Yesterday is over and guess what? You are still here!
Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays. It represents new beginnings and springtime. People dress in their fancy clothes. Kids run around high off sugar. For those in the Christian faith, we celebrate a resurrected Christ. And it’s the launch to my birthday celebrations.
However, the last few years I haven’t felt much excitement. Between the pandemic, my mom’s transition, turning 50, kids living their grown life and being single, I’ve really struggled! I slid my mask on in hopes no one noticed but the transparency in me demands honesty. I struggled and it’s been rough. 
Trauma presents as recurring grief that shows up when you don’t want it to and demands attention when you don’t have the energy to give it. The slightest memory can propel you back into a space you thought you had finally climbed out of. It can have you laying in bed with the blinds closed, eating bom-boms for days. It can have you withdrawn or lashing out at people who need your compassion and love. It can have you impulsive and moody. It can take you to a space that makes you sick of you. Which presents its own battle. And I felt ALL of that yesterday!
Yesterday the coach in me was fighting with the little girl in me and leaving me emotionally and physically drained! Part of me demanded the soldier to stand up while the other just wanted to be held and told everything would be okay. The battle between insecurities and empowerment had me questioning myself, my growth and all the hard work I had done. It had me listening to the imposter instead of the cheerleader. It had me feeling isolated instead of triumphant. Girl, I was drained. BUT…
As I sit here assessing the damage from yesterday. Yes I did damage! But that’s a conversation for another day, I’m reminded that it was Easter, an opportunity for a new beginning. I can’t change yesterday. But I CAN make amends for those that got caught in my emotional wrath. I CAN create a plan so I’m able to deal with it better the next time. I CAN learn from it. I CAN choose to create lessons from it. I CAN start over. Read that again – I CAN START OVER! and show myself grace. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.
I share my transparency so when you find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster, you will have a gentle reminder; Easter is always available! A resurrection is always an option as long as you are willing to get up!
Until next time,
