet day.
On this day, they put nails in my savior’s wrists and feet then hung Him on a cross. On this day, they insulted Him and beat Him. On this day, they gave Him vinegar to quench His thirst. On this day, He bowed His head and died. On this day, they placed His body in a tomb. On this day, God had to do what He promised never to do again, He turned His head away. But then it was this day, the Jesus recognized I would need help so He sacrificed His life to save mine. It was on this day, the enemy lost all power over the lives of God’s people. It was this day that allowed us all an opportunity to see God one day. It was Him giving up His life so that I can have an abundant life. So on one hand my heart is sad but on the other I’m forever grateful.
We talk a lot about a “sacrificial praise”. We even sing the song “Sacrifice of Praise”. Many of us will go to church today, tomorrow or Sunday and wave our hands, lift our voices all in the name of offering a sacrifice of praise. But the ultimate sacrifice of praise God desires is your soul. Not just the words, not the little cute post on social media, not just the outward expression or what you think people will see, He wants it ALL. He desires when someone has mistreated you, you can forgive. He desires when you have little, you can share. He desires when you are talked about, you can pray instead of retaliating. He desires when you don’t feel like it, you can do the right thing. He wants all of you. He wants the best of you. Not just the parts you want to give, He wants the part you think you are hiding. The lying, the stealing, the lust, the smoking, the cursing, the drinking – ALL OF IT!
We are all excited about Easter Sunday or Resurrection Sunday. We will walk into the church with our Sunday best. We may even drop a tear as the preacher reminds us of what took place during this season. But what about Monday, will you take the time to truly give thanks for the sacrifice of life that was made for you. Remember God sent His ONLY son… Jesus left the comforts of heaven…all so that we would not have to die for our own sins.
So instead of focusing on what pair of shoes will go with that dress, how you want your hair done, what color the family will wear this year, or complaining about how early you will have to get up in order to arrive at church to get a seat, how about asking yourself “what is God asking me to give up” or a better question “what am I willing to give up”?
Wishing you all a Happy Easter and a Reflecting Resurrection Sunday.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 3, 2016 | Growth
I can’t take anymore!
I have too much to do!
Are You Overwhelmed?
I will never finish!
I’m tired!
I must be crazy or something to have thought I could do this!
I can’t be everything for everyone!
I wish I had some help!
I can’t do everything!
I’m doing the best I can!
Do any of those statements sound familiar? Have your everyday task become overwhelming? Are you “too busy”? Are your responsibilities taking over your life? Do you find there are too many things to do? If only you had a few extra hours in the day… Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will NEVER get more hours in the day. But I have good news for you – you have all the time you NEED to do the things you have to do!
It’s clearly a matter of changing your thinking and how you deal with projects. There are basically two types of people in the world (and of course those that think they are a combination of both):
The Result-oriented thinker. They focus on the end results. The Process-oriented thinker. They focus on the process needed to accomplish the end result.
Here is an example: A result-oriented thinker will say I have to clean my house. They focus their attention on everything that has to be completed and the time needed to accomplish it. They usually keep a running list in their mind of the things to accomplish. Usually resulting in them becoming frustrated, irritable and overwhelmed. Because of these feelings of frustration, most result-oriented thinkers get little done. A process-oriented thinker usually has composed a list of things needed to clean the house. They choose one thing at a time and focus on it. If they are cleaning the kitchen, that’s what they focus on, the bathroom and so forth. They don’t focus on the time it will take. They usually get more accomplished because they focus on small accomplishments providing them more victories.
You see when you focus on the big picture you become overwhelmed and ultimately give up; therefore, NOTHING gets accomplished. My grandmother would say it like this “You will never eat the elephant focusing on its size”. Instead of focusing on all the things you have to do, do one thing at time and enjoy your accomplishment.
Being overwhelmed is a CHOICE!
I know that sounds harsh but it’s a reality!! You are overwhelmed because you decide to be! You have taken on more than you are capable of accomplishing at one given moment. NEWSFLASH: You are the one to decide what you can successfully accomplish each day. You are overwhelmed because you are focusing your attention on the big picture instead of breaking it down in to bite size pieces. Again, you are overwhelmed because you choose to be.
6 WAYS TO STOP FEELING OVERWHELMED
- WRITE IT DOWN – Write down everything you need to accomplish. This frees your mind from the burden of trying to remember. Should you “forget”, it is right there in black and white.
- PRIORITIZE – Ask yourself “Is this something that has to be done right now or can it wait?” If it has to be done right now- DO IT! If it can wait, pull out your planner and schedule a time to complete it and stick to it. NOTE: Putting off too many things will cause for another overwhelming day.
