Survivors of traumatic life experiences tend to struggle making simple decisions; so, life changing decisions take extra effort. Indecisiveness is not because they lack the ability to decide; but usually because one has been chastised for making “wrong” decisions
What do I wear? Where should we eat? What is the right response? Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? Am I enough? Who will this effect? Will they like me? Can I do it? What if I fail? Maybe someone else should do it; I’m not good enough! I don’t have the skills or knowledge to make that choice. What would she do? What would he do?
Making decisions for a survivor is hard work and extremely exhausting!
They tend to weigh every decision as if life depended on it because in most situations it did! They overthink EVERYTHING! Survivors are constantly reassessing their thoughts and ultimately their choices. They lack the ability to know what healthy looks like because they are rarely exposed to healthy choices. They look at every situation from every lens possible just make sure. They seek validation from those that appear to be smarter, wiser, braver, stronger and more confident. Many times, the only validation they truly desire is from the individuals that have abused them.
It can be hard to see yourself as an INDEPENDENT WOMAN when you struggle to make simple decisions. One characteristic of an independent woman is SHE’S DECISIVE. She stands her ground. She does not waiver. She is intentional. She is bold and confident in her choices. If you struggle to make decisions, seeing yourself as independent can be a joke. But here me clear – decisiveness is the ABILITY to decide. You have the ability. It may just require extra effort!
A decisive person is a person who makes a decision and sticks with it. Many survivors are good at that. They made the decision to stay in the abuse even when it wasn’t the best decision. They made the decision to cover the abuse without feeling they had a choice. They made a decision to love past the pain even when it hurt more than they could bare.The ability is there; the reasoning may be questionable. Seeing yourself as decisive when you doubt your ability to make wise choices can cause anyone to second guess themselves.
BRICK: EVERYONE HAS MADE DECISIONS THAT CAUSED THEM TO QUESTION THEMSELVES!
You are NOT alone! The difference is they didn’t allow their choices to defined them. They didn’t allow their choices to keep them from making another decision. They used the lessons as opportunities to create a better way of doing it. You can do the same.
Check out these 5 characteristics of a decisive woman.
- SHE LIVES IN THE PRESENT – she realizes her past is JUST THAT the past! Her focus is on what’s ahead not what’s behind her. There is NOTHING in your past that can stop you without your consent.
- SHE IS RESILIENT – when things don’t go according to plan, she changes the plan not the goal. Resilience says learn the lesson, get up and do it again this time with a better understanding. You are NEVER starting over you are starting again!
- SHE TAKES RISKS – it didn’t work before! Guess what you are a different person now! Talking risk is the only way to push past limiting beliefs. You may surprise yourself with how great of an opportunity you almost missed.
- SHE LOOKS AT THE BIGGER PICTURE – this world is so big and so is life. She realizes life has limited her from seeing the bigger picture. Once she decides there’s more to life, she allows NOTHING to stop her from enjoying it all. NOT even herself.
- SHE IS FOCUSED – she sets goals. She steps out of her comfort zone. She realizes without goals it easy to return to the past. She uses her goals to make decisions not the words of others.
How do you become more decisive?
- Prioritize your thoughts
- Trust your gut
- Take a chance
- REPEAT as many times as necessary!
Getting it right is not the goal; choosing what feels right to you is the goal! You made a choice to step away from toxic and abusive situations. That was one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever made. It was a struggle. It may have taken several attempts, but you made it. Decide what you want now. Trust yourself. Take a chance and if necessary do it again and again until you are satisfied with the outcome. This is your life! You get to decide what feels right. I see you INDEPENDENT WOMAN! It looks good on you!
Until Next Time,
