They say innocent until proven guilty. BUT that is NOT how it works in the mind of a trauma survivor or anyone that has been involved in any type of toxic relationship. Everybody else is innocent but to her, she’s always guilty!
It’s time to re-evaluate how you see the issue. It’s time to allow others to carry their own load. It’s time to stop allowing guilt to keep you stuck and cause you to miss your goals, neglect your desires or still your dreams.
This week’s challenge is all about GUILT. We’ve talked about FEAR, and OBLIGATION well now the final topic in the matter is GUILT. I see more and more women remain in situations because they feel guilty about leaving. They struggle with saying no because they have this uncanny obligation to correct some wrong usually a wrong that is NOT theirs.
Trust me I get it. I am not exempt. For years, I lived life trying to mend things I was not responsible for breaking. I saw this post on social media – “why are you worrying about a table that Jesus would have turned over!” I felt that in my sha-na-na and it helped bring some clarity to my situation.
- I was guilty of preparing a table for unappreciative people.
- I was bringing out the good China for people that didn’t deserve paper plates.
- I was creating space at my table for people that wouldn’t even allow me to step in the room where theirs was.
- I was walking on eggshells for years trying not to offend others while falling apart on the inside because of their mistreatment of me.
- I said yes to things that required me to constantly say no to myself.
- I put their wants before my own needs.
- I was preparing a table that many did not deserve to sit at.
But check this – I was afraid that if I didn’t allow them at the table, I would be at the table alone. Well, when you learn and accept your worth, you realize it is better to sit at the table alone than to sit at a table with people that don’t appreciate you or those that don’t want you there. 
Your willingness to accept this truth, requires you to let go of the GUILT. You must allow people to be who they are. You must accept what happened. You must give space for yourself to grieve the old way. You must put it to rest. But how? Well, that’s what this week’s challenge is all about.
Think about where you are. What are you allowing to guilty you into staying in the same space? Are you staying on a job because 5 years ago they took a chance on you? Or maybe you feel they need you? Or maybe you believe no one can do the job but you? Well, if something was to happen to you, they would find someone else to do the work.
Maybe you are feeling guilty because you stood up to a friend about how they treated you. They have always been there for you, so why are you so angry about their current actions? Maybe they have always mistreated you, but you felt you needed that friendship to avoid loneliness, so you allowed it. Maybe you’ve been friends for a long time and guilt has told you, you aren’t being appreciative to the connection.
You get the picture. Find what is causing you to feel guilty. Ask yourself the following questions.
What are your charges? What are your true feelings about the situation? What is causing you to feel that way? What lie are you telling yourself that is keeping you stuck in the situation?
Who are your accusers? Who told you it was YOUR responsibility to fix this situation? Who told you it was your responsibility to stay in the situation? Are these your voices or societal lies? Is it family? Is it circumstances?
When did the alleged crime occur? Are you really upset about what’s happening now or is this the residual effect of something that has “always” been going and now you are tired of it? Or you are finally seeing your worth and how this is affecting you?
What is your defense? Defend your guilt if you want to but it will hold you hostage. It will keep you from accomplishing your goals. It will keep you from doing the things you want to do. It will keep you walking on eggshells. There is NO need to defend the guilt. The only thing you need to defend is your desire to be free of the guilt. Defend that!
You are innocent until proven guilty. And even if they can prove you are guilty, you are responsible for providing a space in your own life where you can find peace, harmony, and joy. I hope as you allow yourself to let go of the FOG, you realize just how wonderful you are and what you deserve in this life. But in case you aren’t aware: You deserve happiness. You deserve to stand up for yourself. You deserve to see things with a clear understanding of who you are and who’s you are. You don’t owe anyone anything but a life that you can be proud of.
Until Next Time,
