by Coach Tina | Jul 14, 2017 | Growth
When someone does something that “hurts your feelings”, it can mess your whole mood up! I mean let’s be real, people can be really mean some times! But it especially hurts when the person that hurt you is someone you never thought would ever hurt you! Maybe it’s a spouse, a parent, a sibling, your child or a friend. You never expect those you love and say they love you to hurt you. This tends to multiply those feelings of hurt and can shake you to the core.
Here’s the thing — feelings change! One moment you can be mad or sad the next you can be happy or excited. Feelings are always changing. When you allow someone to alter your feelings by what they may or may not have done, you allow them to change who you are for that moment. Never give anyone that much control over you.
If you are honest with yourself, it’s not what they did that hurt you, it’s the fact you didn’t expect “them” to do it. The same statement could have been made by a stranger and you would have shrugged it off but because this loved one said it, it hurt deep. People are people regardless of where they rest in your life.
You can take control of your feelings by changing the way you view the encounter. Here’s some things for you to consider:
• Was it what they said that hurt your feelings? Why?
• Was it who said it that hurt your feelings? Why?
• Did it bring up memories of a past hurt?
• Was it intentionally said to hurt you?
• Was it true and it caused you shame or guilt?
• Is it true or just their perception?
As you look at the truth behind “YOUR FEELINGS” about what the person said or did, you will be able to look past the person and deal with the actual feelings. The person that “hurt” you is the same person that you believe loved you earlier. Sometimes we just need to take a look within and find the truth behind the pain. Maybe it’s not what they said, maybe it’s what it brings up in you. Maybe it’s not what was said, maybe it’s who said it. But maybe, just maybe it’s neither of those things, could it be what it stirs up inside of you that need to be dealt with?
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 10, 2017 | Fear
There are days where I struggle. Days where I can’t find the words to pray. Days when I want to just throw in the towel and give up. Days where I want to run back to my comfort zone and things that are familiar. Days when the negative thoughts are so loud they are all I can hear. Days when I question who I am. Days when fear paralyzes me. Days when I’m reminded of ALL my failures and those failures are all I can see. Days when I don’t want to hear another bible verse. Days when I just don’t want to pray. Days when I don’t want nobody praying for me! Days when I question if God is really there. Days when my mask wears a mask. Days when… yea you get it! 
But it is those days I push to pray a little harder. I praise a little louder. I worship a little deeper. Those are the days that I am reminded I CAN NOT do it on my own. But I can do it with God’s help. Those are the days I realize I NEED GOD! Those are the days I get some where and sit quiet. Those are the days I cry out for God to help me. Those are the days I remember how far He has already brought me. Those are the days I’m reminded of what I asked Him for and how it’s these kinds of days that are preparing me for it.
I know I will never give up on God! I know I will continue to strive to be all He has called me to be. I know I He will never give me more than I can bear. I, also, am keenly aware that He will NEVER forsake me or leave me stranded. So, when those days come I push! I push hard! I get on my knees and cry out to God for help! I push Tina out of the way and do what I don’t feel like doing. I surrender my desires for His. And if I’m really honest with myself, I realize it’s “those days” that I am the closest to what I’ve been praying for. If I’m really honest with myself, it’s the fear of moving forward that is keeping me stuck. If I’m really honest it’s those days that I’m trying to control situations that are out of my control. It’s those days where I grow a little closer to God. It’s those days that strengthen my trust in God. So I will not ignore “those days”, I will embrace those days and keep pushing through them until I become what God has called me to be.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Jul 3, 2017 | Encouragement, Fear, Focus, Growth
About a month ago, I started a conversation on Facebook called #sistertalk. It’s an opportunity for women to help each other through those difficult moments and provide strength where needed. A real opportunity for HELP (honesty, encouragement, loyalty and prayer). Yet, there is something bothering me about it. It’s not the other women, it’s ME!
For years, I struggled with how people viewed me and there are still certain areas in my life I’ve kept hidden behind my mask. But I feel a tug to find the strength to push those insecurities away and allow myself to be a little more transparent. But there are some things on my chest that I need to get off. Maybe you can help me. You see I don’t understand –
• if a woman says she is going through, her faith is questioned.
• if it appears that all is ALWAYS alright, she’s a fake or unapproachable.
• If she tells the truth about what she’s going through, she’s complaining.
• If she asks for help, she’s being weak.
• If she cries, she’s told to get tougher skin.
• If she exposes the reality behind those tears, she’s being petty.
• If she speaks of the abuse she encountering, she’s told to keep her business her business.
• But if she is killed by her abuser everyone wants to know why she didn’t speak up.
• If she gets tired of being mistreated and make changes, she’s not a real Christian because a real Christian will allow you to do whatever you want to them and forgive you in Jesus name.
I’m so tired of trying to figure out the “correct” or “Christian” thing to do. When every day I am approached by women living a life of pain, thinking something is wrong with them because they believe all those lies listed above. They have convinced themselves that no one else is experiencing this kind of pain. When the truth is most of the women in their circle is covering up some form of pain, they just don’t know how to express it or are afraid of what people will say.
I am a Christian saved by grace. I love God with all my heart. I’ve been mad at God. I’ve turned my back on God. I said I was through with religion (and I am- just give me the relationship). I couldn’t understand how a God that loved me could allow so much pain to enter the heart of one person. But slowly and strategically God showed me it was not to destroy me. It was not to kill me. The pain I was experiencing wasn’t even about me. My testimony would be used to HELP other woman who were afraid to tell truth. Who didn’t understand that His love was unconditional and would never go away. My story would help those women who get up every day and put on a mask to cover up the shame and guilt they feel behind the actions of someone else. My honesty would give others permission to be honest.
