Those that have been following me for a while know my favorite season is FALL! It’s something about sitting in the crisp air, watching the leaves change colors and drinking warm apple cider. It just makes me happy and everyone wants to be happy right?
Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is always dangerous). The type of thinking where you ask yourself crazy questions like:
Why did you allow that to happen?
Why didn’t you stop it from happening?
What if you really weren’t enough and that’s why it happened?
What if you made the wrong decision?
What if you walked away to soon?
What if things could have gotten better?
Like where in the heck did these thoughts come from? It happened because it would have NEVER changed. I would have NEVER stopped it. It WASN’T my job to stop it. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with me. I AM good enough … the Bible tells me so! NO seriously that’s why I’m good enough! The wrong decision? According to who? Things would have NEVER gotten better, and I SHOULD have stopped sooner!! (That’s how I must talk to my inner voice to quiet her down – you should try it)
But those questions were keeping me up at night and causing me to want to binge. I had to address them and address them now!
Why was I feeling these things? Why was I basking in this pain? Like WHY!!
I was forced to be honest with myself. I was feeling empty. I was feeling lonely. I was feeling unhappy.
But something about knowing Fall is around the corner helped me. Pushed me. Motivated me. Replenished me.
Would I still be a single, divorced woman? Yep! But that does NOT define me. I am a single, divorced woman that is living the life she has created for herself and enjoying the freedom of not having to carry the burdens of someone else. I am a woman able to decide what makes her happy without worrying if it will make someone else uncomfortable. I am a woman unwilling to downplay who she is because it causes someone else to question who they are. I am a woman strong, bold and beautiful. I don’t know if you caught that or not but the adjectives I used to describe myself changed. Why? Because that’s not what defines me – it’s what happened. It was my Fall. Crisp air, changing leaves and warm apple cider!
Fall is a reminder to me that change is good and can be beautiful. It reminds me that to grow something must die. It reminds me that at the end of everything is the beginning of something else. It reminds me that life is all about what you make it.
So, as I sit here on this hot summer day, drinking a glass of ice cold water because it’s still very hot here, I smile with anticipation that just like the seasons change, so does life. I put this big expectation on myself that I should be over the pain by now. That it shouldn’t bother me. That it shouldn’t still hurt. But then I stop because I would NEVER put those same expectations on a client. So why do I put them on myself. I am human! Just like the seasons change so will my feelings and it’s okay!!
Until Next Time,
Purchase your tickets for HELP Conference 2018 here
