There are multitude opinions concerning self-reliance. The two I hear the most is everyone SHOULD be self-reliant; relying predominantly on your own powers and resources rather than those of others. The next one is you NEED others to become the person you were created to be. These are great examples why it’s important to know what you want, who you are and who you can depend on! I believe both opinions have very strong and valid argument potential. I also believe you cannot live in a bubble and expect to live a full and vibrant life. BUT you also cannot sit around waiting for someone to ride in on a white horse and save you. You must have a desire for self-reliance and self-preservation.
We were created to dwell among others. I am a true believer, the people you need in your life will appear when you are ready to receive them. I also believe everything you need to be successful is already inside of you, but you must learn how to manifest it and bring it to the surface. “Bringing it to the surface” could merely be reading a book, hiring a coach, sitting under a mentor, praying. But you must be willing to dig! You must be willing to go after what you desire in this life!
Many survivors of abuse or traumatic life experiences, struggle finding a balance between self-reliance and needing outward validation. And why shouldn’t they? For years, they have constantly been told what to do, what to think and how to react. Notice I said react not act.
Self-reliance demands you to be proactive not reactive. It demands you to know what you desire not what others desire for you. It demands you to make yourself a priority, something most survivors know nothing about! Self-reliance requires you to be truthful. Again, not a quality most survivors are comfortable with. Self-reliance says trust yourself. Until they go through a healing process, survivors don’t trust anybody especially not themselves.
So how do you become self-reliant when you are afraid to put that much confidence in yourself:
- Go with your gut – no one knows you better than you. Even in the midst of your fears, there was a still small voice that told you something wasn’t right. You weren’t able to act upon it, but you felt it. You hoped it was not true, but you felt it. Now it’s time to trust that feeling.
- Become your own best friend – it’s time to get to know yourself. You have been faithful and committed to everyone except you. You have made sacrifices for everyone. You have done the unthinkable for the sake of friendship. NOW it’s time to become your own best friend.
- Forgive yourself – It amazes me how easy it is to forgive others yet forgiving our self is one of the hardest things to do. I will admit THIS was my biggest stumbling block. I was so hard on myself because I SHOULD have known better. But, how? Why? Now is the time to forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know and ignoring what you did. We all want to see the best in situations even when they aren’t there.
- Ask yourself the hard questions – Self- reliance is based on what you NEED not what you want. You can never get that until you dig deep inside yourself and determine what you NEED. Ask the hard question. Why can’t I fully depend on myself? Why can’t I move past this place? Why is it so hard? Then listen to the answers. At this point it will be essential for you to change the narrative and create a new thought pattern.
Self-reliance does NOT mean you don’t need anyone. It simply means you have learned to exhaust your own abilities before going to someone else. You are not looking for someone to fix the problem for you. You are not sitting back hoping things just happen. You are taking the initiative and putting in place what you want to happen. Then seeking individual that will help you accomplish your goal. I’m cheering for you. I know coming out of a space where you haven’t had the privilege of depending on yourself, it’s hard to do. But you have no other choice. You must protect the woman you are fighting to become. You must give her a fighting chance. So, again, I ask, who do you depend on?
Until Next Time,