- DO THE THINGS YOU ENJOY, DELEGATE THE OTHERS – I hate cleaning the bathroom and my husband hates making the bed so I will never ask him to make the bed and he never complains when it’s time to clean the bathroom. We compromise and it works. We are both happy and not overwhelmed when it comes to those chores.
- SET A TIMER – I mentioned in a previous post, I am a bit OCD and the simplest task can consume a lot of my time and throw off my schedule. I’ve learned to set a timer. I give myself 15 minutes, 30 minutes, etc. depending on how much time I think I will need for the project I’m working on. Then I work as quickly and as efficiently as I can, when the timer goes off I look to see if there are any things that “have” to be done. If not, I’m finished. Remember done is better than perfect.
- STOP THE “SHOULDS” – We look at what society says our lives “should” look like. We believe what others say we “should” be doing. What will make your life easier? What will make you happy? What will keep you from being overwhelmed? Those are the things you need to focus on. Don’t let someone else’s “should” control your life.
- GET RID OF DISTRACTIONS: If you know you have work to do, don’t log onto social media. I love social media but it can be very time consuming. You log on to check on one notification and before you know it – it’s 2 hours later and you have accomplished nothing on your to-do list. Maybe your distraction is the telephone. Do you have that one girlfriend who always call when you have a project to work on. Learn to set boundaries. Let your girlfriend know you will call her later and she will have your undivided attention but right now you must finish this project. The distractions MUST go!
- EAT THE FROG! – Just do it. Do that thing you have been putting off. As long as you put it off, it will NEVER get done. So many times our overwhelmed feeling is not from what we have to do but what we have put off doing.
I hope this helped with those overwhelming feelings. Remember life is too short to focus on things that don’t matter. I’d rather have a semi-cleaned room than to find myself yelling at my child to pick up the one sock laying in the floor. Making a game out of cleaning the backyard will help it not appear as this gigantic chore that no one wants to do. Sitting down on Sunday and preparing lunch for the week will provide me with a little extra time to spend with my children or my husband each night. Small things add up. But it all starts with your thinking and the choices you make.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Mar 1, 2016 | Growth, Offer
As women we are quick to say “I’m a Strong Woman” yet we live lives that do NOT show strength at all. Below is a list of characteristics of a strong woman.
10 Characteristics of a Strong Woman
- She knows what she wants. A strong woman lives with purpose. Each step she makes is designed to get her closer to her goals. She knows she can have anything her heart desires.
- She is financially stable or on her way. A strong woman does not depend on a man to “pay her way”. She understand the quote “God bless the child that has her own”. She strives to keep her finances in order and is always ready for the next opportunity.
- She is willing to try new things. A strong woman is willing to go the extra mile to get what she wants in life. She will not allow the unknown to keep her from accomplishing her goals. She will ask questions, research data or use “trial and error” to move to the next level.
- She does NOT settle. A strong woman states settling is not an option. She understands her worth and is willing to work for what she wants. She will not settle for second best because that is not a part of her character.
- She’s understands her past does NOT define her. A strong woman realizes, although there are things in our past that we wish we could erase or forget, these things do not define her they helped shape her into the person she has become.
- She realizes her future is in her hands. A strong woman realizes that happiness is a choice and she is responsible for making it her choice. She realizes the road to her dream world has been set before her and she must travel it even if it’s alone.
- She is a leader, not a follower. A strong woman will never be found following the crowed. Although she is able to adapt to any situation, she knows how to control a room and change her surroundings to fit her needs.
- She understands “NO” is a complete sentence. A strong woman is not afraid to say no and will do it unapologetically. She realizes that saying yes, and not meaning it, will only cause personal regret in the long run.
- She is willing to forgive. A strong woman know that holding grudges provides the chains to keep her in bondage. Although she will not excuse your wrongdoing, a strong woman will forgive you realizing forgiveness is something she does for herself not for you.
- She looks for ways to improve herself and her surroundings. A strong woman never grows complacent with where she is. She realizes there is ALWAYS room for improvement. She understands that learning increases her worth. She also looks for ways to encourage growth in those around her.
Are you a STRONG WOMAN?
I’m offering a free coaching consultation to the first 5 women to email me at info@tinabaileyonline.com with your answer – Put- “I need to strengthen my life muscles“ in the subject line.
Until Next Time,
Tina
is laughing. Some may even say it’s knowing that everything is going to be okay. But what is happy to you?
