For many African Americans July 4th is just another day on the calendar. We realize our independence is NOT associated with this day at all. For a long time, I didn’t quite get it. I felt we are making something out of nothing. Until I came into my own understanding of why we celebrate June 19th instead. I say this because it gives a caveat for what’s to come in this blog.
Many women live a life where they can authentically celebrate the accomplishments of their family and friends but struggle to celebrate their own accomplishments. We shrink to a spec of dirt if someone applauds our efforts and get our tails in a bunch if they don’t. We are some complex characters. Now if you are not one of those women, maybe this blog is not for you. But I guarantee there have been moments where you downplayed your accomplishments because you didn’t know how to accept the applauds. If so, keep reading.
Independence is a personal declaration. There is NO specific way it is supposed to look. There are no guidelines issued. There is NO right or wrong. You get to determine what independence looks like for you. You also get to decide what you need independence from. Maybe you are seeking independence from traditions that no longer serve you. Maybe it’s an expectation that you had of how things are supposed to be. Maybe it’s disappointment of how things turned out. Maybe it’s sitting quiet when you want to scream. Maybe it’s a timeline that people have imposed on you. Maybe it’s the inner critic constantly reminding you of what you haven’t accomplished. What ever has you strapped in bondage and keeps you from cheering your accomplishments is the THING you may want to seek independence from.
Your independence is personal. It will not look like mine, nor will it look like someone else’s. There is no timeline. No time restraint. No manual. No expectation. NOTHING but your personal declaration of what you want in this life. For many years I lived a miserable life trying to be everything I thought others wanted me to be. I talk in detail about it in my first book, “What You’re Hiding is Hindering Your Blessing”. I thought I needed to be the perfect daughter, mother, wife, employee, friend. I thought if I said no the world was going to open and I was going to fall in. I thought if I didn’t do everything right, I would let someone down. I was miserable. Not from feeling less than but from exhaustion. I was trying to be everything others wanted me to be and not knowing what I wanted to be.
When I decided to take some time to figure out who TINA really was, I found myself lost. I don’t mean like driving down the road and missing a turn type of loss. I was driving in the dark with no lights on kind of loss. I had no direction or guidance. I crashed a lot. Until I found the light switch and turned it on. I still made mistakes. I still took some wrong turns. But I took turns that looked right to me. I took the scenic route, but I found it to be beautiful. I found myself on those winding roads doing it my way. I released myself from the fear, obligation and guilt of the expectations others had for me. I found my independence. I found courage. I found hope. I found a new norm. I found ME. Was it scary? Absolutely but I’d do it all again because without it I would still be trying to please others and living a lie.
So, this year let’s look for our independence. Let’s look for the things we need to release so we can be free to be who we were created to be. There is NO right or wrong. Just a willingness to move forward. Remember the greatest liberation is a desire to let go of being perfect in an imperfect world. What do you need to let go of? I’d love to hear about it.
Until Next Time,