I’ve been at this place before where I’ve felt God tugging at me to speak the truth and fear took over. It is my desire to move forward this time because although the fear is still there, I am courageous and encouraged by those women who haven’t found their courage yet. She needed a hero so she became one.
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | May 8, 2017 | Encouragement, Growth
If the title caused you to stop! Please take a moment to read this. When someone hurts you or someone you love – we have a tendency to want to get revenge! I mean how could they deliberately hurt us right?
Rid yourselves of all malice. 1 Peter 2:1 – Well I’m taking up for myself! They started it! And I would never truly harm them! So I can keep going this does not apply to me, or does it?
For those of you that have been following me for a while, you know I have tendencies of perfectionism running through my body. So, when I came across this passage believing that God showed it to me with purpose, I paused and in true form – I did some research. I looked up the definition of malice, I looked up the scripture in different versions of the bible, I prayed and asked God to reveal areas in my life where it may apply.
Malice is a desire to cause harm to someone else. Well, I stopped worrying because I would never deliberately do harm to anyone. But when I looked up the verse in another translation – I stopped in my tracks.
1st Peter 2:1 ERV So then, stop doing anything to hurt others. Don’t lie anymore, stop trying to fool people. Don’t be jealous or say bad things about others.
WHOA!!! Have you ever tried to make a situation appear better than it was because you didn’t want people to think less of you? Have you ever manipulated a situation to get your way? Were you ever jealous of someone? Have someone ever did something bad to you and you spoke negatively about it? Have you ever sought revenge?
I sure have!! At some point, I have answered yes to each of those questions, especially when I feel someone has wronged me. I may not say anything to them but I will hold that pain (malice) in my heart. Remember sin is in thought and deed. It all starts in your mind.
So, your intent may not be to deliberately cause harm to someone but having a thought of revenge or even holding onto anger and jealously against them is malice. You must let it go. God will never hold you responsible for what someone does to you but He will hold your responsible for how you respond to it!
God, help me to walk according to your Word. Help me replace thoughts of anger or jealousy towards your people with love and respect. In Jesus Name
Until Next Time,
by Coach Tina | Apr 24, 2017 | Growth
Life isn’t always fair! In fact, most of us can attest to at least one experience in our lives that left us saying “THIS JUST AIN’T FAIR!” Maybe it was the unexpected death of a loved one. Maybe it’s a failed marriage that you’ve been praying over. Maybe that friend you confided in betrayed you. Maybe your children are acting out. Maybe you’ve been trying to get healthy and the doctor just gave you bad news. Maybe you got passed over for a promotion you just knew you were qualified for. Maybe you have been believing God for something and it hasn’t happened and you are ready to give up. Whatever your “experience” is, realize you are NOT alone. We have all been there to some degree.
Sadly, many of us believe that because we “get saved” (you know stand in front of the church, with tears running down our face, confessing our sins and promising to change our way of life 
-insert sarcasm) things are miraculously going to be fair. And if we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves in this entitlement mode where we feel things are “just supposed to happen”. You know you’ve been faithful over the few things. You’ve stopped doing the “big sins”. You pay your tithes AND offering. You’ve sought the Lord. You’ve fasted AND prayed. The man or woman of God even prophesized that it was going to happen. But where is it? This “just ain’t fair!
When you walk around thinking things are unfair – many times it’s because YOU feel someone has done something “wrong” to you or YOU didn’t get your way about something you feel you are owed or entitled to. Thank god you didn’t get what you deserved!
Please read this carefully …. The bible does NOT say it would be fair! The bible does NOT say because you do a few things “right” you are entitled to anything. In fact, it says “whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross daily and follow me (Luke 9:23).
Okay, let’s break that down. It clearly states to become a disciple of the Lord, there are certain things we must do and it’s not doing good deeds or doing it your way!
According to this scripture to become a disciple of God, you must:
1) Deny yourself – Realize it’s not your way. It’s not about what you want. It’s not always going to come out the way you want it to. Get over yourself and ask God what His will for your life is. Ask God how would He like for you to handle this situation?
2) Take up your cross daily – Going before God is a daily command. I don’t know about you but I need God every day because I mess up every day! Just when you think you are delivered, there will be another area to surrender to God. It’ a daily surrender and confession. We have thorns in our flesh – get that thorns, several not one. We all struggle. We all fall short. Which is why we need Jesus daily.
3) Follow God – Kinda hard to follow God – I mean really follow God while catering to your flesh and your worldly desires. When God called the disciples, they dropped everything and went with Him. They didn’t worry about their businesses or their families. They didn’t worry about what people were going to say. They didn’t say wait, God, let me get this right first. Nope they dropped it all. Are you willing to drop it all and truly follow God? Even if it doesn’t feel “fair”?
Think about it – the disciples really did have to deny themselves. They took up their cross daily and followed Jesus everywhere. But they were able to receive the teachings of Jesus first hand and reap the benefits of being in the presence of God’s son. Can you imagine having Jesus physically walk with you and answer any question you may have?
God has special “gifts” set aside for those who truly believe and will follow Him. He promised an abundant life. He promised beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for heaviness, peace for sorrow. I don’t know about you but when God can turn what seems bad in my life around and make it GOOD – I’ll take that over fairness any day. When He can offer peace over turmoil, send His son to die for my sins, love me despite my short comings – you can have entitlement. I’ll take the favor of God any day. I may not be able to have Jesus stand (physically) beside me and answer every question but He left the Holy Spirit to be my comforter and guide me just like He did the disciples. Now I just have to get out of my flesh and listen to instruction!
Until Next Time,
Here’s the thing — feelings change! One moment you can be mad or sad the next you can be happy or excited. Feelings are always changing. When you allow someone to alter your feelings by what they may or may not have done, you allow them to change who you are for that moment. Never give anyone that much control over you.
